I know I'm not punished! And since you said you'd love to know and I'm in the mood to write, I think I'll do just that!

First of all I was very empathetic growing up. Saw a lot of death, suffering ... didn't understanding it and parents were not the type to shield. Just didn't know to. I never wanted anyone to suffer. I was the type of kid who would never make fun of someone else..."but for the grace of God" sort of thing.

Deep thinker too. Asked a lot of questions "why are we here" "why is everyone running here, there and yonder" "why aren't they asking the important questions" "all there is is love" "Is this really a dream" "Why does God let these things happen" etc. Was always told I was wise beyond my years. etc. I understand now about filters ... and since my childhood was a difficult on some levels ... you may just pass it off as that.

However I think I also picked up the energies of people around me. Didn't understand that either. And would check out "go into my head" when things got to much to bear.

But was also a creative person as well...

Early in my life, trying to figure out who I was and deal with these feelings, fears etc...I decided to go talk to someone. You see my filter was basically showing me that life had a lot of negatives ... I wasn't sure if it was learned or if that was "how it is"

I'm also a 33 (birth date adds up to 33) Have meaning? Who knows!

In addition, I've always felt like something was coming. Even as a young person...I felt as if the world could not continue as it has. It would reach "the straw that broke the camels back" so to speak.

Add to that...I think there may have been medical reasons that I may have been so sad!


So again, off I go as a young twenty something...to talk about everything. Must have also been very niave because they convince me that the way I was feeling was genetic and a drug was just the ticket...because I was like a diabetic who needs insulin. After immediately having crying jags etc I was convinced they must be right. Stupid I know.

Fast forward years later, after the drugs almost killed me, my family thought I was crazy and almost died...I get to rebuild my body/brain while losing everything in my life. Along with a good portion of my memories.

Hows that!

So I have been rebuilding for quite a long time and am almost done...but then there is the starting over. All of which I now realize could have been averted (at least in part) had I just stuck to talking only lol!

Now I try to look at this as preparing me for something...however the preparation has to end sometime. I hope!