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I'm a little teapot

 
Anonymous Coward
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10/15/2012 06:21 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
There are some things that you can never get over, the best you can do is learn to live with it.Having been in the mkultra program is certainly one of those things. For one thing it is never over with.Too many questions,too many memories that pop up that you dont have answers too.They never truly leave you alone,,its like they are always watching.
 Quoting: Kituwa 24875864


Yeah, every bit of common advice always seems to start with "find a safe place" or assumes you've reached one. What a load of crap that is. Even if everything ceased for ages, how in hell can anyone blindly assume all is well and done? Last time I checked we're still all on the same planet and no further than a flight away.

Hi LightUnderTheDoor ,

I havent had a chance to look at your thread yet but I plan to hf
 Quoting: YOUCITY 18850702


Hey hf
Nothing too interesting in it, just me whining :)
Anonymous Coward
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10/15/2012 07:18 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
although I could never confirm at this point whether I've been involved in this as deeply as some on this thread, one thing I do know is I came across the topic many years ago...but for some reason there was an almost 'hypnotic' suggestion to "stay away". I came across Fritz Springmeier's book on monarch programming at that time, but could not read, for whatever reason, more than a few pages. I have since read the whole thing and pushed myself constantly to find out as much as I can, because of my family's multigenerational military background, and my seemingly interesting ability to meet and be friends with people over the years who have had pretty heavy programming...the stories I've heard...

I spent all my adolescence+ within the mental health system, but it never got beyond a 2 week stint at a hospital in my early 20s. After that point my parents and myself pushed me to get away from the mental health establishment. My parents had become scientologists at that point...which is another story but of course related.

I always felt I was put in a program very young, but it was aborted due to me not complying in some way. My life has loads of psychic experiences and uncanny coincidences- such as my close involvement and friendships with people who were very much displaying many of the symptoms divuldged in Springmeier's book. I was asked multiple times as a child if I was developing a photographic memory...I was like 2-4 years of age and being asked this is one of my few verbal memories...my great grandfather had it, and the family on my moms side goes back two presidents I'll leave unnamed here. They asked me if "I had a photographic memory like his." I had times as even a teenager with significant blackouts where I'd been verbally abusive...when a family member told about one in particular it floored me...felt horrible for a few days...but then realized what if I have many more epidsodes like this one?

I wish you the best with figuring out what has happened and dealing with the pain. Much peace, hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1271534


There was all sorts of fuss over the photographic memory when I was growing up. It's probably why I was taught to blur out faces in my vision when I looked at people, in case that memory was working.

It annoys the hell out of me that they were essentially looking for "fully loaded" humans, and when they couldn't find one they resorted to some fucking Frankenstein-esque techniques. I come from the same neighbourhood that multiple US presidents from the last few decades spent time in, so not exactly a stranger to their steps. Maybe you were a "back up". Hell if I know what I am. I still can't decide if I just had really bad luck (or a bad location anyway) or if this stuff is seriously throughout society.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door



I feel like I've had to disconnect and guard myself from becoming involved with the wrong people. I only keep a few friends, and usually don't discuss this stuff with them...I can smell a 'rat' from a good distance so to speak. If I am creeped out by someone, if at all possible I get the hell out...

...I remember all the energy I collected, especially in college before landing in the hospital. These people, particularly a close relationship I had were cunningly narcisistic, and when it was all said and done, the entire few years fiasco was all my fault. I had friends that said "wow, so you've actually got people working against you". Very few knew the whole story amungst my total circle (which was large because i was at a small college), because the perps were very worried about being called out. They did slander me online- but they couldn't face me. When I returned to finish my education I spoke about it pretty freely with friends I still had and was as open as I could've been after having the kind of mental breakdown I had. The whole thing occurred right after 9/11, but it built to a head strongly in summer of 2001.

911 triggered a lot of us I believe...things came to ahead and now I am on guard because they are trying to do it again in a major way...this time I am smarter though and realize the nature of the game...how all of us, although small pieces in the puzzle are all in on this...it is an energy they are feeding and harvesting, some of us are just more directly/deeply involved in various ways. Some people only need a TV set...thousands of others like us are for whatever reason selected to display larger and darker parts of the program.

I think people go through rough times...that is for sure. But then there are some of us that experience things that are not just typical bad days or unforseen circumstances, and these themes go on for a lifetime...
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:58 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sometimes I see myself sending out signals (symbols, code words, whatever you see them as) and I always make an excuse for why they are there like "Oh, I posted that there because I thought it was cute". But isn't that just a reporting function? Like sending out a "yes I'm here and in this part of the process" message?

Bleh, it's all just nuts but not acknowledging it isn't exactly healthy either.
Blue Skies

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10/16/2012 10:08 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sometimes I see myself sending out signals (symbols, code words, whatever you see them as) and I always make an excuse for why they are there like "Oh, I posted that there because I thought it was cute". But isn't that just a reporting function? Like sending out a "yes I'm here and in this part of the process" message?

Bleh, it's all just nuts but not acknowledging it isn't exactly healthy either.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Are you sending out these signals, to gauge peoples responses?
:kitten on fence:
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 10:45 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sometimes I see myself sending out signals (symbols, code words, whatever you see them as) and I always make an excuse for why they are there like "Oh, I posted that there because I thought it was cute". But isn't that just a reporting function? Like sending out a "yes I'm here and in this part of the process" message?

Bleh, it's all just nuts but not acknowledging it isn't exactly healthy either.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Are you sending out these signals, to gauge peoples responses?
 Quoting: Blue Skies


I guess I'm sending them out to the people that can interpret them. Always have, like I was compelled to even though I honestly cannot stand communicating with those people and don't otherwise when it can be at all avoided. I don't really see them as human enough to have an interesting or emotion based response. No one else is really going to understand what a silly random symbol means so it's not for shock value or a testing ground for reaction.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 11:00 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
It's almost like the compulsion from excitement a kid gets when they discover what picture is on the side of a block and they have to show the grow-ups, no matter how worthless and unresponsive those particular grown-ups might be.

It's like..ohhh I figured you out in this part, and I'm going to post this big shiny apple with a triangle cut out because I know that your computer lab was in the park shaped like a triangle.

(But of course when I post it I'll put a disclaimer about "Oh isn't this the cutest shiniest apple you've ever seen, it reminds me of pie" or some such other garbage to explain it away even though it was so random that it probably didn't even need an explanation to begin with.)
Blue Skies

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10/16/2012 11:24 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sounds like you are challenging them to respond.....Like I dare you to acknowledge what I just showed you. lol
:kitten on fence:
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 11:27 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sounds like you are challenging them to respond.....Like I dare you to acknowledge what I just showed you. lol
 Quoting: Blue Skies


Possibly. I'm more worried about the compulsion to do so though. I shouldn't feel compelled to do a damn thing, especially when every other bit of me knows its a stupid idea to jump up and down saying "Hey, I'm right here standing in this exact position, would you like me to draw an x on my forehead while I'm at it or maybe I can just blockade myself from the next step for you since you know exactly how far I am in?"
Blue Skies

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10/16/2012 11:31 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sounds like you are challenging them to respond.....Like I dare you to acknowledge what I just showed you. lol
 Quoting: Blue Skies


Possibly. I'm more worried about the compulsion to do so though. I shouldn't feel compelled to do a damn thing, especially when every other bit of me knows its a stupid idea to jump up and down saying "Hey, I'm right here standing in this exact position, would you like me to draw an x on my forehead while I'm at it or maybe I can just blockade myself from the next step for you since you know exactly how far I am in?"
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Are you sure you are not looking for a confrontation of sorts. Maybe to bring all this to ahead. After all the years of quietly living it. You just may want a blowout.
:kitten on fence:
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 11:42 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sounds like you are challenging them to respond.....Like I dare you to acknowledge what I just showed you. lol
 Quoting: Blue Skies


Possibly. I'm more worried about the compulsion to do so though. I shouldn't feel compelled to do a damn thing, especially when every other bit of me knows its a stupid idea to jump up and down saying "Hey, I'm right here standing in this exact position, would you like me to draw an x on my forehead while I'm at it or maybe I can just blockade myself from the next step for you since you know exactly how far I am in?"
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Are you sure you are not looking for a confrontation of sorts. Maybe to bring all this to ahead. After all the years of quietly living it. You just may want a blowout.
 Quoting: Blue Skies


There is no blow-out though? I've been fighting on and off my whole life, this isn't exactly new, other than the fact I now have a program name that seems to fit a bit too well.

There are certain things, no matter how I try, that just don't end.

I pushed the things as wide open as I could in public (not talking glp) without resorting to mass media and one worker bothered to publicly disclose their previously covert job title. Talk about fucking anticlimactic. Yeah, it's nice to have it confirmed, but it's not exactly an apology and my life back, is it?
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 12:53 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
I solidly believe the MK Ultra conspiracy theory was designed as part of Clinton's crazy "Vast right wing conspiracy" crap. Those liberals are evil. What kind of people propagate this garbage. From Reagan to Bush 2 to Gov Palin these people have been unconscionably slandered. Really look at what these people are saying, only the sickest minds could think these things up. I can't believe people actually believe this.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22082088


Clinton had crap all to do with us. For me, it started in 1975. That's about 20 years before Clinton was elected and Ford would have been in office. Personally, I don't think any politician had anything to do with it. Look at the MK-ULTRA hearings in the mid 70's. I truly believe that Congress was unaware of what was being done to people for a very long time since the 50's, I think. Part of the reason is that they were blanketing what they were doing back then under the auspice of national security. National security is a great encompassing blanket that basically can obscure activities that won't see the light of day.

Let me ask you something. Do you believe that the government would treat children like guinea pigs?
 Quoting: ArmchairObserver


No I don't believe it. The US government did not rape and torture children to create brainwashed CIA agents and high level prostitutes, I mean really? You believe that? From what I understand it ended in 1964 and was actually carried out by universities to test various drugs on peoples minds. But hey keep living the fantasy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22082088


Issssssh you dont really know how the "elite" mind works dont you? They do that kind of thing all day, all night... JONHNNY LA GENTE ESTÁ MUY LOCA TANANANATATATAATA TAN TAN

Read Sade and Easton Ellis to begin understanding how those sickfucks that rule the world are really. Those two authors are a good addition stacked with all the Illuminati, Skull and Bones, Beatles and Crowley etc info and you will get a clearer picture. Yes they do that kind of thing! Dark Kabbalah, Sex Magick and all that fucking muck its all real but too horrible to accept.

All this MK Ultra stuff its a morbid topic and I stay away from it. Some people get like obsessed and its really a subject of which its better to know nothing except that yes they do that kind of things, continously.

My respect and support for any victim overcoming anything related. I too carry a long story of abuses of various types. In my opinion the worst abuse its the one we do to ourselves.
Blue Skies

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10/16/2012 12:58 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Sounds like you are challenging them to respond.....Like I dare you to acknowledge what I just showed you. lol
 Quoting: Blue Skies


Possibly. I'm more worried about the compulsion to do so though. I shouldn't feel compelled to do a damn thing, especially when every other bit of me knows its a stupid idea to jump up and down saying "Hey, I'm right here standing in this exact position, would you like me to draw an x on my forehead while I'm at it or maybe I can just blockade myself from the next step for you since you know exactly how far I am in?"
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Are you sure you are not looking for a confrontation of sorts. Maybe to bring all this to ahead. After all the years of quietly living it. You just may want a blowout.
 Quoting: Blue Skies


There is no blow-out though? I've been fighting on and off my whole life, this isn't exactly new, other than the fact I now have a program name that seems to fit a bit too well.

There are certain things, no matter how I try, that just don't end.

I pushed the things as wide open as I could in public (not talking glp) without resorting to mass media and one worker bothered to publicly disclose their previously covert job title. Talk about fucking anticlimactic. Yeah, it's nice to have it confirmed, but it's not exactly an apology and my life back, is it?
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

No.....You will never get back a childhood you deserved/wanted. But, you can make your future life what you want. Its up to you. To hell with everyone else. I think theirs a song about this somewhere :)

You know their are somethings in my childhood I wished I didn't have to experience. Nothing I can do about it. Only learn.

Last Edited by Blue Skies on 10/16/2012 12:59 PM
:kitten on fence:
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 02:05 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
If only it ended it childhood.
Ah well.
My future's shared by arseholes that have claimed a stake in it despite being told to fuck off.
Runaway

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10/16/2012 07:24 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
How the hell do I know the past is over? :/
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25615618


When you choose for it to be over, it will have no power over you. When you face your fears they no longer have power over you, they will fade away like the darkness does from the rising sun.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door


It's really not that simple. Sure, you can choose not to be a victim, and then certain kinds of cognitions will dissipate and become easier to deal with. But when it comes to hardcore mind control, it's a lot more complicated. I am not saying that a person can't dig themselves out, and I refuse to believe that there's no escape for someone like OP, but it's a long, hard, gruesome journey. It takes some survivors years before they can fully cut ties with their handlers and finally stop the abuse. Years. Part of the difficulty is identifying the handlers and abusers, behaviors that suck you in, and various other "triggers."

When a mind is split, amnesia walls are built, thus many people under mind control have no idea about it. She's already on the right path. She's broken through some of the first walls in recognizing something is wrong, and has been since childhood. The next steps are more elusive, much trickier, and frankly, dangerous. Simply willing the abusers away won't cut it. But oh, if it did. If only it did... *sigh*
Runaway

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10/16/2012 07:27 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
If only it ended it childhood.
Ah well.
My future's shared by arseholes that have claimed a stake in it despite being told to fuck off.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door




^ That's how I feel about the slavers. lulz
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 07:57 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
How the hell do I know the past is over? :/
 Quoting: Light under the door


When you choose for it to be over, it will have no power over you. When you face your fears they no longer have power over you, they will fade away like the darkness does from the rising sun.
 Quoting: AC


It's really not that simple. Sure, you can choose not to be a victim, and then certain kinds of cognitions will dissipate and become easier to deal with. But when it comes to hardcore mind control, it's a lot more complicated. I am not saying that a person can't dig themselves out, and I refuse to believe that there's no escape for someone like OP, but it's a long, hard, gruesome journey. It takes some survivors years before they can fully cut ties with their handlers and finally stop the abuse. Years. Part of the difficulty is identifying the handlers and abusers, behaviors that suck you in, and various other "triggers."

When a mind is split, amnesia walls are built, thus many people under mind control have no idea about it. She's already on the right path. She's broken through some of the first walls in recognizing something is wrong, and has been since childhood. The next steps are more elusive, much trickier, and frankly, dangerous. Simply willing the abusers away won't cut it. But oh, if it did. If only it did... *sigh*
 Quoting: Runaway


Doesn't help when I still like someone that's quite capable of using me. But Christ, when you can't escape you can at least pick the nicest one, right? Bleh.

I was looking at that "how to create a MC slave" book the other day..the Cisco Wheeler and Fritz one. I could swear I've seen Fritz quite a few times over the years. That face is hard to forget. And he's supposed to be the "saviour" or whatever, right? I don't think so, he's one of us. I know my own kind. But it makes me realise that when we seek out safety from something so strange, sometimes that safety has to have some of the same signatures as the mess, because who else could ever possibly understand. It does make it difficult to truly break free, especially when we're reminded that the world we'd be breaking free into is just a larger Petri dish.

I may be rambling.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 07:59 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
alien want to get a drink sometime? just me and you? I will leave my friends behind.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:01 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
alien want to get a drink sometime? just me and you? I will leave my friends behind.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18266788


As long as your ship isn't parked in the US.
The only way I'm coming to that land is in chains.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:03 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
alien want to get a drink sometime? just me and you? I will leave my friends behind.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18266788


As long as your ship isn't parked in the US.
The only way I'm coming to that land is in chains.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door


alien to us, it is all the same. frequencies are not localized, only in your thoughts do such places exist.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:03 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
If only it ended it childhood.
Ah well.
My future's shared by arseholes that have claimed a stake in it despite being told to fuck off.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door




^ That's how I feel about the slavers. lulz
 Quoting: Runaway


moshpit
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:05 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
alien want to get a drink sometime? just me and you? I will leave my friends behind.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18266788


As long as your ship isn't parked in the US.
The only way I'm coming to that land is in chains.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door


alien to us, it is all the same. frequencies are not localized, only in your thoughts do such places exist.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18266788


I still hate that one (the US), even if it's the same as the rest.
I guess in some ways I'm like the little kid that got stuck with a needle in one room at the doctors office but is still quite happy to go wandering into any other examination room along the hall (just not that one).
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 08:09 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
there are others like you, god speed


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15996643


There's a freaking seminar??
I'll have to check out the video.
hf

update:
I've decided they're insane even by my standards lol.
rocky/endtime truths

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10/16/2012 08:23 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot


Last Edited by rocky/endtime truths on 10/16/2012 08:57 PM
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 09:01 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
censored because Rocky is just that bad

 Quoting: rocky/endtime truths


Thanks hf

You didn't miss much with school.
In the end I ended up railroaded into a credential to fit my training and not what I wanted from life. It's just an absolute waste of paper.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 09:40 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
I got to looking through videos thanks to the one above, and this guy (not the first 10 minutes or so of the vid with the bald guy, but the interview after him starting at 10 minutes in), this one resonates (other than the assassin bit):

rocky/endtime truths

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10/16/2012 09:59 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
censored because Rocky is just that bad

 Quoting: rocky/endtime truths


Thanks hf

You didn't miss much with school.
In the end I ended up railroaded into a credential to fit my training and not what I wanted from life. It's just an absolute waste of paper.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door



Not bad just sad, How could someone understand without experiences, They can't and don't want to understand so I just deleted my post.
Anonymous Coward
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10/16/2012 10:21 PM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
censored because Rocky is just that bad

 Quoting: rocky/endtime truths


Thanks hf

You didn't miss much with school.
In the end I ended up railroaded into a credential to fit my training and not what I wanted from life. It's just an absolute waste of paper.
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door



Not bad just sad, How could someone understand without experiences, They can't and don't want to understand so I just deleted my post.
 Quoting: rocky/endtime truths


I'm sorry :(
I suppose everything's hard to believe if a person has no way to measure what's beyond a very dull life. I try to keep an open mind but even I turned off when listening to the video from the super soldiers link someone posted. I turned off because the guy started talking about out of body experiences where the person's soul was sent into a lab grown baby. There are just places the mind has trouble travelling. I've witnessed some pretty strange stuff, I've dissociated my way out of my body more times than I can count...but the idea of combining the two...I can't even easily accept it.
Anonymous Coward
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10/17/2012 08:01 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
I'm actually feeling okay about things this morning. Who knows how long that will last.

I was watching the video of some guy last night and he was going on and on about being an assassin, etc, etc. And while I know I went to enough military training camps, it doesn't really mesh with what I've felt about things. Same goes for the monarchs that go on and on about being sex toys, yeah I've had the training to some extent and I'm a masochist, but other than bit roles here and there it doesn't seem to be the focal point of my existence either.

12/22 edit to delete data

While not ideal, it's a bit more soothing of a thought than full time assassin hooker, now isn't it? It actually sort of resonates with a lot of what I am, how I think, what I enjoy, etcetera (not that I intend to work in the field as I feel too compromised for that, but just that it matches me on a personal level). I've always struggled with the concept of should I fight what I am if it was constructed by people I don't trust, yet still I can't exactly erase all of who I am either. We are all products of our upbringing and environments. And, from past experience, I know that erasing everything and starting over doesn't really work in the long run. It's hard to draw lines in the sand when the beach is constantly being eroded and redeposited with sand by the constant struggle that is the system and people that we live among.
Blue Skies

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10/17/2012 09:06 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
I got to looking through videos thanks to the one above, and this guy (not the first 10 minutes or so of the vid with the bald guy, but the interview after him starting at 10 minutes in), this one resonates (other than the assassin bit):


 Quoting: The Light Under the Door

Watched the video.....Ive seen a couple of others who claim to be supers soldiers.
I noticed the most important thing for him to get out. Was that this was a nazi based program. He was very hard to interview in the beginning because he had to say this speech. Whether this was done on his own or it was forced/programed. I dunno. Definitely had to get it out. He couldn't continue until he had.
The other is his, not remembering faces. Which I believe you had mentioned Light. That I presume is to protect himself. What you don't see/remember can't come back to haunt you. Remember the eyes are the window to the soul. Who would want to remember the look on someones face.....I'm sure its easier to not connect with anyone, even in general. That way you don't start feeling anything for them.
As for the soldier and alien part.....Who knows.

On an end note. Wouldn't surprise me if it was true.....Or if this was an elaborate disinformation scheme.
:kitten on fence:
Anonymous Coward
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10/17/2012 09:17 AM
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Re: I'm a little teapot
Watched the video.....Ive seen a couple of others who claim to be supers soldiers.
I noticed the most important thing for him to get out. Was that this was a nazi based program. He was very hard to interview in the beginning because he had to say this speech. Whether this was done on his own or it was forced/programed. I dunno. Definitely had to get it out. He couldn't continue until he had.
The other is his, not remembering faces. Which I believe you had mentioned Light. That I presume is to protect himself. What you don't see/remember can't come back to haunt you. Remember the eyes are the window to the soul. Who would want to remember the look on someones face.....I'm sure its easier to not connect with anyone, even in general. That way you don't start feeling anything for them.
As for the soldier and alien part.....Who knows.

On an end note. Wouldn't surprise me if it was true.....Or if this was an elaborate disinformation scheme.
 Quoting: Blue Skies


Yeah, the alien bit I chose to selectively ignore. It's not that I don't believe that outsiders can exist, I'm just not ready to hear weird stories about them.

But the first half...Jesus. So much stuff was similar to my experience that it was creepy.
Stuff like:

a) We're from the same year essentially.

b) He too isn't sure of his age (notice he says "4 or 5" "8 or 9" etc a lot. I do that too because my actual age and the age on my birth certificate are a year apart roughly.

c) One of my earliest memories is of being kidnapped from a facility (I call it a research hospital), which I could never fully understand, because I still grew up in similar stuff, so I wasn't exactly being saved apparently? But he has the same story of being kidnapped from one facility only to end up being raised by people still involved in it...he blames it on factions fighting...sounds as plausible as anything.

d) The blurring out faces. I was taught to do that. You said he mentioned that too?

e) The being raised by a family involved in alphabet agency stuff and inventing for military/alphabet agency stuff. If you change "step dad" in his story to "grandfather" in mine, and MI5/6 to CIA, we've got a match.

f) This is just silly, but one of his stories ends in "and I found myself half a mile away on the beach not sure of how I got there". Those are the EXACT words from one of my stories (but without the assassin part).

g) International abduction/travel as a small child.

And other little things. It's damn near creepy.
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