I was not being sarcastic in my efforts. I was literally asking for help. I did however contemplate the phrasing of the question; The method in which I approached. A friend's child was saying this phrase (for serious) and he was oddly annoyed by it. I thought it very creative as well as clever in usage, but that is besides the point.

If you found it upsetting I assure you it is not my intent, and for this I apologize. But the question reminds. Please allow me to rephrase it at this time.

Can you help? Seriously need some. Please help.