marriage and money ? need help please, married peeps | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 15323087 United States 10/06/2012 06:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 15323087 United States 10/06/2012 06:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1183343 United States 10/06/2012 06:35 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry, OP, that sounds more like an "arrangement" than a marriage. A true marriage is all for one, one for all. Of course she should share her windfall! As you should with her. What, if one of you buys a Lotto ticket out of "Your" salary, that person is the one who has say over the money? Ridiculous! Same concept. (Now if it was $100 in birthday money that's a little different, she should spend it on herself) Anyway, where is she putting the money -- doesn't it end up in the joint checking account? You really need to have a talk with her and see if this is a marriage or not!!!! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17338098 United States 10/06/2012 06:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Alexxa User ID: 15293504 United States 10/06/2012 06:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | my wifes mom came into some money , had a family gathering, she gave each of her kids an envelope each contained 4000 dollars , i asked my wife for 400 for a crossbow , and a bit for survival food stuff... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15323087 well she says its hers not mine, weve been married for 12 yrs... im worreid what what will happen if i die will all the money left over be HERS and none go to my kids ... im hurt , or am i just being greedy... i thought when you got married you became one in ALL respects.... The envelopes containg the money only had her kids name on it... when i got my inheritence i opaid off her house... ya know i asked to BORROW the money like id pay her in three cks postdated , she didnt evenm go for that... like i said im devasataed or IS SHE RIGHT to do this... im just fkn crushed!!!! i feel like this is the gamechanger .... OR AM I WRONG ...please help with your opinion Honestly I am a married woman and from my perspective she is in the wrong if bills are paid and food is taken care of - she is in the wrong. Perhaps you can bring up your concerns with her......... I would feel rather unsettled also in your position- regardless of te outcome of the conversation you hopefully will have with her about the matter- I strongly suggest you make sure ( legally) you take are of your children should you pass away before she does. Good health and good luck, Alex |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 18847658 United States 10/06/2012 06:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The love of money is the root of all evil. Married people are supposed to share their resources. It sounds like you have a problem op. It sounds like you are loosing your oneness with the wife. Pull her aside and calmly tell her how she hurt you. See if you can work it out. If she really loves you she will be sad that she hurt you and take steps to fix it. Communication is the Key to a good relationship. Tell the truth, be sincere. see what happens. |
Relativity User ID: 1533848 United States 10/06/2012 06:51 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | my wifes mom came into some money , had a family gathering, she gave each of her kids an envelope each contained 4000 dollars , i asked my wife for 400 for a crossbow , and a bit for survival food stuff... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15323087 well she says its hers not mine, weve been married for 12 yrs... im worreid what what will happen if i die will all the money left over be HERS and none go to my kids ... im hurt , or am i just being greedy... i thought when you got married you became one in ALL respects.... The envelopes containg the money only had her kids name on it... when i got my inheritence i opaid off her house... ya know i asked to BORROW the money like id pay her in three cks postdated , she didnt evenm go for that... like i said im devasataed or IS SHE RIGHT to do this... im just fkn crushed!!!! i feel like this is the gamechanger .... OR AM I WRONG ...please help with your opinion Gamechanger. Her and her mother are fucked. Up. I would be crushed as well OP. “In finding balance between lies and trust there will never be a better source than to speak your truth or make your peace some other way.” ~Sully Erna Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. -Gandalph "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." - William Shakespeare |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 23746394 United States 10/06/2012 06:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 13158115 United States 10/06/2012 06:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
grassyknoll User ID: 22185062 United States 10/06/2012 07:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Now just why in the HELL do I have to press "one" for English? Politicians should always have their head in a noose,it keeps them upright and on their toes. There may come a time when the only thing left to do is say "Fuck it!", draw your weapon,and see what happens. |
Garman906 User ID: 25064515 United States 10/06/2012 07:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 15323087 United States 10/06/2012 07:24 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25088815 United States 10/06/2012 07:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | you should divorce her before she's going to ruin your life forever. What kind of marriage is if she won't give you 400 dollars? This is big dude, leave her, she also probably cheated on you already if this is her attitude torwards your marriage. |
grassyknoll User ID: 22185062 United States 10/06/2012 07:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You said you pay the bills. Just wondering does your wife get any discretionary $$? If she's a SAHM she might feel like she can't spend any of the family money on herself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115 ive NEVER refused her anything........ 2nd mistake.... Now just why in the HELL do I have to press "one" for English? Politicians should always have their head in a noose,it keeps them upright and on their toes. There may come a time when the only thing left to do is say "Fuck it!", draw your weapon,and see what happens. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 15323087 United States 10/06/2012 07:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | how can i find out if shes squirrlin away money shes made 24 thou so far this yr and i see only 900 in her cking acct and savings... thanks for your replys.... i was thiking i was righ to feel all fd up... but when this thing happens thi slate in the game you dont want reality to be what it is osmetimes...lov ya |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 15323087 United States 10/06/2012 07:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 13158115 United States 10/06/2012 07:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BoboTheHobo User ID: 22607002 United States 10/06/2012 07:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 21738912 United States 10/06/2012 07:35 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You said you pay the bills. Just wondering does your wife get any discretionary $$? If she's a SAHM she might feel like she can't spend any of the family money on herself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115 This might be the case, in which case she feels right to for once have spending money. Honestly if one person takes care of household costs and the other doesn't but no determination was made ahead of time for a situation like this one, don't expect to see the money. If you aren't sharing with her, she won't share with you. If she has to ask to purchase stuff, she probably won't share this extra cash with you. Etc and so forth. and fwiw, you are butthurt over 4k? over a 400 dollar xbow? Save up your money so you respect your xbow more than you will. Her own mother, mom, gave her that money. That sort of thing I'd also look at as different from sharing lottery proceeds. Her mom might've given stipulations on how she is allowed to spend the money. It was her mom's gift to her and not to you, so for all intents and purposes, it's your wifes. Inheritance issues are a bit retarded. If you have someone in your fam that gives you money for xmas gifts, does she get half? this list goes on and on. it's |
stillhere User ID: 16315970 United States 10/06/2012 07:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If what she got was an Inheritance it is not marital property. This is where money and marriage get sticky when there are kids involved and prior marriages. It hurts everyone, but why should your wife's inheritance go to your children? In second or third marriages it pays to have a legal plan for if and when either of you die. This will help everyone. Money is very difficult for many couples to agree upon, take the time and don't let resentments ruin your relationship. Have you considered that she might wish to buy you the crossbow for Christmas? What was she going to do with the money--she might just want to put it into savings? There is always more to the story. Still, get a lawyer and have a clear will made up to protect your children, my father didn't and when he died his wife got all of his inheritance and now when she dies her kids will get what is left. Seeing as how the money was made by my grandparents I'm sure they didn't intend it to go to her children. I let it go, but I'm sure your children will appreciate it if you take the time and effort to protect them. Last Edited by stillhere on 10/06/2012 07:40 PM "You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.” Michael Levy |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24964206 Portugal 10/06/2012 07:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
grassyknoll User ID: 22185062 United States 10/06/2012 07:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | OK,guy,here is the real deal. Women will not respect a man who treats her nice. They always pine for the guy who was indifferent and demeaning,he was a "real man". I've seen this too many times. You want her heart,mind and soul? Make her feel like you don't know she exists. Act aloof. In other words,be a real dick. If you don't believe this,watch reruns of "Sex and the City". It is all about women chasing after the bad boy users. Now just why in the HELL do I have to press "one" for English? Politicians should always have their head in a noose,it keeps them upright and on their toes. There may come a time when the only thing left to do is say "Fuck it!", draw your weapon,and see what happens. |
SevenThunders User ID: 15851599 United States 10/06/2012 07:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Tell her you don't feel like she's treating your marriage like a partnership and it hurts. Therefore from now on your accounts will be separate from hers. She can come to you if her job isn't covering her basic needs and apply for extra funds if you feel the cause is worthy. Maybe you can create a form for her to fill out, when she needs to request funds. With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 14564403 United States 10/06/2012 07:45 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 21738912 United States 10/06/2012 07:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You said you pay the bills. Just wondering does your wife get any discretionary $$? If she's a SAHM she might feel like she can't spend any of the family money on herself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115 This might be the case, in which case she feels right to for once have spending money. Honestly if one person takes care of household costs and the other doesn't but no determination was made ahead of time for a situation like this one, don't expect to see the money. If you aren't sharing with her, she won't share with you. If she has to ask to purchase stuff, she probably won't share this extra cash with you. Etc and so forth. and fwiw, you are butthurt over 4k? over a 400 dollar xbow? Save up your money so you respect your xbow more than you will. Her own mother, mom, gave her that money. That sort of thing I'd also look at as different from sharing lottery proceeds. Her mom might've given stipulations on how she is allowed to spend the money. It was her mom's gift to her and not to you, so for all intents and purposes, it's your wifes. Inheritance issues are a bit retarded. If you have someone in your fam that gives you money for xmas gifts, does she get half? this list goes on and on. it's sorry, meant to finish that thought. O.o It's retarded. But anyways, these things should be straightened out before the wedding. It appears there was a failure to straighten out money matters prior to putting a ring on it, so it's really not my problem in how you decide your fate. To end a marriage over 4k is a bit ridiculous, but so is marrying someone without making financial agreements ahead of time (verbal, prenup, or otherwise) is just asking for shit to hit the fan. But now you know and next time you are on the dating scene you'll know better. There are many degrees of things that need to be predetermined before marriage. I used to talk about this all the time on glp because I went more anonymous in my ways. Let me explain a few that are important: *thoughts on raising kids (how to, how many, spanking, how to deal with a hellion, etc) *willingness to have kids live with you after they are mature adults *thoughts on hard and soft drugs/herbs *smoking or lack thereof *diet (ie: vegetarian, omnivore, etc) *finances/dealing with debt *travel interests *debate vs full on verbal argument with namecalling etc *emo issues, mental health issues, therapy, etc. if you both need a therapist would be a major thing to consider because if he/she doesn't want to go and you need couples therapy, you're a bit screwered. *fav foods, hated foods, foods that better not be cooked in the house, etc *types of movies, types of sports, types of extracurricular activities, types of tv shows watched *time spent on the phone, on apps, on the computer, texting, or chatting with the moms or pops. *whether to get married or remain happily dating until you both kick the bucket Really this list is only as extensive as you or your significant other or potential significant other deem important. If you fail to make these determinations prior to happily ever after wedded bliss, it should fall to you to get things straight or leave (though whether I agree on if 4k should be used as leverage as to why the other person is terrible and should be divorced is not important). |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1106916 United States 10/06/2012 07:49 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25091232 United States 10/06/2012 07:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If she inherited the money and the person who left it to her wanted it to be used on his or her blood relatives, then she should respect the dead persons wishes.Both from a legal and biblical standpoint. Does she have to prepare any sort of accounting for this money-are you aware of the details of the estate restrictions? If you want to assure that your children are treated fairly after your death, then you should make consult an attny about inheritance laws in your state, and prepare your will accordingly. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 8398786 United States 10/06/2012 07:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | my wifes mom came into some money , had a family gathering, she gave each of her kids an envelope each contained 4000 dollars , i asked my wife for 400 for a crossbow , and a bit for survival food stuff... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15323087 well she says its hers not mine, weve been married for 12 yrs... im worreid what what will happen if i die will all the money left over be HERS and none go to my kids ... im hurt , or am i just being greedy... i thought when you got married you became one in ALL respects.... The envelopes containg the money only had her kids name on it... when i got my inheritence i opaid off her house... ya know i asked to BORROW the money like id pay her in three cks postdated , she didnt evenm go for that... like i said im devasataed or IS SHE RIGHT to do this... im just fkn crushed!!!! i feel like this is the gamechanger .... OR AM I WRONG ...please help with your opinion No, your right,cut her off the root. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1285189 China 10/06/2012 07:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | yea i dont know but after her getting that money you should have gotten the bow as a gift lol whats up with borrowing money from your wife? i dont even do that whit a girlfriend. if she needs or wants something and i get affort it ill get it and vice versa |
Lyttlmiss User ID: 23177373 United States 10/06/2012 07:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I would say mother from a parent to a child should not be communal. Just like inhetitance. Unless there is a need that needs to be filled the money is hers. Lottery paychecks, tax returns and all that is marital money. But money given as a gift or inheritance is not IMO. If you needed money for something like pay bills or medicine well then I would say should kick it in but otherwise it is her's. And just idea here maybe you are being a bit selfish... Christmas is not far off if she knows you want a crossbow maybe she wants to suprise you with one.. Just something to think about. |