You know, "PEER" (OP), because I WANT to experience the bad things you experience, I don't experience them (anymore), I long for the time when I lost my head, and damnit it was hardwork trying to put humpty dumpty back together again, eventually I stopped doing anything about it. Now I have apathy, it's very plain, dull, boring, apathy.

I know how to get back on the bus again, all it takes is a leap of faith. More or less doing what you're doing, going about it exactly how you're going about it, be God fearing, and minus the fear of man but not foolishly so! Then, then I'll have my communion again with my god and tempting spirits. Oh! Yes I will. God hates a coward....