Thank you for all that you share with us, takes a lot of courrage!
A lot of what you share is what I have come to remember since a couple of years now. It all started when I had my last child, got married (allways wanted children and wanted to get marrief) and then I realized, I've got everything I have ever wanted.. and now what??? Then soon after that I saw 11:11 on the clock, so many many times and I wanted to know what this is and went on the internet and got lost in the new age crap, another program in the program we all live in. I was feeling some cold around me, my forehead, suddenly smelt things that just were not there.. I was into tarotcards,pendel, angels and tried to meditate, but meditation never felt good! Along the way I got further on the path, now I am finally on my own path again, not listening to others, only following my inner guide (no angels!) which I do not need to contact with while meditating. You wrote about what you can do before going to sleep.. but that does not feel good to me at all! I do relax while laying in bed and go inside of me, not projecting/foccus on the oustide or getting out of my body.. a few years ago I felt like being pulled out of my body, bt everything inside of me kept me in my body, I really got scarred!
I have felt my entire life that this world is not what it seems and I was just pushed away as a child, knowing this, but no one listened, so I just get along with the knowledge of others (school,my parents etc). The whole program so to speak. Now that I am getting to know the real me, this also effects the outer world. I do not fear, let go of emotions and ideas that are not mine at all! simply by going inside.
What I do believe is that we have to go back in ourselfs, breaking the system, not following this matrix, but only follow your self. There are channelings by Galactic Federation of Light, which I never believed in. They tell you how to live, be positive and they will come here one day with their technoligies, cleaning earth etc. On the other hand we have a dark entitie living on planet saturn (Jehova) and control humans by religion,new age,pineal gland,third eye. And that humanity was being cloned many years ago by these dark entities. And the Jehova/Orion group will come to harvest the souls which live by religion and new age rules. I feel that my path will now lead me to a higher dimension/place.. earth/energy will be transformed. I have mixed feeling about earth.. a lot of people worship mother earth and even calling our son 'father'. But lately I got the feeling that giving your light to mother earth, is like giving away your energy/light to the dark entities, is that correct?
The further I go in myself, the more I can let go, knowing how a lot of things in my life were simply in my mind, not in my heart.