My rhyme's for the times. Written for you who is true. | |
Face Palmer User ID: 24626173 Germany 09/30/2012 05:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You are white, right? "The world will soon wake up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payments on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. The woman who is not pursued sets up the doctrine that pursuit is offensive to her sex, and wants to make it a felony. No genuinely attractive woman has any such desire. - H.L. Mencken, In Defense Of Women |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 05:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Lol...yeah, hard to tell? :( But hey, at least I tried... :D Last Edited by skeebo on 09/30/2012 05:44 AM You Enjoy Myself. |
Face Palmer User ID: 24626173 Germany 09/30/2012 05:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The texts content isn't too bad, but to me it appears you are kinda forcing the text to rhyme. Yes, RAP rhymes, but it does not rhyme for the rhyme being. The 6th paragraph is best imho, the last one the worst. "don't be a dummy, follow your tummy" does not fit. It sounds childish in a text with greater sense. But there sure is potential. Last Edited by Face Palmer on 09/30/2012 05:50 AM "The world will soon wake up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payments on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. The woman who is not pursued sets up the doctrine that pursuit is offensive to her sex, and wants to make it a felony. No genuinely attractive woman has any such desire. - H.L. Mencken, In Defense Of Women |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24675580 United States 09/30/2012 05:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 05:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Whoa, real feedback from these forums nice. Thanks man...here's one more. Not a rhyme though, I was just told by some friends I should try and do a rhyme so I did. ANYWAYS...here it is: You are better off not chasing knowledge and finding out you fulfilled your meaning regardless of knowledge, than to chase and acquire knowledge and find out you missed the point. More or less you can only see as far as you are looking, but look too far and you see the horizon. The sun setting and the sun rising......though it seems endless there is an unstoppable desire to keep walking that way and see farther. Once you finally realize the whole place was round and there was no end, you just might start to notice things right in front of you that were ignored before. But, now without much time left to enjoy it and help make it be. Looking forward is great, but never forget what is right in front of you. Growing is great but don't forget your roots. Knowledge will amaze you, though wisdom always trumps it without being noticed. The greater always seems like less. Knowledge makes you walk very far and use your energy (sometimes worth it) But, wisdom is a comfortable pair of shoes and a relaxing place to sit at peace. The more we know the more we wonder. The more we wonder the less we think..... If you are at peace you will have answers that need no question, and if you are in turmoil you will have questions that seem to have no answer. The more you try to fix the more things become broken. The more arrogant we become the less knowledge we gain. If I can give any advice at all it would be to not look too far, it's right in front of us anyways. There is nothing that will not be known, and there is nothing known that will not be made clear. Worry less and wonder more. Exploring is a beautiful thing, but leaving a place that may have been your very own spot has it's consequences. With each step watch your feet. As well, use your money to purchase good shoes just in case. If I can give any answer at all it would be to love each other. If we all helped each other then no one would need help. If we all bandaged each other then no one would be wounded. If we all laughed with each other then everyone would be joyful, and if we all cried with each other then everyone would feel consoled. If we all cared for each other in these ways then we would all evolve. The body is a test, the spirit is life. Wounds only harm the flesh, but the spirit can't be harmed outside of our own doing. So love is the answer to everything. If I could give any help it would be to share my ideas, so other's could move them forward farther than I was able to carry them. The greatest trophy is not given to those who run a race to win the prize. It is given to those who run a race to help others finish first. Love is my point. For now we stay in a building with windows that view outside, and we look at it sometimes....other times we look at people inside and forget about the windows. Sometimes we don't look out the window because we are afraid of heights. Neither is wrong, but if you were to leave the building and look around instead of using windows you would notice immediately that you knew this all along. We all did. That the building was outside to begin with, and your containment wasn't really contained. The body is a test, and the spirit is life. If we do these things, and stop trying to understand life's meaning......then we will fathom more than we could ever imagine. Sell everything you have to gain wisdom....keep your soul at peace all the time....and everything will be a beautiful journey. K I'm done, enjoy. Last Edited by skeebo on 09/30/2012 05:53 AM You Enjoy Myself. |
Face Palmer User ID: 24626173 Germany 09/30/2012 06:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Shorten this a bit, work on it then find a music to match it - and there is your song. Not the other way round. "The world will soon wake up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payments on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title." Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. The woman who is not pursued sets up the doctrine that pursuit is offensive to her sex, and wants to make it a felony. No genuinely attractive woman has any such desire. - H.L. Mencken, In Defense Of Women |
Dude User ID: 23002187 United States 09/30/2012 08:03 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 08:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ok lol, I would totally do it too. But you don't want a dirty hippie in your gymnasium. I'm all gross and stuff...eww Last Edited by skeebo on 09/30/2012 08:17 AM You Enjoy Myself. |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 08:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | being chased by a bunch of talking apples.... and I just keep having this same dream over and over... I am running through this maze (4 walls)... it has like, weird numbers.... there was another room in this apartment if you could just find the door, and the door is there... (please don't judge me psychologically) ...and I open the door... and on the other side, there was a pond... and then there was a funny guy that popped out of the mound of sugar... and this beautiful being told me that I was him, or he was me... the thing that always strikes me about the dream, is that I am repeatedly doing it wrong... so shes got me running through the forest in an infinite loop... and whenever I tried to leave, in the middle of the hallway there was a huge spider in the ceiling... there is a giant rat that is chasing us, with big beady eyes... and I am falling... and the elevator keeps going down, and down, and down... I am afraid to look in the mirror... and I keep running, and he's like GO!, GO!... I don't get eaten.... and I never get passed that spider... it always ended with the nail going through the bottom of my foot and me not being able to move... then the rat gets my brother... it's just a paranoia, it's just a fear.... and the only thing that, catches me, is my mothers voice... and then I open the door... there's like umm... a parallel universe.... and it's only one color... the walls are variously colored with pastel pinks and purples... no this, this, im dead, im dead, this dream is not real, this cannot be real... I like to imagine that the.. somewhere above us all, watching us... I was flying in the dream... I think its like sleep, I think it's like you got to sleep at midnight, wake up at six, and you dont know what happened between twelve and six, I think it's like that... I have felt the presence of uhh, a ghost... I am having this dream... I'm afraid that it's really true, and I keep finding out that its true, and I keep thinking no its not really true, its gotta be a dream... its just like another form of our world today... your going to avoid to come back, and return to this planet... when sunlight is coming in, and you know you are about to wake up... I see my opportunity and I am going to take it!... or does it really lead to something else? We give things life... observing and being, witnesses of whats happening now... everyone inside is actually talking back... we just sort of float along, through the universe, and maybe some people choose to stay on the planet, I dunno... I guess you have, have a choice here... we give everything power, based on the words that we speak... You go WHOA, SHIT, and it takes off... it was Mrs. Banana and Mr. Banana... and signs, and I don't know what they mean... then like, this is totally a dream... and it makes you aware, for just a brief moment, that everything around you.. in a good way, not in a scary way... I don't know, I'll find out in the end... yes, it makes sense that way... it's a happy dream, but it's really sad when you wake up..." -Nine types of light (love you all) You Enjoy Myself. |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 08:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Last one: "In that land of green, they drove the pagans out to sea, and civilization lead the trees away but green returns another day, just like today. for trees fall but nature calls, to continue living. the wilderness. So we set off, our expedition begins birding a potent spring wind and shining a brilliance of the suns days to raise tattered light waves from behind the stop signs of the times, it's just a riddle, in it's prime we continue living. the wilderness. for lying out there in wait are stories of danger and fate, using old languages that cost, adrift, forgotten, or lost. we continue living. the wilderness. a lonely bell rings a wake up call a spell for the telling of tales falls it materializes in shafts of moonlight, sometimes hard to see, sometimes bright we continue living. the wilderness. and then the changeling speaks, to the strong and the weak maps are comparisons that tweak, reflections that wreak havoc with your nerves about the worlds most natural curves we continue living. the wilderness. and to our wills she spoke from deeper still this fairy land has changing power, you can see it in the trees, the flowers use what you can to mend for much will remain shrouded until then we continue living. the wilderness. continue living. the wilderness. continue living. the wilderness."\ <3 You Enjoy Myself. |
TheLordsEnabler User ID: 23880197 United States 09/30/2012 08:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I rhyme / I go / Flow in time / sign off / log in / eclipse / the silent night / with his light/ lunar nodes / rifled / barrels / prohibiton / were drinking fine / through the night / I gotta go / Its Time to vote / more treasure / to myself / indebted wealth / World War two vets have no benefits / get your movie / discount / and goto hell / Can be found in your heart ... |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 08:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
skeebo (OP) User ID: 1392371 United States 09/30/2012 09:35 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | read this thread for truth. It's not found often "here we come and there we go" Last Edited by skeebo on 09/30/2012 09:39 AM You Enjoy Myself. |