Best Chuck Norris jokes ever

Chuck Norris laid the transatlantic cable all by himself...in one day...with no air tanks.

LOL

GLP isn't a conspiracy forum, it's a Chuck Norris forum. you just didn't know he was doing all this.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris' obvious facelift was performed by none other than Dr. Chuck Norris, with no anesthetic.

Chuck Norris beat Thor in arm wrestling. then he ate his hammer.

Is it ironic that a thread with this title has quite possibly the worst Chuck Norris joke of all time to start it off?

why do chinese have slanty eyes? one day Chuck Norris saw their ancestors eating a dog, and he roundhouse kicked them so hard...

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

LOL

ROFL!!!

Every single joke in this thread so far has been absolutely awful. Please change thread title to Worst Chuck Norris jokes ever.

During the 1989 "World Series" earthquake in the San Francisco Bay Area, when one section of the Bay Bridge fell, Chuck Norris stretched across the void so cars could pass over.

why do French women have hairy armpits and Italian women have moustaches? because Chuck Norris screwed them so hard, now they actually have part Chuck Norris in them

Donald Trump, is that you?

Chuck Norris was once heard talking to himself...just to hear another opinion.

Chuck Norris is rewriting the pre-history books...

[link to io9.com]

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

why do Neanderthals have a jutting chin and a sloping forehead, but Cro Magnons have a small chin and a big forehead? Chuck Norris

the jokes are getting worse... didn't think that was possible, but....

Wanker, Texas Ranger

1 Foot was defined as the length of King Archibald's foot. but 1 Yard was defined as the length of Chuck Norris' foot. because he could kick you from across the yard.

the most badass buildings in the world are the Egyptian Pyramids. why? because everything about them is measured in cubits, which is defined as the distance from Chuck Norris' elbow to his fist.

that was a lot of effort just to be unfunny.

Chuck Norris waters his grass with the blood of emo's so it can cut itself

If Chuck Norris got bit by a zombie, Chuck wouldnt turn into a zombie , the zombie would turn into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was an only child...eventually.

Chuck doesn't read books. He stares them down to get the information he needs!

Only two things will survive Nuclear War--cockroaches and Chuck Norris. However the roaches won't survive Chuck Norris.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Chuck Norris is so old that I could even kick his feeble ass!