im not being negative but you need to look into ocd, like fixating on things. the reason i say is because many dont want help im guessing you do or your just looking for attention.

onething you said that stood out is your afraid to displease, the reason i bring up ocd is you might be very stuck in your 'thinking' and there are ways to break free from this. example a germafobe someone who is scared of germs part of treatment might be to not clean for a day or to let things get messy.

in yourcase you need to say what you mean without worrying caring about responces or how it will be viewed and your family? what do you need them for honestly? i dont really care if your family is shit you dont need them.

i dunno how long this has been going on with you, it maybe all you know you may just be venting or whatever but there are things and ways you can do to break out of this. its not easy it wont be fun but you got yourself here thru whatever means you can also change that you just have to start somewhere. stop relying on others maybe you just listen to whatever your told by doctors?

your mind has alot of power what you believe think effects your world, if you think your this loser and you have all these issues then your gonna. you dont have to. in some parts of your posts it almost seems like you relish in your 'issues' like oops thats just how i am how can it change? well what have you done to change it besides go to doctors and pray? you have to take steps you have to face the fear you have to piss some people off and before you start doing that this will probably just continue wich is probably all you know.. so do something about it from within you make it happen in reality and quit feeling sorry for yourself. ok i think im done projecting now, thx.