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Please help me understand something (personal issue)

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:02 PM
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Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Okay,I normally don't open threads,let alone personal threads but I think GLP members are members who can understand and clarify situations.

I am unemployed for years now.At first,I looked for jobs in my field (admin) but I couldn't find any because I cameto Canada with European degrees.Anyway,long story short,after that I applied for jobs in warehouses, making cakes etc..., anything that I could find, they never call me. Now,
my husband is tired and wants to divorce because I don't have a job and during all these years we didn't have a child. I don't know if that is normal to want to divorce because of a job. I am harassed every day...
help me understand.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14105059
United States
10/16/2012 03:04 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Why not move somewhere you both can find work ?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25687667
United Kingdom
10/16/2012 03:05 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
'for better or worse'

grant his wish!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18401048
United States
10/16/2012 03:05 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:06 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Iknow but he wants to stay in this small city.See,that's why I said GLP members are very smart,I already raised that question and he refused. He said "if you move to find a job in another city but I will never follow you,I already have a job" he says.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25682268
United States
10/16/2012 03:06 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
because I cameto Canada with European degrees.

sounds like you are blaming canada because they don't accept your european degrees.
i hear you saying its canadas fault, not yours because your so intelligent you have degrees.
if there are jobs there, you will find one if you try hard enough. if you don't put effort into it then you won't.
if the job market is anything like here in the u.s. real unemployment 20+ percent then i feel for ya.
but it sounds like ur lazy and blaming others
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:10 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:11 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
because I cameto Canada with European degrees.

sounds like you are blaming canada because they don't accept your european degrees.
i hear you saying its canadas fault, not yours because your so intelligent you have degrees.
if there are jobs there, you will find one if you try hard enough. if you don't put effort into it then you won't.
if the job market is anything like here in the u.s. real unemployment 20+ percent then i feel for ya.
but it sounds like ur lazy and blaming others
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25682268

no I blame my degrees not Canada

they didn't help me so far.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18401048
United States
10/16/2012 03:11 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


well you are doing your fair share then.

leave him
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:13 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


well you are doing your fair share then.

leave him
 Quoting: Oyster


no for him there is no 50% -50% and he shouldn't be providing forme.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:15 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
because I cameto Canada with European degrees.

sounds like you are blaming canada because they don't accept your european degrees.
i hear you saying its canadas fault, not yours because your so intelligent you have degrees.
if there are jobs there, you will find one if you try hard enough. if you don't put effort into it then you won't.
if the job market is anything like here in the u.s. real unemployment 20+ percent then i feel for ya.
but it sounds like ur lazy and blaming others
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25682268


canada and the states don't recognize certain degrees,that's what I meant.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25526017
United States
10/16/2012 03:16 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
My wife has stuck by my side sometimes working 2 jobs due to my illness! I guess It depends on the patience and faith of the person you are with!
?Really?

User ID: 25689643
United States
10/16/2012 03:19 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
People say they can't find jobs, and yet every where I go it seems someone is hiring.

Maybe you should try to just get a part time job in a grocery store, or fast food place. Get some sort of canadian work history, and go from there.

Get over the fact that you have a degree in this or that, and start out as if you have no job experience at all. You have to start somewhere.

There is a thread on GLP with ideas for creating your own business, but if you know how to bake and decorate cakes, then perhaps put it out there that it is your business to make wonderful cakes, and advertise in places like laundry mats, and ma and pa shops.

I wouldn't recommend this kind of job unless you are well equipped, but look for merchandising jobs. They are everywhere. Don't go further than the pay allows...(I did this)...find a merch job that is local to your area or no more than say, 30 miles or so. Otherwise, you end up paying to have a job. But, they are easy jobs.

Good luck!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:19 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
My wife has stuck by my side sometimes working 2 jobs due to my illness! I guess It depends on the patience and faith of the person you are with!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25526017


During that time did she ever complain?
I understand his frustration but he becomes abusive. He says "if you had at least children with me to provide for...but you don't"
Household work is not work for him.
?Really?

User ID: 25689643
United States
10/16/2012 03:21 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
I was gonna post that, and be done, but it is nagging at me to say this...

When I posted this to you just a minute ago, I got an image pop into mind of a lake/woods/dock. Whatever that means.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:25 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
People say they can't find jobs, and yet every where I go it seems someone is hiring.

Maybe you should try to just get a part time job in a grocery store, or fast food place. Get some sort of canadian work history, and go from there.

Get over the fact that you have a degree in this or that, and start out as if you have no job experience at all. You have to start somewhere.

There is a thread on GLP with ideas for creating your own business, but if you know how to bake and decorate cakes, then perhaps put it out there that it is your business to make wonderful cakes, and advertise in places like laundry mats, and ma and pa shops.

I wouldn't recommend this kind of job unless you are well equipped, but look for merchandising jobs. They are everywhere. Don't go further than the pay allows...(I did this)...find a merch job that is local to your area or no more than say, 30 miles or so. Otherwise, you end up paying to have a job. But, they are easy jobs.

Good luck!
 Quoting: ?Really?


I use to have my online store selling vintage clothing.I was good at it then the crisis happened and the sales slowed down. Thank you for your help with the tips.

I think I need to redo my resume or remove some information from it. Maybe sometimes it's better not to have any degree.I don't feel superior at all with my degrees but I thought my education would have helped me,I thought we go to school to have degrees to land a job. I also think starting somewhere is great I applied for Walmart and other packing jobs.
thanks again :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:28 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
I was gonna post that, and be done, but it is nagging at me to say this...

When I posted this to you just a minute ago, I got an image pop into mind of a lake/woods/dock. Whatever that means.
 Quoting: ?Really?


what is it? I love nature

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25526017
United States
10/16/2012 03:30 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
My wife has stuck by my side sometimes working 2 jobs due to my illness! I guess It depends on the patience and faith of the person you are with!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25526017


During that time did she ever complain?
I understand his frustration but he becomes abusive. He says "if you had at least children with me to provide for...but you don't"
Household work is not work for him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


actually she has been really good! I think she feels guilty though I had a multi million dollar business and she ran it into the ground in less then a year!
?Really?

User ID: 25689643
United States
10/16/2012 03:30 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
ahhh...I am also unemployed, and just haven't gone looking for a job too hard. Right now I'm just taking time for me, and have needed that, but I've been thinking about ways to not have to work for someone else.

I know a lady who, even though she has a job, she bakes pies. I couldn't believe the amount of pies she'd sell, and for 15 bucks a pie! She made good side money that way.

I wouldn't dare apply at wallyworld. You're braver than me.
And yeah, school doesn't mean anything anymore (around here, anyway). It's all about experience.
?Really?

User ID: 25689643
United States
10/16/2012 03:35 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
I was gonna post that, and be done, but it is nagging at me to say this...

When I posted this to you just a minute ago, I got an image pop into mind of a lake/woods/dock. Whatever that means.
 Quoting: ?Really?


what is it? I love nature

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


I don't know...really don't. I guess think of something that might be around you, and go from there. I think it has to be around you somewhere. Maybe it's a river...instead of a lake. scratching
Guenwyfar

User ID: 24419775
United States
10/16/2012 03:39 PM

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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


well you are doing your fair share then.

leave him
 Quoting: Oyster


I'm going to have to agree on that one. I'm normally not one to suggest leaving but it sounds like he does not appreciate one bit of what you do. Stop doing all of those things for a few days and see if he notices the difference! I'm a stay at home mom and do the same thing as you.. all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare (we have two kids) etc. It becomes a full time job. Especially when you're helping to keep the budget in check like you seem to be, OP. Go back to your home country and live a happier life.
Guenwyfar

"Karma is like a rubberband.. it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face."

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

"Religion is like a penis, it's fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that's when we have a problem."
Guenwyfar

User ID: 24419775
United States
10/16/2012 03:42 PM

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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


well you are doing your fair share then.

leave him
 Quoting: Oyster


no for him there is no 50% -50% and he shouldn't be providing forme.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


In my opinion it becomes 50-50 when you get married. For us it was when we moved in together. Sorry, OP. He sounds like an ass.
Guenwyfar

"Karma is like a rubberband.. it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face."

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

"Religion is like a penis, it's fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that's when we have a problem."
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 03:57 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
...


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


well you are doing your fair share then.

leave him
 Quoting: Oyster


no for him there is no 50% -50% and he shouldn't be providing forme.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


In my opinion it becomes 50-50 when you get married. For us it was when we moved in together. Sorry, OP. He sounds like an ass.
 Quoting: Guenwyfar


I am sorry I didn't explain that well,he believes in 50-50 but for him I am not doing the 50% because household work,ironing, folding,cleaning etc is not work (it's nada),because household work doesn't pay the bills and he would appreciate if I actually take care of a kid and the house and have a job too.
thank you foryour input you helped me a lot.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 04:01 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
one day he said he does 80 % and I don't even do 20%.
given the fact I don't drive, we sometimes go grocery shopping together.
Last time, I went to buy groceries walking for an hour,I don't mind walking but he was at home and the car was parked in the driveway.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18401048
United States
10/16/2012 04:04 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
OP, your only option is to move on.

i know it is tough but if you want to be happy then there is no other solution
Angelic_Warrior

User ID: 23290196
United States
10/16/2012 04:11 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
question. are you taking care of the household? all the cooking and cleaning that is.
 Quoting: Oyster


yes cleaning,cooking,laundry,ironing, etc... I cook from scratch,I also make sure the food budget is well balanced. I also make sure not to go overboard with the water and electricity and iron or vaccuum on the week end and the dishwasher after 7pm as we have a smart meter.
I saved him a lot of money with the ideas I have for the budget.
I never ask him formoney for hairdresser,pedicure/manucure (I do it at home) he expect me to work and clean etc....
he says "I am uncapable offinding work because I am stupid and refugees who don't even speak english have work"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607



This is considered verbal abuse. Go to the library and find some books by Patricia Evans. I'm reading one now and it's very enlightening.

Best wishes..
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
Angelic_Warrior

User ID: 23290196
United States
10/16/2012 04:14 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Seriously... if you let this name calling continue for a long period of time, you will begin to question your sanity or at the very least your self esteem will be in the toilet if it isn't all ready.

Go on you tube and look up verbal abuse and Patricia Evans.
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
?Really?

User ID: 25689643
United States
10/16/2012 04:14 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
one day he said he does 80 % and I don't even do 20%.
given the fact I don't drive, we sometimes go grocery shopping together.
Last time, I went to buy groceries walking for an hour,I don't mind walking but he was at home and the car was parked in the driveway.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19429607


Yeah...he's an ass. Better get your license, and make yourself a bit more independant as soon as you can so you don't start believing all his mean abusive rants.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 04:50 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
I have a phobia at the wheel.
The self-esteem is already down. I will go on youtube to watch Patricia Evans and see if I can findsome pdf books as my locallibrary is crap.
My older neighbor who goes to church every sunday told me that's normal he is mean because I don't work....she is from Poland. I already invited her for coffee but she judged me and think all this is my fault. She knows I take care of everything at home.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25697371
United States
10/16/2012 04:53 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Are you staying with him because he is providing you financial support?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 19429607
Canada
10/16/2012 05:00 PM
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Re: Please help me understand something (personal issue)
Are you staying with him because he is providing you financial support?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25697371


I have no family here,no support. I don't know, like the previous poster said I think he destroyed my self esteem and now I am afraid to move on. I think I believed what he said when he said I am worthless etc...and the interviewer feels this to when I am job hunting.

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