OP, the first thing I want you to know is that you are not alone. The fact that you reached out like you did suggests that you already know this to be true. Just know that you are among friends here, those who will not judge you and care about you without ever having met you. It is a very comforting feeling, I assure you :-)

I, and I know quite a few others here have been where you are now. What I think you are struggling with is giving up control. The hardest thing to do in strengthening your faith is having enough trust in God to let Him take over for you. Your fear of not having control over your life is what is most frustrating to you - at least that's how it was for me. Willingly submit yourself to the will of God, and allow Him to show you the path He has set for you.

You also must come to terms with the fact that you will never figure everything out, and that's okay. Our entire life is a classroom, and the lessons we don't learn the first time will be taught again. Just be sure you are willing to learn when they come your way. Slow down, and let each lesson sink in. You are trying to figure out a short cut, and life does not work that way. If you do not build a good foundation with easier lessons, you will struggle with the trials you must face.

I hope I have been of some help to you. Above all else, put your trust in God :-)