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Hemorrhoids

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3460433
Bulgaria
11/26/2012 11:40 AM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Why aren't they called "assterroids"?
 Quoting: Tuko


Because they're not between Mars and Jupiter.

They're.....




wait for it.....




AROUND URANUS!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2045712


5abutt
BG43214
User ID: 18147015
United States
11/26/2012 11:48 AM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I cannot imagine the misery of having hemmoroids.....or however the hell it's spelled.

BUT they just confirm your basically BAD eating habits!!

ever hear of fresh fruit? or fresh vegetables?

I've never had them but do keep 'regular' with a few things I've tried over the years.

Just try taking magnesium tablets..........available anywhere.

and that good old standby, dried plums..........they don't call them 'prunes' anymore!!

then there's All-Bran cereal, which you have to be very careful to adjust to, a little at a time.

then my very favorite, the generic version of Beneful..Target carries it in their "Up & Up' brand, a big white canister.

Two teaspoons with each meal, in any hot or cold liquid, except carbonated beverages, or any hot or cold soft food.....

Works really well.

ALSO......you really should rethink your water-drinking!! you don't need to drown yourself in it, after all, the '8 glasses a day' thing is not based on fact.

But DO try to drink a little more each day..

It's really easy; if you drank just 1/2 cup (about 4 oz.) of water every couple of hours, you'd be starting a really good habit......and this in addition to coffee, etc.

So I hope I've been of at least some help to you.

Changing habits is never easy, but it's worthwhile to do!!

so good luck........and I hope you fill up the toilet bowel when you've got everything 'down there' back in order!!!banana2
Sword of mercy

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United Kingdom
11/26/2012 12:01 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I had external haemorrhoids a few years ago.
The pain became so constant and intense that my surgeon decided I'd need surgical intervention for them. They were well past the banding stage.
Initially he was going to perform the tried and tested haemorrhoidectomy (cut & slash technique!) but I'd heard of a newer techniques called a stapled haemorrhoidectomy.
Managed to convince him to use this method and instead of being in hospital for a week or more and being on the likes of Tramadol for a couple of months due to the pain I was out of hospital the day after and returned to work (medication free) a few days later.

Having seen the surgeon subsequently he now uses the new version as his method of choice.

Oh, and I've had no arse-grapes ever since!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2045712


A week in hospital ?. Always thought it was an in and out job. I'm going to try the lime technique.
We will pass through the Seven Years or serve God's Will as martyrs.
bumfluff
User ID: 27896466
United Kingdom
11/26/2012 12:46 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
i get a load of sweaty butt juice with my dangler. fucking hate them
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28218180
11/26/2012 12:49 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Stop eating wheat and not too much sugar either
Mycelium

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11/26/2012 02:12 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Stop eating wheat and not too much sugar either
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28218180


Sugar before bed, in particular. Remembr that the liver,, in addition to processing the stuff from your gut through the portal system, also does the same with the blood. It recycles what it can and dumps the rest out as bile. During the night, while you are sleeping, the liver is preparing proteins and the building blocks of the proteins made elsewhere needed for the next day. Having to process a bunch of sugar during this time does two things: 1) the liver "rushes" a bit, since the sugar will not be used immediately and prepares it for storage (yes, in your "moobs") and 2) doesn't get ready for the next day. This leaves both halves of the liver working overtime 24 hours per day. It falls behind in portal blood processing, portal blood stagnates and thickens, and undr this kind of pressure, eventually takes the "side roads" back into general circulation (sooo nasty).

The veins nearest the portal system, especially the low priority ones near the anus, eventually swell, making the hemorrhoids. If it is bad enough, the congstion backs up into the legs, particularly the thighs, causing varicosities there, as well. Bad situation. If this is you, get to an herbalist or naturopath, quickly.

Varicose veins in the calves, though painful, are from something else not pertinent to this discussion.

EDIT: not a moran, just on mobile, where correcting misspellings is extremely inconvenient.

Last Edited by Mycelium on 11/26/2012 02:21 PM
Aunty Flo

User ID: 28166646
Australia
11/26/2012 06:12 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
I cannot imagine the misery of having hemmoroids.....or however the hell it's spelled.

BUT they just confirm your basically BAD eating habits!!

ever hear of fresh fruit? or fresh vegetables?

I've never had them but do keep 'regular' with a few things I've tried over the years.

Just try taking magnesium tablets..........available anywhere.

and that good old standby, dried plums..........they don't call them 'prunes' anymore!!

then there's All-Bran cereal, which you have to be very careful to adjust to, a little at a time.

then my very favorite, the generic version of Beneful..Target carries it in their "Up & Up' brand, a big white canister.

Two teaspoons with each meal, in any hot or cold liquid, except carbonated beverages, or any hot or cold soft food.....

Works really well.

ALSO......you really should rethink your water-drinking!! you don't need to drown yourself in it, after all, the '8 glasses a day' thing is not based on fact.

But DO try to drink a little more each day..

It's really easy; if you drank just 1/2 cup (about 4 oz.) of water every couple of hours, you'd be starting a really good habit......and this in addition to coffee, etc.

So I hope I've been of at least some help to you.

Changing habits is never easy, but it's worthwhile to do!!

so good luck........and I hope you fill up the toilet bowel when you've got everything 'down there' back in order!!!banana2
 Quoting: BG43214 18147015


It's very common for pregnant woman to develop haemorrhoids. With men, it's common amongst those who sit on the toilet for too long. Alcohol exacerbates the problem.
Turtles Voice
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/26/2012 06:14 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
Cayenne cures hemorrhoids.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

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Turtles Voice
Turtles bite...

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11/26/2012 06:15 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
Thread: The Power of Cayenne ...
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
~Spaze*Man~

User ID: 28481642
United States
11/26/2012 06:24 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
Stop eating wheat and not too much sugar either
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28218180


Sugar before bed, in particular. Remembr that the liver,, in addition to processing the stuff from your gut through the portal system, also does the same with the blood. It recycles what it can and dumps the rest out as bile. During the night, while you are sleeping, the liver is preparing proteins and the building blocks of the proteins made elsewhere needed for the next day. Having to process a bunch of sugar during this time does two things: 1) the liver "rushes" a bit, since the sugar will not be used immediately and prepares it for storage (yes, in your "moobs") and 2) doesn't get ready for the next day. This leaves both halves of the liver working overtime 24 hours per day. It falls behind in portal blood processing, portal blood stagnates and thickens, and undr this kind of pressure, eventually takes the "side roads" back into general circulation (sooo nasty).

The veins nearest the portal system, especially the low priority ones near the anus, eventually swell, making the hemorrhoids. If it is bad enough, the congstion backs up into the legs, particularly the thighs, causing varicosities there, as well. Bad situation. If this is you, get to an herbalist or naturopath, quickly.

Varicose veins in the calves, though painful, are from something else not pertinent to this discussion.

EDIT: not a moran, just on mobile, where correcting misspellings is extremely inconvenient.
 Quoting: Mycelium


I have some small varicose veins on my thighs and I am only 27. 200 pounds 6' tall. I lost 20 pounds past couple months.
I am gonna try vegetarian diet until I can heal. Feel like I am damaging my body.
Oh also I was drinking allot of beer. Bad combo. My veins must be backed up.
What is the portal system btw?

Last Edited by ~Spaze*Man~ on 11/26/2012 06:27 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28526013
United States
11/26/2012 06:26 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
lots of fiber prevents hemorrhoids.
use metamucil
Get some cascara sagrada and it will loosen you up.

Then use metamucil daily. Or plenty of fiber.

Even mega dose of vitamin C if it's severe right now. You can't get too much vitamin C, but if you are constipated, take LOTS of chewable vitamin C; it will loosen you up in about an hour. After that, pay attention to your diet. As I stated: lots of fiber.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28163048
United States
11/26/2012 06:58 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Use a clove of garlic as a suppository. It works for me and is cheap.

[link to www.livestrong.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28514179
United States
11/26/2012 07:51 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
God created them to be used as Speed Bumps to help slow the faggots down....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19623226
United States
11/26/2012 07:54 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I'll contribute my latest hemmoroid nightmare for you.

Alright so I'm still recovering from a BAD hemmoroid, this started 3 weeks ago. I've had piles since I was a young child, or even baby from what my mom tells me. Mostly through my life they've been the internal sorts. They hurt when pooping and may bleed a little but never very painful. Prep H usually does the trick on those little devils. This time they were not internal, it was one big blue rock hard knot latched onto my anus like a little parasite. It started small and I figured Prep H would do the trick but it had zero effect. It grew over a week and was getting so swollen I could not sit at all without fashioning a donut seat out of a blanket.

It lasted in it's super swollen state, about the size a large marble or even approaching quarter-size diameter, for 5 or 6 days. Every cough, sneeze, heavy laugh, shiver, or bowel movement meant sharp stabbing pain in my anus. I'd compare it to someone poking you hard in that area with a coathangar wire. On the last day of this intensely painful ordeal it began to bleed. It literally ruptured from a rogue sneeze out of nowhere. It bled quite a lot, was shoving TP and my wife's female pads in my ass to catch the blood. It continue to bleed heavily for a few days and has almost completely stopped now. It has shrank down to about the size of a small pea and is healing up nicely.

It was so bad that I have now changed my diet. The main cause of roids is constipation. I am drinking only water and a lot of it and eating much more fibrous foods and vegetables, no meat at all. I'm also swallowing 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar everyday. The trick is in prevention. Some home remedies I looked up included shoving garlic up your bum, witch hazel(i'm convinced this one works really well, just soak a cotton ball and wedge it up there), apple cider vinegar, and baby powder or cornstarch. Colloidal silver is also great for keeping out infection if they rupture.

Hope this helps some people! afro
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28514179
United States
11/26/2012 08:04 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I swear that I am NEVER going to eat grapes again!
Mycelium

User ID: 17882166
United States
11/26/2012 08:18 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Stop eating wheat and not too much sugar either
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28218180


Sugar before bed, in particular. Remembr that the liver,, in addition to processing the stuff from your gut through the portal system, also does the same with the blood. It recycles what it can and dumps the rest out as bile. During the night, while you are sleeping, the liver is preparing proteins and the building blocks of the proteins made elsewhere needed for the next day. Having to process a bunch of sugar during this time does two things: 1) the liver "rushes" a bit, since the sugar will not be used immediately and prepares it for storage (yes, in your "moobs") and 2) doesn't get ready for the next day. This leaves both halves of the liver working overtime 24 hours per day. It falls behind in portal blood processing, portal blood stagnates and thickens, and undr this kind of pressure, eventually takes the "side roads" back into general circulation (sooo nasty).

The veins nearest the portal system, especially the low priority ones near the anus, eventually swell, making the hemorrhoids. If it is bad enough, the congstion backs up into the legs, particularly the thighs, causing varicosities there, as well. Bad situation. If this is you, get to an herbalist or naturopath, quickly.

Varicose veins in the calves, though painful, are from something else not pertinent to this discussion.

EDIT: not a moran, just on mobile, where correcting misspellings is extremely inconvenient.
 Quoting: Mycelium


I have some small varicose veins on my thighs and I am only 27. 200 pounds 6' tall. I lost 20 pounds past couple months.
I am gonna try vegetarian diet until I can heal. Feel like I am damaging my body.
Oh also I was drinking allot of beer. Bad combo. My veins must be backed up.
What is the portal system btw?
 Quoting: ~Spaze*Man~


The portal system is a web of veins which carry blood from the intestine to the liver. It gets larger and larger, like a river, until it is a single vessel, the portal vein. Until processed by the liver, EVERYTHING in this blood is poison. The whole thing is a way to keep this blood out of general circulation until the lliver can get to it. Speeding up liver function, or facilitating it by tricking the liver into thinking it is being poisoned can, given time, clear out a backed up portal system. This is how most "liver cleanses" work.

If you were my client, or we were somewhere private, I would ask a bunch of questions about your poop. Since we are not, I will venture a guess that you have some skin problems, particularly in the "cheeky" parts of the body. I would further guess that you often have a low energy level much of the time, though this is less certain. Scudder's Alterative (alterative refers to what the liver does, formrly called "alteration") is a sort of shotgun remedy for this kind of situation. If you were my client, we could be more specific, but that preparation is well inddicated by the data you provided.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23794435
United States
11/26/2012 08:22 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Why aren't they called "assterroids"?
 Quoting: Tuko


Because they're not between Mars and Jupiter.

They're.....




wait for it.....




AROUND URANUS!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2045712


LOL
Mycelium

User ID: 17882166
United States
11/26/2012 08:29 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Why aren't they called "assterroids"?
 Quoting: Tuko


Because they're not between Mars and Jupiter.

They're.....




wait for it.....




AROUND URANUS!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2045712


LOL
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23794435


Best Uranus joke ever!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11013029
United States
11/26/2012 08:41 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I've had hemorrhoids ever since I can remember. Probably the worst thing about it is the constipation. Besides that I guess I probably experience more pain than the average person when dropping a hard and wide piece of poop.

Anyone else here suffer from them too? Would like to hear your experiences.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26919952




your pooo should not be hard.


Change your diet. Diet is the main cause. Since you have HARD poo your anus has to push too hard which causes the veins in the anus to "blow out" or create a hemmroid.


Your bowel movements should be soft but firm NOT HARD.



If you don't change your diet you will continue to get them, no matter which treatment you use from above posts.

these are some good starters:

Potato
carrot
lettuce
fruit (all)
onion
salsa
moderate amount of corn chips (regular salted only, no flavorings)
cottage cheese
butter
soy milk
peanut butter



you should have enough here to get you started.

IN THE MEANTIME for the pain and immediate discomfort.

Epsom salt bath. this is my best pain reliever and shrinker of hemmoroids and I believe it can help in the cure.

Astrigents applied directly to anus (my favorite is blackberry leaf)


Obviously check with your doctor yadda yadda yadda.

but more importantly get online and search and search.

everyone is different FiND WHAT WORKS for you.
Aunty Flo

User ID: 28166646
Australia
11/26/2012 08:44 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
God created them to be used as Speed Bumps to help slow the faggots down....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28514179


Not if they're batting.

Last Edited by Aunty Flo on 11/26/2012 10:29 PM
Anonymous Coward
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11/26/2012 08:46 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
i get a load of sweaty butt juice with my dangler. fucking hate them
 Quoting: bumfluff 27896466


crass statement, but I take you honestly here.



please heed these words:


get some epsom salt and put them in a hot bath and soak for awhile. if it helps, do it regularly.

you will not be disappointed.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/26/2012 08:50 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
one more note here.



People here who honestly have roids and are suffering.


YOu need to avoid surgery if at all possible.


try natural cures first, do the research and cure them yourself. I did.


surgery will more than likely create complications. Natural remedies will be more effort but way more healthy in the long run.


[link to www.livestrong.com]

[link to www.ehow.com]
~Spaze*Man~

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United States
11/26/2012 09:00 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
I have some small varicose veins on my thighs and I am only 27. 200 pounds 6' tall. I lost 20 pounds past couple months.
I am gonna try vegetarian diet until I can heal. Feel like I am damaging my body.
Oh also I was drinking allot of beer. Bad combo. My veins must be backed up.
What is the portal system btw?
 Quoting: ~Spaze*Man~


The portal system is a web of veins which carry blood from the intestine to the liver. It gets larger and larger, like a river, until it is a single vessel, the portal vein. Until processed by the liver, EVERYTHING in this blood is poison. The whole thing is a way to keep this blood out of general circulation until the lliver can get to it. Speeding up liver function, or facilitating it by tricking the liver into thinking it is being poisoned can, given time, clear out a backed up portal system. This is how most "liver cleanses" work.

If you were my client, or we were somewhere private, I would ask a bunch of questions about your poop. Since we are not, I will venture a guess that you have some skin problems, particularly in the "cheeky" parts of the body. I would further guess that you often have a low energy level much of the time, though this is less certain. Scudder's Alterative (alterative refers to what the liver does, formrly called "alteration") is a sort of shotgun remedy for this kind of situation. If you were my client, we could be more specific, but that preparation is well inddicated by the data you provided.
 Quoting: Mycelium


Cool thanks for info. Yah having dark circles under eyes.
Recently earlier this year got some veins on the side of my eyes that are red. They were perfectly white before. But now they are always there. Maybe I damaged my liver somehow.
weasel keeper

User ID: 15395274
United States
11/26/2012 09:31 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Why aren't they called "assterroids"?
 Quoting: Tuko


Because they're not between Mars and Jupiter.

They're.....




wait for it.....




AROUND URANUS!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2045712


There are more bleeding-ass liberals on this site than I thought!
Try a 75-watt soldering iron, they run about 800F and will cauterize your bungholes in a second.
Wild Weasels? You've got to be shitting me!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28514179
United States
11/26/2012 11:05 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
I guess that you can't just pluck them off the way you do with dingleberries.....
Anonymous Coward
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11/26/2012 11:05 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Makes one reconsider calling anyone an A-O

Such an important part of the body!
Little Miss Sunshine

User ID: 28201542
United States
11/26/2012 11:15 PM

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Re: Hemorrhoids
Apple cider vinegar DOES NOT WORK!! After my pregnancy with my Son 25 yrs ago i began to experience roids in a way I never wanted to know! Over the yrs ive tried Tucks, Preparation H, 2.5 % Hydrocortizone cream, Witch Hazel and NOTHING WORKED!!.... Nothing until the day I cut a pc of my Aloe Vera plant off, sliced it open and used it and it IMMEDIATELY relieved the pain. I did this every time I went to the restroom and by the next morning THEY WERE 100% BETTER!!! Fastest relief ever-- now its the only thing I will use for a flareup!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1303612
United States
11/26/2012 11:34 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
There is a cure and it works. Never had them personally but my Mom did and she swears by this. RUTIN taken daily will eliminate them and taken regularly they wont come back.

[link to www.relief-from-hemorrhoids.com]
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/26/2012 11:47 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Roid balm best product ever period end of story.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/13/2014 11:06 PM
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Re: Hemorrhoids
Waaah, in pain laying in bed for days with a grape out my ass

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