Small problem...Help if you know about kids...

IMO, thank those who are attempting to provide your son with his every desire, and then explain how that is not in his best interest. If allowed to continue, your son will likely grow into an adult who expects everything to be handed to him. Hopefully if you can get this fact across to these folks, they will understand. You are the parent, you are the one who ultimately decides what is best for your son. Ask these folks for their help in a different way. As in how to help him grow into a responsible adult who knows how to be self-sufficient. That's going to mean starting now, with choices. Example: give son an amount to spend on say, clothes, such as $50. Point out to him that with that amount he can buy one expensive item or a few inexpensive items, (like one pair of fancy jeans vs. a couple of pairs of regular ole jeans). I did this with my sons, and they eventually learned how to choose responsibly. If those who are trying to spoil your son, continue to do so despite your wishes, then you'll need to decide how much contact they have with your son during his growing years.

Then you must teach him no does indeed mean no. Send him to his room if he keeps bothering you after you say no. Put your foot down with the loser relatives, and don't let them walk all over you. There are too many entitled kids in this world, don't be that mom. You have the power. Use it.

Good grief! Take a step back, woman, and read what you posted.

I wish you would send the child to me. I would take care of him. And yes, I would most likely spoil him.

You know I'm only kidding. But you get my meaning.

Love your child. Don't hurt him.

I speak from the perspective of an old fogey who is probably not long for this world, so my view might not be valid from your point of view. But I always try to give my grandson whatever his heart desires, and I try to give it to him Now, as opposed to waiting for his birthday, Christmas, etc, because I realise I might not be around then, or some other circumstances might arise which prevents me from doing things for him. I can't always give him what he wants, but I try to. And if I spend a few bucks on trying to make him happy, even if it's only for a few hours, then so be it. I would rather him be happy for a few hours than not at all. Yep, I have often been accused of spoiling him, much to the annoyance of his mother. But what can I do? LoL.

Maybe one day you will see things as I do.

You know how grown ups are always telling kids that they will see things differently in a few years? And how older grown ups are always telling younger grown ups that they also will see things differently in a few more years? Well...maybe that's you...in a few years from now. LoL.

He is 8,dont think this will work.
take all his material shit away and see how he likes it....
im raisin my 9 yo grand-daughter and between the early spankings and taking stuff away has her on the right path.

Bet this mothers other children really get along with their brother great..LOL

The best way to teach children appreciation, is to teach them empathy.

Empathy is tricky to teach, being that it can also cause problems if approached in a way that is too disturbing for young eyes. For example, images of starving children.



Your son needs to learn what it is like to go without.

He will fight back hard, due to ingrained behavior patterns.

But after a few days/weeks he will begin to understand the change and most likely, appreciate it due to learning how lucky he is in comparison to others.


Rule number one...when told 'no' regarding something he wants...if he protests and throws a tantrum, remove one item he enjoys from his room.

All children have currency, that which they value.

He will test you one this, and you will need to keep removing items until he realizes that you are serious and this isn't just a passing phase.

If he behave appropriately when told 'no' he earns one item of YOUR choosing back.

After that you can start a 'star chart' and document his progress that way...of course being able to EARN something he desires after his hard work at initiating change.

Teach your son empathy and appreciation.

Tell they who spoil him, that it will stop and no longer be tolerated.

Also, perhaps involving your son in something like Big Brothers of America would help as well.


Hope this helps.

Let me know if you have any questions.

:)

FWIW, I'm a father of four.... and here's some advice. Do NOT EVER take advice of any kind from Brief.
That is all I would be able to say for sure w/o knowing you or your child.
They are all different and there is no "one" way to raise any child.
Corporal punishment is reserved for those low IQ parents that cannot think their way into being a teacher, mentor, parent. They don't/can't think and react w/anger usually and rely on a method that may work in the immediate but creates problems in the long run.
Now, if you want to see your kid grow into a sociopathic right wing neocon nazi cop wannabe asshole....well disregard what I have said and follow Brief's advice.
Just love 'em and remember you are there to teach and guide and NOT to be the grantor of their immediate whims.... use the wisdom you've gained in life to help them learn and become a good person with high character. Violence begets more violence....so punishing that incorporates violence will only grow this lesson in the child.

Spare the rod and spoil the child...

Sometimes you can take all their stuff and put them in "time out" and never make any progress...you probably don't even have children.

Then it wasn't done properly.

A child will look for a work around. As adult would as well to get back that which they value.

If they find a hole, they will utilize it and if you do not perceive of it before they do, then you may fail that time.

Just try again.


Learning process for all around.

:)

i've always discussed the value of things with my son. to just give a kid whatever they want without questioning where it came from, issues like outsourcing and child labor, media programming and the fallacies of a materially based value system, is to raise yet another sheep. my son is informed, for example he reads ingredient labels for high fructose corn syrup, sometimes he wants crap food cause it's there but he has no prob if i say NO and get him a healthy treat instead, like waiting till we can afford organic cookies instead of buying chips ahoy on sale. he'd rather have organic strawberries than that shit anyways.

teaching children critical thinking is a lost art, like hugs and true connection with our kids has become. kids aren't accessories, and will never reach their potential if they are treated as such. young girls are taught to get what they want by 'being cute' and manipulative, never really exercising their minds. that is never emphasized as a value.

if you tell your relatives NO, they're going to make it covert, and teach him to go behind your back and be dishonest. typical male.

What kind of stupid insinuation is that? Are you trying to call this concerned mother a whore because she has multiple children with different father's (even if that's the case)
Maybe the guy fathered all the kids, but died when the youngest was born. What would that have to do with her concern over her son at all?

Her concern is that this child was treated differently because of the death of his father at such a young age and it did more harm than good and she is trying to be a great Mom and seek advice on curbing her son's psychological sense of entitlement.

My advice for her is...8yr old children (especially boys) are selfish, I don't mean this in an insulting way, but that's just the way they are...and if they are given special treatment, compared to other siblings, it will go to their head...nip this in the bud especially before puberty...I don't know how you would go about nipping this in the bud, as I am not a professional therapist or anything like that...I'm just a mom myself...and both of my kids are completely different people and I had to deal with their issues in different ways that worked for them.

oh shit....did you breed, brief?

god help us.

You do realise, don't you, that Brief generally doesn't give advice, he's just largely messing about.

It's called Internet Role Play, and Brief is very good at it. Probably one of the funniest people on GLP. People like him are what makes GLP worth reading. Lighten up a little and see GLP for what it is...a place to have fun. Brief is a good guy.

In fact, I'm going to give him some green karma (not that I believe in karma, it's all fun and games, you see) for making GLP such a fun place to be.

- the former bouncing elephant guy

The very intelligent don't need toys or electronics to entertain themselves...they can have fun staring at a wall and using their mind, so removing those items is useless.

I'm still here. Thanks for ALL of the great advice.

That's ridiculous.

All children have that which they value. Period.

Remove that.


Show me a child who is content to stare at walls of an above average capacity of Mind, and I will show a child which doesn't misbehave.


For instance, one of my favorite lines to utilize with toddlers is this...

"When you are ready to use your normal voice, I will be ready to hear you"

Works every time.

After all, that is what they are really looking for.

To be heard, and respected.

:)

Your post kind of contradicts itself.

How so?

Because on the one hand you berate Brief for suggesting that a child should be made to stare at walls,

and then you say that such a child doesn't misbehave.


Simple logic, really.

No one knows how to solve your problem of glowing in the dark, so there's no point in asking.

Dang!

Perhaps you should read this again...


What I felt was 'ridiculous' was Brief alluding that a very intelligent child can not be reasoned with.

Intelligent children have currency as well, and by removing that, corrections in behaviors can be made.

The parent just needs to be, at least as smart as the child to figure out what exactly that is.


Is what I was suggesting.

Either way.

Nope. You lost me there as well.

It's probably me. Can't handle all the twists and turns of an argument at the moment.

Still...I see your flowers, and I raise you some more



Flowers are great things. An international language. Much like music.

Not when the misbehaving child has a reason and is deliberately trying to irritate a parent due to the unfairness that child sees in the way they are being treated.

My first born would deliberately misbehave for my wife while I was at work and she was at home with him, because she did not play with him or read to him, but when I got home he would run to me and we'd play and read together and would do anything I asked of him without hesitation...

Of course that frustrated her even more so the time outs, the reasoning, and taking away of toys had no effect...finally I was able to convince her to work with him and play together and he got better, but she went right back to the same old ways eventually...

:)

I hear you.

And your answer is in your own words.

:)

Nice picture. Worth a bit of green karma, I think.

Seer777 is always beautiful.

First, read the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother:

[link to www.amazon.com]

If that doesn't work, military school. Perhaps this one:

[link to www.forkunion.com]

I am totally serious.

get hi off your welfare asap make him work for what he recieves so he won't be on Obamas welfare later.