Dude,
I totally feel the same way, I can't really justify the expense of social activity (I believe everyone is just doing the best they know how and then some). I am thankful for what I have (and I have a lot to loose). I'm starting to think I need to move to feel different (I think it's the winter cold dragging me down). I am paralyzed my by self awareness, I mean really why do anything based on my previous experiences it is only going to lead to more trouble. I know how to go about things I am a good survivor but I don't really have any drive to put in effort to live beyond existing with as little pain as possible, even though I desire to help and love people but they only seem to want to abuse themselves or others or like me they don't know what to do. I am not really depressed (I got past that), I'm just being honest with myself that I need help and I'm not able to obtain it from countless hours of bible study, prayer, counseling, sermons, asking (all of some benefit but not what I need)….so I just wait around to die.