Wife popped the question and she wants the passwords to my cell phone, laptop, etc. More inside...

but i look at porn too, why would my hubby hide his porn form me, unless it's child porn or snuff??
i don't understand people who think woman dislike porn, and woman who disilike it.
it's porn everyone likes it, stop pretending you don't.

call me what you want, i like the fact that we share everything. also why are we emailing ppl that whant to get into our pants in the first place?i wld not mind if my husband emailed female people for a legitimate reason, work, or she is marreid to, or his family or mine, but why would he need to email some random girl who wants him, that is just bad marriage strategy.frankly if my husband would not go thru my phone, i'd consider him unloving, cold and horrible. what kind of barbarian isn't interested in his woman's electronical life.if most people think that is controlling no wonder you fail at relationships.....you cannot have your cake and eat it, you cannot have amazing love and keep your bogos "freedom", the best freedom is in a loving relationship, where you share everything.

excuse me i will not apologize for having a sexy husband that keeps track of everything i do, and that makes me within my right to demand reciprocity in track keeping, and frankly its very sexy....

You need to establish rules with her about this. There are a few reasons she could be asking for you to do this:

1. She's thinking of cheating or is cheating.
2. She's bored with the relationship and poking it with a stick to see what happens. You know, just looking for something to get into an argument with you about. Sometimes women just do this for no reason. Being a woman, I can verify this.
3. Her friends were talking shit about you and she became paranoid/insecure.
4. She saw some movie or TV show about a guy cheating and the wife/girlfriend handling it by snooping, or maybe read an article about it in a magazine, and decided that this is the only way to know for sure. There is so much of this trash out there that I'm surprised women can even get into a relationship without tearing their hair out with paranoia and rage.
5. You said something to her accidentally about some other girl being hot or whatever and it made her paranoid or want to get revenge.
6. Her parents had a rocky relationship and she doesn't know how else to respond to her own paranoia than doing things how her parents did with each other.

So what should you do? Tell her you love her, and you're not cheating, but she has to respect your privacy. She has no right to snoop into every aspect of your life. Everyone is allowed some things to themselves in this life. Tell her that you do not snoop into her personal things, and you expect the same courtesy from her. Tell her that you married her and you plan to stay with her forever. That should help her insecurity.

She won't like hearing that you want some privacy at first, but eventually she'll learn an important lesson from this. And if she doesn't, well, it's her loss. Control freaks don't get to stay in relationships very long, or either they have extremely rocky ones their entire lives.

isn't it normal to share that stuff with your husband?

i'd be pretty sad if my husband wouldn't use my stuff (phone coputer), as if it was his own, nothing to do with distrust really, just closeness, also if he'd deny me passwords to his stuff.it's not like i don't trust him, it's just the man puts his body parts inside my bum, i think i'm entitled to use his facebook password as mine and vise verca.
i see nothing wrong with answering my husband's phone or him answering mine, it's just closeness and nothing to do with control, and frankly if you have nothing to hide why are you reluctant to give up the pass?

Wife popped the question and she wants the passwords to my cell phone, laptop, etc.
I'm not cheating on her! I use passwords for my own
security reasons, but what is the solution to this?
She has her own laptop, cell phone, and is constantly on Facebook. Again, I repeat, I am not cheating on her and there is no reason for her to distrust me...just the passwords...

WOW!!!! YOU HAVE TO BE A WOMAN! LOL!!!Seriously, your answer hit the nail on the head as far as what goes on in the mind of a woman. But you left one thing out.........

"She may have woke up in the middle of the night because she had a dream that he cheated on her........"

That really puts us in a bad mood! LOL!

Wife popped the question and she wants the passwords to my cell phone, laptop, etc.
I'm not cheating on her! I use passwords for my own
security reasons, but what is the solution to this?
She has her own laptop, cell phone, and is constantly on Facebook. Again, I repeat, I am not cheating on her and there is no reason for her to distrust me...just the passwords...

You are a woman to my taste, the porn part I mean. You sound a bit paranoid but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I hope I meet a woman like you one day (soon) so we can watch porn and do it the way they do it on Discovery Channel.

Tell her you will gladly give her the passwords if she is able to orally please you and...anything else, sexually, that you desire from her.

Um. Really? There has to be some separation. You start out as two individual people so you should remain as such. It isn't like when you said vows you automatically morphed into ONE person.

I am baffled by the Facebook and email accounts that are Mr&MrsWhatever@... Why can't there be some aspects of privacy?

I am a 46 year old widow (2 years in now) who didn't trust my husband for good reason but I swear if I had insisted on knowing all his private information I would have shot myself.

There IS such a thing as TOO MUCH "closeness"

Careful what you wish for. Advice- work out every day and be with as many as you can. Wrap that joker up though. Grass is always greener. I SURE wouldn't wish for a porn watching woman. The only reason they do is so they can see what you like,,, after that it's "OH, you HAVE TO WATCH PO-OOOORN,,,NAGNAGNAG. Forget it. Get a God fearing girl. Go to church if you want a wife. You don't want a chick that"likes" porn....they don't like it. Maybe evry now and then, the ones who DO like it are gonna get some other strange penissssss. GUARANTEED. Live and learn! Hoes gotta HOE!

NOT worth it....

isn't it normal to share that stuff with your husband?

i'd be pretty sad if my husband wouldn't use my stuff (phone coputer), as if it was his own, nothing to do with distrust really, just closeness, also if he'd deny me passwords to his stuff.it's not like i don't trust him, it's just the man puts his body parts inside my bum, i think i'm entitled to use his facebook password as mine and vise verca.
i see nothing wrong with answering my husband's phone or him answering mine, it's just closeness and nothing to do with control, and frankly if you have nothing to hide why are you reluctant to give up the pass?

This entirely depends upon the circumstances OP. If she said honey, I need to borrow your computer for a minute, what's the password, and you refused, as your wife i would be hurt. I dont understand why you would withhold that sort of thing from her. If she just sat you down one day and demanded all your passwords, that is just wrong!! And good for you for not giving them to her

Should had said: when you give me yours.

My husband was always insanely jealous, even though he never had the slightest reason to be. He would call me several times a day at work, and always going through my purse and cell phone looking for 'clues'. Turns out HE was the one who was cheating.

I found his facebook page open one night at 4:00 am when I got up to shut down the computer after he had passed out on the couch. Apparently he had been having an online long distance affair with a woman who didn't even know he was married, their posts went back several months. "You are my soulmate, Love you so much MUAH!" "My King! Can't wait til we are together."

I was floored. I captured screenshots and saved them, and never mentioned his facebook, just got up and went to work like usual. Next day when he was out of the house I installed a keystroke logger on our computer, and got all his passwords. It also captured a screenshot page each time a trigger word was typed in on our keyboard, i.e. baby, love, sexy, panties, etc.

Wow, I never even suspected all the kinky shit he was into. Not just her but really trashy porn sites, holy freakout. It took me about two weeks until I felt I had numbed my heart enough to confront him, and I must say I rather enjoyed his devastating embarrassment and sobbing apology. I contacted his "girlfriend" on fb and told her he was married and what a fool she was for believing a guy online, told her I had even done a bit of research and was able to find her address, phone number, and the names and ages of her kids, and how stupid she was to put her kids at risk like that. I said you don't even know this guy but your kids are talking to him on the phone and saying they can't wait to meet him, what an idiot they have for a mom. She was super apologetic and said she would never have blah blah blah if she had known he was married.

So, hey, OP, get yourself a keystroke logger and install it on the computer your wife uses at home. They are virtually undetectable, and you may find out WHY she is suddenly asking for your passwords.

aw spying, that is only well played if the spouse doesn't find out. if he or she does find out, (and they are clean from monekey busniness), the spaying party is in trouble. this is exactly why i will tell my husband everything, so he doesn't have to spy on me like 007, that is just not nice.

I save all my bfs passwords to everything.If I didn't he'd never have access to anything because he can never remember them and doesn't bother to write them down.
He also has access to any and all passwords of everything I have.No trust issues here.

So true green girl. In fact, that is exactly how she should have handled it...."Oh Honey, I need to use your lap-top real quick.....what's your password?" He is none the wiser as to her real motives. Of course if he refused, well that would really make me suspicious!

This is insulting. Using sneaky tactics to see if the man you married, and supposedly trust, is cheating? Why not just enjoy life? If he's cheating you'll find out eventually somehow anyway. The only time I can imagine snooping like that being relevant is if he's being extremely seedy. People have a hard time hiding cheating behavior, so it's pretty damned obvious. There's no need to get your panties in a bunch because he doesn't want to share every file and folder with you. And using sneaky tactics to trick men into making your neurotic and overactive imagination feel better is crazy. The media may make it look normal, but it is CRAZY.

Living life with such suspicion is unhealthy and unloving towards the person you supposedly care about. I get it because there are plenty of men who do a lot of shitty things, and then come online to brag about it even. But worrying about what ifs like this when there's no evidence of wrongdoing is no way to live life. He'll probably end up a cheat because his wife is acting crazy and suspicious and he feels lonely and judged. So you reap what you sow, ladies.

Maybe HE doesn't like it. I would say with 99.9% certainty that he hates it. I left a margin for error, but just sayin.

You do anal?? Tell your hubby how lucky he is...that his wife admits it on the net lol

i am not controlling and my husband loves the closness , coz don't ask me why, i do not fully understand myself yet, but he can have any woman in this world and he still chooses me...unlike most husbands that are constantly trying to get away from their wives,or get away with something, my husband traveled a long way to be with me and nothing, not even the whole world can make him not want me.my husband is the most amazing man i have ever met, and i have a strong memory throught many lives.please these petty mondain issues can enver pose a problem in our marriage.

HAHAHA...he can't remember them....ok

Except Scorpios and Geminis...look out now

Haha, I don't want to agree with you on this, and yet...

This is insulting. Using sneaky tactics to see if the man you married, and supposedly trust, is cheating? Why not just enjoy life? If he's cheating you'll find out eventually somehow anyway. The only time I can imagine snooping like that being relevant is if he's being extremely seedy. People have a hard time hiding cheating behavior, so it's pretty damned obvious. There's no need to get your panties in a bunch because he doesn't want to share every file and folder with you. And using sneaky tactics to trick men into making your neurotic and overactive imagination feel better is crazy. The media may make it look normal, but it is CRAZY.

Living life with such suspicion is unhealthy and unloving towards the person you supposedly care about. I get it because there are plenty of men who do a lot of shitty things, and then come online to brag about it even. But worrying about what ifs like this when there's no evidence of wrongdoing is no way to live life. He'll probably end up a cheat because his wife is acting crazy and suspicious and he feels lonely and judged. So you reap what you sow, ladies.