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I am truly alone- bipolar

 
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 2307940
United States
11/07/2012 08:58 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
I feel alone . crazy. misunderstood . I am usually verbally abused for my opinions. i am scared to displease . yet scared to talk to . no money, no meds i take fish oil d3 zinc and bcomplex, my family despises me and im just so likw, why. does anyone else feel this waY or am i just a loser
meds
 Quoting: Amethyst1974


You're not a loser im the exact same. Everything you posted applies the same to me.
 Quoting: Meligrove


AWWWW! thank you, its nice to know i'm not the only one i feel for you life is so damn hard. Luckily my mood is better today YAY!!! I hate my mood swings it feels paralyzing.
Unfortunately, Its damage control time for me because as usual I called and lashed out on my family and husband.
Its part and parcel with my episodes to act out its like the drunk who blacks out, and wakes up going , WTF did i do?
who did i piss off ? what nasty thing did i say? awhore
Amethyst1974
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 2307940
United States
11/07/2012 09:02 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day. If you aren't taking meds to help regulate the disease have you thought about talking to a professional to build a support group for the times like this?
 Quoting: KungPowMeowMeow


I have for years on and off been in therapy, groups and meds all through the spectrum. I cant afford meds or therapy now if I want to eat!!whats worse, is my complete paranoia of the medical-industrial complex . doesn't help my cause.
Amethyst1974
Tri-Polar
User ID: 24950559
United States
11/07/2012 09:04 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
hang in there. also know that one day all your pain will be gone if u believe in God. hf
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 2307940
United States
11/07/2012 09:05 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
Good luck to you, may things work out for you, I get how you feel.

My mental illness list is too long to go into, but sadly (yes this is negative) the good positive feeling times only occur to trick you. You feel negative/bad all the time you eventually learn to cope/adapt and continue on. The good feelings just last long enough for me to drag me out of my negative moods, before just "disappearing" and chucking me back into the deep end of the shit. You get shown how things could be just so it can reset your measurement of despair. If you get what I mean.
 Quoting: Master X


OH hell yes do i get what you mean!!! ROBOTdance
Amethyst1974
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25148952
United States
11/07/2012 09:07 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
why did you reject the one woman that truly loved you?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23524705
United States
11/07/2012 09:12 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
I am very ADHD as well as obsessive, but not compulsive. I am not bi-polar, because I don't get depression, however I do have swings into mania. Like I'm a maniac. I'm medicated, happily treated these days but it took a long time, years, to find the right combination of drugs.

I have also talked to more then a dozzen shirnks, and therapists, psychologists etc. The guy I see now is great and I like him allot, I was talking to him about how little my partner of more then 8 years understands me, and he said that probably no one will ever understand me in the way I want to. It is difficult, because I feel as though I will never be able to have the kind of relationship I want with other people.

For what its worth my sister is bi-polar and does pretty well on a large dose of lithium.
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 2307940
United States
11/07/2012 09:13 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
why did you reject the one woman that truly loved you?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25148952


Thats a loaded question!! many reasons most of which have to do with being molested by my a close family member from 5-12 and her staying with him. I suppose its passive-agressive, its a question I often ask myself. I love my parents. I think in these episodes I literally regress to an age where your unable to control yourself. probably sounds stupid. ultimately, I wish I didn't beacause otherwise, i'm a quite rational, kind person. ODD
Amethyst1974
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 2307940
United States
11/07/2012 09:21 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
I am very ADHD as well as obsessive, but not compulsive. I am not bi-polar, because I don't get depression, however I do have swings into mania. Like I'm a maniac. I'm medicated, happily treated these days but it took a long time, years, to find the right combination of drugs.

I have also talked to more then a dozzen shirnks, and therapists, psychologists etc. The guy I see now is great and I like him allot, I was talking to him about how little my partner of more then 8 years understands me, and he said that probably no one will ever understand me in the way I want to. It is difficult, because I feel as though I will never be able to have the kind of relationship I want with other people.

For what its worth my sister is bi-polar and does pretty well on a large dose of lithium.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23524705


Thanks for your reply. Im glad you have found a good medication therapy. talk therapy can only do so much, and it helps for awhile then, for me it doesn't anymore. I have always struggled in relationships with my partners I am on my 2nd marriage and he is a lot like me he is totally alpha male which, I have to have or I will abuse and manipulate horribly anyone who is more laid back.
he really is ADHD for sure. we are a pair! lol. He's the only person who truly calm me down. I dont have other friendships though so its hard you cant expect to over burden your partner or it drives them away?
Amethyst1974
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25686369
United States
11/07/2012 09:28 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
im not being negative but you need to look into ocd, like fixating on things. the reason i say is because many dont want help im guessing you do or your just looking for attention.

onething you said that stood out is your afraid to displease, the reason i bring up ocd is you might be very stuck in your 'thinking' and there are ways to break free from this. example a germafobe someone who is scared of germs part of treatment might be to not clean for a day or to let things get messy.

in yourcase you need to say what you mean without worrying caring about responces or how it will be viewed and your family? what do you need them for honestly? i dont really care if your family is shit you dont need them.

i dunno how long this has been going on with you, it maybe all you know you may just be venting or whatever but there are things and ways you can do to break out of this. its not easy it wont be fun but you got yourself here thru whatever means you can also change that you just have to start somewhere. stop relying on others maybe you just listen to whatever your told by doctors?

your mind has alot of power what you believe think effects your world, if you think your this loser and you have all these issues then your gonna. you dont have to. in some parts of your posts it almost seems like you relish in your 'issues' like oops thats just how i am how can it change? well what have you done to change it besides go to doctors and pray? you have to take steps you have to face the fear you have to piss some people off and before you start doing that this will probably just continue wich is probably all you know.. so do something about it from within you make it happen in reality and quit feeling sorry for yourself. ok i think im done projecting now, thx.

rantrant
Amethyst1974 (OP)

User ID: 5533812
United States
11/07/2012 09:51 AM
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Re: I am truly alone- bipolar
im not being negative but you need to look into ocd, like fixating on things. the reason i say is because many dont want help im guessing you do or your just looking for attention.

onething you said that stood out is your afraid to displease, the reason i bring up ocd is you might be very stuck in your 'thinking' and there are ways to break free from this. example a germafobe someone who is scared of germs part of treatment might be to not clean for a day or to let things get messy.

in yourcase you need to say what you mean without worrying caring about responces or how it will be viewed and your family? what do you need them for honestly? i dont really care if your family is shit you dont need them.

i dunno how long this has been going on with you, it maybe all you know you may just be venting or whatever but there are things and ways you can do to break out of this. its not easy it wont be fun but you got yourself here thru whatever means you can also change that you just have to start somewhere. stop relying on others maybe you just listen to whatever your told by doctors?

your mind has alot of power what you believe think effects your world, if you think your this loser and you have all these issues then your gonna. you dont have to. in some parts of your posts it almost seems like you relish in your 'issues' like oops thats just how i am how can it change? well what have you done to change it besides go to doctors and pray? you have to take steps you have to face the fear you have to piss some people off and before you start doing that this will probably just continue wich is probably all you know.. so do something about it from within you make it happen in reality and quit feeling sorry for yourself. ok i think im done projecting now, thx.

rantrant
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25686369


Thank you for your well thought out and good response . I'm sure much of it is true . Thanks for your that. :-)
Amethyst1974

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