Yes your chart really spoke to me ..

I also see what you're saying about being receptive and yet denying.. The chart suggests there is much to be gained by opening but also a lot holding back.. It could be a change that you experienced is falsely inscribing a stone image of who you are and holding back more of what you could become. You also may have some beliefs in place around ideas of the innocence that are falsely precluding an awareness of your own power. Then there is the ego drive which has little to gain from being receptive. The good news is that Saturn in Scorpio is here to carve a path in your subconscious for you to simply evade all the barriers. Then in waking, ego time you can sort of sit back and laugh at all the mockers, or play the ego role if you must. Ultimately Saturn teaches that obstacles are merely contracted light and that these too will give way when they are also included in what you are discovering, so focus on caging light and that will naturally dispel darkness.