I was sitting in the car in the parking lot watching a man smoke today in the snow and wind. He inhaled for the longest time and then exhaled. I watched every single breath he took. Every single one of them... I don't know why. Fortunately he didn't notice me sitting there staring at him alternating between wanting to cry and wanting to run out and bum a cigarette or thundering out to rip it from his lips and stomp on it. I sat there and just watched. It almost seems like I'm in some kind of alternative world. I'm not a smoker at least today and I don't know who I really am. I'm just not him there inhaling and exhaling smoke in the winter landscape. Once a kindred spirit. Its going to be hard to find kindred spirits now because lord knows I can't freakin' stand the righteous non-smokers... Sometimes I wonder if I continued to smoke simply because I couldn't stand non-smokers. Funny I should find rebellion in me still at such a ripe old age. Apparently there are people out there that don't smoke that are quite nice human beings. So I think. So I'm told? Sanctimonious bastards! (:) JUST KIDDING!

This... Its just a freakin' addiction. It's not a big psychological thing I tell myself. It's just addiction. And today I am okay. Today.

You know Mac, your writing is poetry. There's a book in your struggle... At least you're making sense as you quit and not babbling and grumbling and wailing... lol :)

The rest of you are amazing too. How do we persevere? With each other. We are bonded now ladies and germs... :) Watching the smoke sweep away into the wind. Going going gone.