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I need Advice - please help me!

 
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
11/09/2012 08:15 PM

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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
WOW - in response to the last posting -

what if i am done with school - been out of college for over a decade -

and that makes me much older than 29.

PLUS - i am not able to ditch the dog - i love her too much.
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


Keep the dog and move on from your boyfriend, simple as that...

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
cowardlyMe
User ID: 20395699
United States
11/09/2012 08:17 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
Sorry, but you got nothing. Stop sharing the dog with your ex. He can get his own freakin' dog. As for your current boyfriend, ditch him too. Avoid relationships for at least a year, like a previous poster said. Become more self sufficient and learn how to enjoy life on your own. Especially if you're in your 30's.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17884534
Mexico
11/09/2012 08:19 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
WOW - in response to the last posting -

what if i am done with school - been out of college for over a decade -

and that makes me much older than 29.

PLUS - i am not able to ditch the dog - i love her too much.
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


WOW. I was figuring you were about 19, myself, to be so fucking ditzy. You are a full grown adult, and you still are confused by shit like this? The guy's a scumbag, kick him to the curb. Losers often project their own faults onto everyone else, hence his accusing you of lacking in trust.

And the whole thing with the dog, that's just weird. And you're an adult? For real?
CONFUSED (OP)
User ID: 5635580
United States
11/09/2012 08:34 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
I am old enough to know -

that I am mature enough to be able to share a dog - while still being 100% faithful to my current boyfriend.

I keep my conversations with the EX to a minimum. And like i said - i communicate with his new girlfriend mostly - and not him.

I am also mature enough that I would never sneak and hang talk to or hang out with an EX behind my current boyfriends back.

I tell my current boyfriend EVERYTHING - i have no secrets.

Maybe that is my problem - that i am too honest... that I love too deeply.... that I am too faithful.....

SO what if i looked in his phone - i did it once - and my biggest fear was in fact a reality.

THank you ALL for your BRUTAL HONESTY.
catLady88
User ID: 20395699
United States
11/09/2012 08:35 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
WOW - in response to the last posting -

what if i am done with school - been out of college for over a decade -

and that makes me much older than 29.

PLUS - i am not able to ditch the dog - i love her too much.
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


WOW. I was figuring you were about 19, myself, to be so fucking ditzy. You are a full grown adult, and you still are confused by shit like this? The guy's a scumbag, kick him to the curb. Losers often project their own faults onto everyone else, hence his accusing you of lacking in trust.

And the whole thing with the dog, that's just weird. And you're an adult? For real?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17884534


I would have said late teens too. I find the dog situation sadder than the current boyfriend situation. Holding on to the past via a pet is sad. She's not moving on. I have a friend who divorced a guy, insisted he visit and dog sit. In 3 years she hasn't had a date. Move on already! This kind of thing prevents one from moving on. That's why she's having trouble in the present. Dogs are great but they aren't children.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27161115
United States
11/09/2012 08:52 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
I am old enough to know -

that I am mature enough to be able to share a dog - while still being 100% faithful to my current boyfriend.

I keep my conversations with the EX to a minimum. And like i said - i communicate with his new girlfriend mostly - and not him.

I am also mature enough that I would never sneak and hang talk to or hang out with an EX behind my current boyfriends back.

I tell my current boyfriend EVERYTHING - i have no secrets.

Maybe that is my problem - that i am too honest... that I love too deeply.... that I am too faithful.....

SO what if i looked in his phone - i did it once - and my biggest fear was in fact a reality.

THank you ALL for your BRUTAL HONESTY.
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


The mistake that people of both sexes make in a relationship is the blind belief that we deserve all without having to work on it. We forget our dreams and goals, all that was an attraction for the other. The princess story makes us believe that it's enough to be pretty, sexy and fun. When the essence of a person's spirit is soo much more... Charisma and attractiveness are two different things. You can whine about being too good, but who are you really? How deep do you think, and when you help others is it truly for them or for you. My guess is that alot more happened than you are saying and you know about it...
CONFUSED (OP)
User ID: 5635580
United States
11/09/2012 09:12 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
The mistake that people of both sexes make in a relationship is the blind belief that we deserve all without having to work on it. We forget our dreams and goals, all that was an attraction for the other. The princess story makes us believe that it's enough to be pretty, sexy and fun. When the essence of a person's spirit is soo much more... Charisma and attractiveness are two different things. You can whine about being too good, but who are you really? How deep do you think, and when you help others is it truly for them or for you. My guess is that alot more happened than you are saying and you know about it...


OK - I never said anything about being too good.

And OK - maybe I will have to just be single - on the account that i love my dog.

If this is the lesson I learn from this post - then at least I learned 1 thing.

THank you wise buddhas.
Life and Love

User ID: 26735250
United States
11/09/2012 09:26 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!

OK - I never said anything about being too good.

And OK - maybe I will have to just be single - on the account that i love my dog.

If this is the lesson I learn from this post - then at least I learned 1 thing.

THank you wise buddhas.
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


I don't see any compelling reason for you to stay in such a broken relationship.

Best wishes. hf
We become like that to which we are devoted. Choose wisely.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27161115
United States
11/09/2012 10:22 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
The mistake that people of both sexes make in a relationship is the blind belief that we deserve all without having to work on it. We forget our dreams and goals, all that was an attraction for the other. The princess story makes us believe that it's enough to be pretty, sexy and fun. When the essence of a person's spirit is soo much more... Charisma and attractiveness are two different things. You can whine about being too good, but who are you really? How deep do you think, and when you help others is it truly for them or for you. My guess is that alot more happened than you are saying and you know about it...
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


OK - I never said anything about being too good.

And OK - maybe I will have to just be single - on the account that i love my dog.

If this is the lesson I learn from this post - then at least I learned 1 thing.

THank you wise buddhas.


I didn't mean to be mean, i think your love for your dog is great and the dog should be your's if that's who she chooses. I'm talking to myself as much as to you as many people do and don't admit to. Sometimes we have to be tough with ourselves and with others. Like you, i have been through this type of relationship. In the end it is true that who you are inside is what everything boils down to. I love very masculine men, i'm very feminine, they love women, and see them as flowers to be picked. I have had to face that, and feel pain from that. In the end i realized i was waiting for them to make my life, no one is responsible for that but me. To be me is why i'm here, why you're here, no relationship will replace the spirit of my being. In time people come and go and whether anyone realizes they are each an opportunity to find ourselves because we choose to be here, to accomplish somethings that we have forgotten. If you are true to yourself, and rediscover your passions, special people will come and yes, still go, but that is the beauty of it. There will be unending adventures and people to know and love. Find yourself, they say at 40 you have the face you deserve, when you get there take a good look.
scorpio66

User ID: 2453057
United States
11/10/2012 01:47 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
i have some questions if you don't mind, op

how old is the dog? did you and your ex get the dog together while you were in a relationship? did one of you already have the dog? who took/takes the dog to the vet and pays for it? who's name is on the dog's rabies registration... this is probably who "owns" the dog.

i get loving your dog, i adore my dogs and would be devastated to not have them yada yada... but this is clearly one or both of you hanging on to your failed relationship on some level whether you realize it or not.

anyway, when you met your current boyfriend was he with someone else (as in he was cheating on her with you and now is cheating on you with the next gal)? that would be a pretty good sign that it's just how he is and you shouldn't count on him for monogamy. maybe he is more about the thrill of the chase and loses interest once you've been conquered. maybe someone just caught his fancy and he couldn't resist. who knows but he is messing with someone else to some degree - you obviously do not like that so it's the end.

at any rate, if he left, i think that's a good indicator he wasn't too concerned about being caught and probably subconsciously wanted to be caught. i am sure that sucks to hear, but is unfortunately probably the straight cold truth.

eat some ice cream, get mad, watch some sad movies, cry, whatever... but move on. for real.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27161115
United States
11/10/2012 01:53 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
i have some questions if you don't mind, op

how old is the dog? did you and your ex get the dog together while you were in a relationship? did one of you already have the dog? who took/takes the dog to the vet and pays for it? who's name is on the dog's rabies registration... this is probably who "owns" the dog.

i get loving your dog, i adore my dogs and would be devastated to not have them yada yada... but this is clearly one or both of you hanging on to your failed relationship on some level whether you realize it or not.

anyway, when you met your current boyfriend was he with someone else (as in he was cheating on her with you and now is cheating on you with the next gal)? that would be a pretty good sign that it's just how he is and you shouldn't count on him for monogamy. maybe he is more about the thrill of the chase and loses interest once you've been conquered. maybe someone just caught his fancy and he couldn't resist. who knows but he is messing with someone else to some degree - you obviously do not like that so it's the end.

at any rate, if he left, i think that's a good indicator he wasn't too concerned about being caught and probably subconsciously wanted to be caught. i am sure that sucks to hear, but is unfortunately probably the straight cold truth.

eat some ice cream, get mad, watch some sad movies, cry, whatever... but move on. for real.
 Quoting: scorpio66


Scorpio speaks truth, from one scorpio to another..good words!
Ralph--a house dog

User ID: 25802009
United States
11/10/2012 02:06 AM

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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
My current boyfriend tells me that it is NOT NORMAL for me to share my dog with an EX - is this true? Am i NOT NORMAL because I broke up with an EX and we agreed to share the dog?
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


Not normal.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24002333



It is not unusual. I've known a number of people who have done that. It doesn't often last very long, maybe a year or so until one of them loses interest or moves too far away for it to be convenient.

But yes, if the people are extremely fond of a dog they had acquired together and they can at least tolerate each other, it does happen more than you might think.
"Who decides?"
---Robert A. Heinlein

[link to www.westcoasttruth.com]

"Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night.....Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
----Dylan Thomas
g3p0

User ID: 23093311
United States
11/10/2012 03:55 AM

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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
sux Op, gonna be tough to lose my wierdo when the time comes. in your shoes I can't imagine doing it any different without walking away from everything, not possible. your ex made the error, everyone agrees, it's better to know truths than have lies yes?
God is everything, everything is the universe, the universe is alive, we're a part of it, reflections of God.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27377296
United States
11/10/2012 04:12 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
Eerie and startling adventures await you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26851286
11/10/2012 04:15 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
You already know the answers you think are right to each of these questions. That won't change no matter how many people you ask.

By asking, you're trying to find enough people who share your answers to justify answering the questions the way you want to. In truth, you'll never ever find enough people to satisfy this desire.
Great white
User ID: 23801507
Romania
11/10/2012 04:23 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
THanks for the Reply -

But oddly enough - he got so mad at me for looking in his phone
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


Because you found him out.

He might be shagging someone else, he might not be.

But either way, in the future he def will.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11677814
United States
11/10/2012 04:34 AM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
You probably shouldn't have looked through his phone. But whats done is done. Looking at someone's phone is not that big of a deal (unless they have something to hide) but cheating on your girlfriend is. He knows he screwed up. He knows he is really the one in the wrong. And he knows that his position is indefensible. That's why he left. If he had nothing to hide he would have stayed and tried to explain the situation.

P.S. There is nothing wrong with sharing the dog with your ex. Smart to call his girlfriend instead of him. I have an informal custody arrangement with my dog as well. I love my dog and couldn't imagine not being able to spend time with her.
CONFUSED (OP)
User ID: 5635580
United States
11/10/2012 06:59 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
Well the good news is - My Current Boyfriend and I have had a nice talk - and things look like they will be back to normal -

He forgave me for looking through his phone -

ANd i forgave him for sending that message - apparently there was more to the story - and I have to just understand the situation.

He told me to have faith in him - and that he promises NEVER to be unfaithful.

SO - as of now - all is well.

FOr those of you that think it weird to share the dog - sorry but agree to disagree. THere are people in this world that are capable of sharing a dog.

As for who pays for her bills, etc, etc - that would be me.

For those of you who said kind words and gave meaningful advice - thank you for taking the time to give me insigth.

For those of you who assumed i was young and stupid - please try not to judge people.

Take care everyone!
Life and Love

User ID: 26735250
United States
11/10/2012 07:00 PM
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Re: I need Advice - please help me!
Well the good news is - My Current Boyfriend and I have had a nice talk - and things look like they will be back to normal -

He forgave me for looking through his phone -

ANd i forgave him for sending that message - apparently there was more to the story - and I have to just understand the situation.

He told me to have faith in him - and that he promises NEVER to be unfaithful.

SO - as of now - all is well.

FOr those of you that think it weird to share the dog - sorry but agree to disagree. THere are people in this world that are capable of sharing a dog.

As for who pays for her bills, etc, etc - that would be me.

For those of you who said kind words and gave meaningful advice - thank you for taking the time to give me insigth.

For those of you who assumed i was young and stupid - please try not to judge people.

Take care everyone!
 Quoting: CONFUSED 5635580


Thanks for the update, OP!
We become like that to which we are devoted. Choose wisely.

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