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I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years

 
eve incognito
User ID: 27444597
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/11/2012 10:05 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
LOL. what did you do to ASK FOR IT?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27433380


Smacks him in the head of course throws things at him chases him around the house with a frying pan.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26329297


aw these are all good, i wish i bashed his fucking head in with a fraying pen first time he hit me.
why didn't i remeber this then???

(mentally throwing heavy stuff at my ex husband, and bashing his head in with a frying pen)
Guenwyfar

User ID: 21285652
United States
11/11/2012 10:08 AM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I think I will just walk out when he goes to work, just pack my things and leave, Maybe I just needed other people to tell me to, thanks people who posted except the Australian poster....I dont have to hit or be mean to feel good, I have never hit him but I have spit in his food occasionally.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


And don't allow him to contact you or know where you are.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8625086


Good advice. Leave, don't look back. Someone somewhere will love you for you. hf Not all men are like that.
Guenwyfar

"Karma is like a rubberband.. it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face."

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

"Religion is like a penis, it's fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that's when we have a problem."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25567776
United States
11/11/2012 10:14 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
if you can't afford to live alone, look into roomates.
Joker

User ID: 1437768
United States
11/11/2012 10:18 AM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Prays for you OP!!!!! Abusive relationships will never work. The only way is to leave. hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27412776
Canada
11/11/2012 10:23 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I have never told anyone. I have been married since I was 17,now 29... he is 10 years older. He screams at me and calls me lots of names. Not like bitch or stupid but things like trashbag and retard. If I question anything he says. He threatens to kill me. He broke all the blood vessels in my eye two days ago by snapping a cord in my face. He is more verbally threatening than physical, but when he gets really mad he does hit me, just not every time. I have no friends or anyone for support. I dont even know why I am putting this on the forum. Maybe to just get it out of me. My eye hurts when I look at light. I tried to call the police but he broke the phone. Thing is, I am scared for him to leave because I have no one else in life but I do not love him. I have extreme anxiety attacks that he helps me through, so he isnt mean all the time. Just when I say something he doesn't like. I rarely leave my home. I have a dog that I love very much and he makes me happier than anything. This is the first time i have ever posted on GLP.I have been a lurker on a different account for a long time..I hope if the world does end my dog and I are the first to go.....

I am not here for sympathy, I do hope if there is someone out there who has been through similar and found a way out or some sort of self-therapy that really works, please share this with me.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


OP, you wrote "I have never told anyone."

Well now you have told a whole lot of people. This is good, it means that you are beginning to want change, and have decided not to be this person's punching bag any longer.

It's a first step. Now take it into the real world. Tell someone you know and can trust, tell a neighbour, tell a family member, if you go to church tell someone there. If you don't go, then find one to go to. And whatever / whoever your deity is - and if you don't have one just ask creation or the universe - ask for help to find your way out, IOW pray for guidance and strength. Ask and you will receive.

There probably are shelters and places near where you are that will help. I'm sure you will find one that will take you and your dog.

Above all, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about asking for help or sharing your story with others.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26298928
United States
11/11/2012 10:28 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
OP - my mother is going through the exact same situation, only she is still to the stage where she will do ANYTHING to justify his behavior. He threatened to kill her and burn the house down...and he retort is that her husband loves her enough to think about maybe going to therapy.

They moved in with us about a year ago (on family property), and now we are leaving because it has become so out of hand it's impossible to be here and watch. She has railroaded me, stolen from me, and made vicious accusations, all because I stand up immediately to my stepdad (I'm only about a foot and a half taller lol) and don't let him get away with it, ever.

The moral here is - if you are wise enough to get out, get out, and don't waste time thinking about it. My stepdad's going to kill my mother one day because she isn't wise enough. Your husband is no different. Your life is worth more than that, and if you don't feel that way, it is probably because of years of his manipulation.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27390779
United Kingdom
11/11/2012 10:30 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
bsflag
seer

User ID: 1529717
United States
11/11/2012 10:34 AM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I live in a desolate place. If I call that place will they meet me somewhere? Can I keep my dog?
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


just leave with your dog and trust that there is a way ........
DRHOECKER
User ID: 19191405
United States
11/11/2012 10:34 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I have never told anyone. I have been married since I was 17,now 29... he is 10 years older. He screams at me and calls me lots of names. Not like bitch or stupid but things like trashbag and retard. If I question anything he says. He threatens to kill me. He broke all the blood vessels in my eye two days ago by snapping a cord in my face. He is more verbally threatening than physical, but when he gets really mad he does hit me, just not every time. I have no friends or anyone for support. I dont even know why I am putting this on the forum. Maybe to just get it out of me. My eye hurts when I look at light. I tried to call the police but he broke the phone. Thing is, I am scared for him to leave because I have no one else in life but I do not love him. I have extreme anxiety attacks that he helps me through, so he isnt mean all the time. Just when I say something he doesn't like. I rarely leave my home. I have a dog that I love very much and he makes me happier than anything. This is the first time i have ever posted on GLP.I have been a lurker on a different account for a long time..I hope if the world does end my dog and I are the first to go.....

I am not here for sympathy, I do hope if there is someone out there who has been through similar and found a way out or some sort of self-therapy that really works, please share this with me.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
I AM 49 AND SINGLE
KNOW THIS,YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
WHEN YOU WANT OUT YOU CAN START OVER
BE STRONG AND KNOW HE WILL GET HIS SHARE SOON ENOUGH
NICE NOW MEAN LATER DONT FLY
YOU ARE FRESH LIFE DONT GROW OLD IN SADNESS
drhoecker@gmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1199835
Canada
11/11/2012 10:35 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
try being nicer to him...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27384624
United States
11/11/2012 10:38 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
OP, it's your own fault for staying with him.

Get out, and have him arrested.
Carol B.

User ID: 21050000
United States
11/11/2012 10:40 AM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Leave. There are people who can and will help you. Nothing will change if you stay.
 Quoting: Thor's Hamster


^^this^^ +10000
Carol B.

User ID: 21050000
United States
11/11/2012 10:40 AM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
try being nicer to him...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1199835


Never works...things only get worse.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25601325
United States
11/11/2012 10:41 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
You need to save yourself and build a better life.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2491358
Norway
11/11/2012 11:45 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Married at 17? Is that legal? To stay 12 yrs... U have to be religious. Leave the church and jezus they are the tools of evil.
Sparrow and Medicine

User ID: 27463370
United Kingdom
11/11/2012 11:48 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I have never told anyone. I have been married since I was 17,now 29... he is 10 years older. He screams at me and calls me lots of names. Not like bitch or stupid but things like trashbag and retard. If I question anything he says. He threatens to kill me. He broke all the blood vessels in my eye two days ago by snapping a cord in my face. He is more verbally threatening than physical, but when he gets really mad he does hit me, just not every time. I have no friends or anyone for support. I dont even know why I am putting this on the forum. Maybe to just get it out of me. My eye hurts when I look at light. I tried to call the police but he broke the phone. Thing is, I am scared for him to leave because I have no one else in life but I do not love him. I have extreme anxiety attacks that he helps me through, so he isnt mean all the time. Just when I say something he doesn't like. I rarely leave my home. I have a dog that I love very much and he makes me happier than anything. This is the first time i have ever posted on GLP.I have been a lurker on a different account for a long time..I hope if the world does end my dog and I are the first to go.....

I am not here for sympathy, I do hope if there is someone out there who has been through similar and found a way out or some sort of self-therapy that really works, please share this with me.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


GTFO attention-whore. No one is buying it.
"What happened to the legendary Chris Redfield, huh? What happened to you!?"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15411952
Canada
11/11/2012 11:50 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Leave him he doent deserve you, find a friend or cousin nwhere you can stay for awhile and rebuild your life. Consider at 30 years old a new beginning for you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27406451
France
11/11/2012 11:53 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
LEAVE HIM !!

Go back to your parents, or go to family or friends


but


LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW !!!
yI

User ID: 13090071
United States
11/11/2012 11:56 AM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Leave! Take your dog with you!
NO WAY
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
11/11/2012 12:13 PM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years


"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
11/11/2012 12:13 PM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Leave! Take your dog with you!
 Quoting: yI


hf

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Strawberrymittens

User ID: 26604828
United States
11/11/2012 01:31 PM

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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Plan it out over the next few days very carefully. Pack a small bag and hide it. Maybe you don't have a phone but you DO have internet. There has to be someone you can connect with and ask for help. Family, or an old friend. Tell them you need a place to stay for a few days, or even just help getting to a shelter. They WILL help you. Wait til he goes to work or falls asleep one night and walk out. Consider it the beginning of a new life. You NEED treatment for your eye, you have to get to a hospital and from there, they CAN help you get to shelter. Start with finding medical help and the rest will fall into place.

There IS medicine for anxiety and he is NOT the only person who can help you through it. He is probably part of the reason you feel so anxious and upset. He enjoys that you need him and he feels confident you won't leave. You have spent 12 years of your life like this, why stay for 12 more? He doesn't want you to get medical help because he'd rather have you lose sight in your eye than for him to be found out. You HAVE to LEAVE and begin a new life.

I know you are afraid of being alone, that's understandable and it sounds he's done quite a job of making you feel very isolated. It's a game he plays to keep you from leaving. Someday you will meet someone wonderful, but you have to take a leap of faith on your own to leave first. After 12 years, you can see it's never going to change, but likely get worse.
Wait til the right time these next few days, then take the car, a bag, and LEAVE. Walk if you have to, just get out.

Last Edited by Strawberrymittens on 11/11/2012 01:32 PM
The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent to the concerns of such puny creatures as we are. - Carl Sagan
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1550123
United States
11/11/2012 01:48 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
OP - my mother is going through the exact same situation, only she is still to the stage where she will do ANYTHING to justify his behavior. He threatened to kill her and burn the house down...and he retort is that her husband loves her enough to think about maybe going to therapy.

They moved in with us about a year ago (on family property), and now we are leaving because it has become so out of hand it's impossible to be here and watch. She has railroaded me, stolen from me, and made vicious accusations, all because I stand up immediately to my stepdad (I'm only about a foot and a half taller lol) and don't let him get away with it, ever.

The moral here is - if you are wise enough to get out, get out, and don't waste time thinking about it. My stepdad's going to kill my mother one day because she isn't wise enough. Your husband is no different. Your life is worth more than that, and if you don't feel that way, it is probably because of years of his manipulation.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26298928


Like always attracts like and until the abused person is ready to get better nothing will help them. They will actually attack the person trying to help them. And if they are forced to leave they will just get together with another abuser. They always find each other. So when you find a person who sticks up for their abuser there is no sense in trying to help them. Best to move on and get away from them before you get sucked into their drama.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26997864
United States
11/11/2012 01:52 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I have never told anyone. I have been married since I was 17,now 29... he is 10 years older. He screams at me and calls me lots of names. Not like bitch or stupid but things like trashbag and retard. If I question anything he says. He threatens to kill me. He broke all the blood vessels in my eye two days ago by snapping a cord in my face. He is more verbally threatening than physical, but when he gets really mad he does hit me, just not every time. I have no friends or anyone for support. I dont even know why I am putting this on the forum. Maybe to just get it out of me. My eye hurts when I look at light. I tried to call the police but he broke the phone. Thing is, I am scared for him to leave because I have no one else in life but I do not love him. I have extreme anxiety attacks that he helps me through, so he isnt mean all the time. Just when I say something he doesn't like. I rarely leave my home. I have a dog that I love very much and he makes me happier than anything. This is the first time i have ever posted on GLP.I have been a lurker on a different account for a long time..I hope if the world does end my dog and I are the first to go.....

I am not here for sympathy, I do hope if there is someone out there who has been through similar and found a way out or some sort of self-therapy that really works, please share this with me.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


so get a divorce you fucking retard, this isn't Oprah.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26521859
United States
11/11/2012 01:54 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Honey Boo Boo's Mom has a boyfriend...let that sink in.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27494073
United States
11/11/2012 01:54 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
You have time to tell strangers on the internet but you have no time to call the cops get a lawyer buy a gun or get some dudes to beat his ass......wow you have no natural instincts to protect your own life. That's too bad.
eve incognito
User ID: 27444597
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/11/2012 02:16 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
for the people eager to judge OP, unless you have bee married to a violant, manipulative person, you can't possibly understand what she is going through.

he know just how to maipulte her into thinking that maybe he isn't that bad, or that she is overreacting,that it's all in her head, or that she isn't nice enough to him, and like someone suggested the nicer she is the worse things will get.

abusive people that women stay with, are very intelligent, sadistic men, they do not only enjoy sadicits part of it, they equally enoy the part where they ssem meek and weak, and sorry, and cry and beg for fotgivness.

assume you are a woman, you are in love with a man, or at least givng your best to love him, and he hurts you very badly...but then he creis and begs you to forgive him...
you become confused, you assume that the tears are real, that he is geuanly sorry, that he just didn't know better, that he won't do it again...and it does happen again, coz he is faking the concern and tears, and he trains you like a circus animal, to think that maybe he just needs time, maybe he doesn't know any better...

in reality people usually know very well what they are doing and especially men who beat women, they are like peadophiliacs, they know it's a bad thing to hurt women /children, so they hide it.

peadophiliacs hide they are sleeping with kids, and abusers of women pretend they were provked, lost their temper, got frustrated, but they do't really enjoy it.

in reality whenever a stronger person physically punishes weaker one they know exactly what they are doing, they are using force to control the other person.

children drive me crazy all the time, i never slap them around, coz that is fucking retarded.

leave him OP he knows exactly what he is doing, and he is a fucking retard coz he enjoys it no matter what he says.
Mickeyblue
User ID: 9806228
United States
11/11/2012 02:23 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
Not knowing anything else about your husband's history I will take a stab At part of this.

You have stated your extreme dependency upon him. Men like to think that they are problem solvers and when they cannot comprehend one and cannot effect what they see as a solution they can get very angry. They feel helpless and strike out at those who make them feel this way.

Plus, and I do not mean this in a mean way, dependency steals one's strength, it is very draining. It is smothering.

Perhaps you use this without intending to to keep him there and pay this price willingly like a beaten down dog in order to survive.

There is another life with or without him and it will fall to you to effect this. One step at a time with the right support which is available.

Nurture that part of you that recognizes your worth in lone little area by exercvising it, strengthening it and move, step by step forward.
SteveJ

User ID: 21803325
United States
11/11/2012 02:39 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
I have some things I can sell that I can get a good bit of cash for. If I leave I dont think I would go back. I just need to find a place to be. Also, I dont know what I did, I just married to young I guess..to the wrong person. Since I dont want to make this into a thread with people making fun of it, Im not going to post anymore. I do thank you good posters for all the advice.
 Quoting: twinkletrooper


You just came here for sympathy. There are shelters in your area, and you already know that.

Well, you won't get sympathy from me. You need tough love.

Make a choice. Get beat up, or leave. Most of us would choose leaving, and we'd never look back.

Last Edited by SteveJ on 11/11/2012 02:41 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27532408
United Kingdom
11/11/2012 02:40 PM
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Re: I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years
congratulations, will there be a party?

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