first off, I am not a "medical" professional, schooled at one of their "medical" training centers. Secondly, the advice I give you is just that, advice.

now, the first thing you want to do is get the following items:

mirror
sharp pin
lighter
cotton balls
wad of toilet paper
razor blade or scalpel
alcohol
hydrogen peroxide

then you may need a friend or relative, preferably a spouse to act as an assistant.

let's proceed!

first, drop your trousers and undies. Then stand with your legs spread widely and use the mirror to assess the situation down there.. What you will probably see is a big ugly sore that is extremely painful to the touch. That is what is causing you all of this grief.

secondly, use the lighter to sterilize the pin and the razor blade. Then use those items to poke or slice the object into pieces. It will ooze a bloody, watery mixture but the pain should go away immediately. Then take the cotton balls and soak them with alcohol. Wipe the area thoroughly. After the stinging subsides, dry the area with the toilet paper and then put hydrogen peroxide on it.

that's it! Your all done. Clean yourself up and go to McDonalds.

your welcome!