I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for 12 years

leave

What do you mean when you hit him right?

I'm really sorry, but know you're not alone. You need to find a way to redefine yourself and these fears holding you back.

Get out now. Go to the wmca, or look in the phone book for domestic abuse centers. They will give you and your dog a safe place. No one should hurt you. You are worth so much more ! Hugs to you, get away from that scumbag,not a man.

There's no 'finding a way out'.

There's only LEAVING.

Else you die and rot never having changed anything.

So fucking leave.

Suck it up and stop being afraid to be alone.

It doesn't matter that you have no one/nowhere to go.

It only matters that you go.

Leave. There are people who can and will help you. Nothing will change if you stay.

Plus threatening to kill you is considered a terriost threat, he should be arrested. Go use a neighbors phone but get the hell out of there!

just walk out the door, you will find other people

I live in a desolate place. If I call that place will they meet me somewhere? Can I keep my dog?

See if you can get some money together and do a runner, sell some of his shit, but you will have to do it quickly, we have a place called womens refuge you must have an equivilent they will feed you and find you lodgings

please call the cops on him now. he will come back probably in the future and sorry as ever. it will be your decision to take him back. do BOTH of yourselves a favor and seek him professional help by reporting him to the police.

"Defend" yourself American Lady

You have a 2nd Amendment if its required.

Perhaps you should get some therapy see a shrink so you can stop your violent outbursts on him in which he fights back?

also.. i was the abusive male at one time, because of a cheating girlfriend. men get very possessive and need to be dealt with properly when they act this way. i'm happy she called the cops on me in a way. i could still be as twisted as i once was

I think I will just walk out when he goes to work, just pack my things and leave, Maybe I just needed other people to tell me to, thanks people who posted except the Australian poster....I dont have to hit or be mean to feel good, I have never hit him but I have spit in his food occasionally.

And don't allow him to contact you or know where you are.

dear glper,my heart goes out to you,its easy for folks to just say leave but i know what its like to have someone control you with fear.you need to make a plan,you dont just want to run off without a good plan of where your going,what you need to take,who if anyone you know who could help you.does this dirtbag go to work??? Start making a list of stuff you need to take like social security num,drivers licence any other docs you might need.can you get hold of any money??your gonna need some to get you started.have you not got a friend or relative that lives out of state that you could contact and ask for help? If not decide where your gonna go,then call up womens shelters in that area and let them know you will be coming,take your dog and go.....remember its all about planning.....wait till hes well out of the way before you attempt your escape plan.....remember your amazing and you can make it on your own....takecare sister,i pray our lord jesus will bless you and keep you safe.

LOL. what did you do to ASK FOR IT?

Smacks him in the head of course throws things at him chases him around the house with a frying pan.

Hate to say... You are part of the problem because you are in a codependent relationship.see how you slipped in the part about him helping you through the panic attacks. What about the physical attacks and threatening your life?
You can't leave because you are sick too, stuck in this vicious circle of abuse/love.You will need to get help to do this.Most people don't understand a normal person would have found a way out LONG ago... Resources for help are out there. You need to be willing. Or...

I have some things I can sell that I can get a good bit of cash for. If I leave I dont think I would go back. I just need to find a place to be. Also, I dont know what I did, I just married to young I guess..to the wrong person. Since I dont want to make this into a thread with people making fun of it, Im not going to post anymore. I do thank you good posters for all the advice.

planning is the key, if u could buy a cheap cell phone also, if u have a relative out of town nows the time to catch up, a small tent would be cool

This. Get him arrested and GTFO.

This website might be of some use while you're getting back on your own two feet.

[link to www.womenshelters.org]

You don't think so, or you won't? If you don't thinks so just stay, you'll be back, and when you do you'll get more of the same or worse.

If you're gonna it has to be forever or not at all. Wife beaters don't change and if you're waffling already then I give you about three days before you go crawling back for another beating. You need to screw up the courage to go all the way.

support,support and more support is what you need.definatly get in touch with organisations that deal with domestic violence situs....you will be so surprised how strong you can get with one of these places helping you and giving you advice.most women who work at these places have escaped violence themselves,they will give you the strength and power you need to get the hell outta there and start life again.once you leave NEVER LOOK BACK...also keep away from men and be single.chances are you could find yourself in the same situ again if you jump straight to another relationship...just stick with your dog....and love jesus,you will be just fine.

i was married to a guy like that.

i will tell you something you know already, but i will say it.

you have to leave him.

it's not gonno get better, and he does know what he is doing, don't fall for the "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to" act.
he enjoys humiliating and hurting you, is that really acceptable for you?

i know you think it's your fault, because you should have know better than to marry a psycho, and you are ashemd of your choice, but at least you were very young, i was 31 and still fooled into marrying a psychopath.

addmitting to people that loved me that i was so gulable as to fall for his manipulative crap was very hard.

it's been almost two years since i left that terrible situation, and i am still traumatized by it and my marriage was super short, only six moths.

(it's not things he did, it's that i trusted him, i opened up, i put him before anyone else in this world, before myself, and he was an enemy, he enjoyed hurting me. i am still shell schocked by it)
so leaving him, is only the begining, you will need loads of love and support to heal, but you have to leave him, he is a bad person, he can't possibly be your man, he is a bad man that tricked you into believing he was your man.

i hope you get away soon, and meet a good man, that will help you heal and that will make you very happy.

some men are like that, they know how to make a woman very happy.

i have a husband like that now, and sometimes i can't believe after everything i have been thru, that there is such a good man in my life, who has my back no matter what, and is patient and loving, and amazing.

i wish you the best of luck!

aw good one.i wish i thought of that. you need to leave and never speak to him again. if he could fool you once, he can do it again, and then you will stay with him till he kills you, leave and cut all contact.
don't talk to him, don't meet up, and if you can find a way to divorce him without facing him, do it that way.
coz he will noit let go easily of his punching bag, don't underestimate this guy, he fooled you once, he can do it again.