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Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?

 
Solarninja

User ID: 24870479
United States
11/12/2012 04:17 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
yeah, sure it is first time she did this ? Just saying, from past experience .1dunno1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1342948
United States
11/12/2012 04:17 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The court of law cares not if a spouse is unfaithful. Decimation is possible in 5 states but all that gets you is money if you can prove the cheating spouse was spending money on the cheater. Like a guy providing some bimbo diamonds or something like that, which doesn't apply in my case anyways.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Your not following my argument. Whether your state recognizes this act or not, do you not think that she would not bring this out in a court hearing if it was the other way around? You bet your ass she would and it would not be for punishment under the law, it would be to ruin your integrity and name. Hell, Washington D.C. does this all the time to anyone that dares to disagree with the Emperor.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 04:18 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The other women I spoke of means the world to me. We live many miles apart and have always kept up with each others lives. She is a very good faithful women also. No hanky panky but this would be our opportunity. Not many men would pass her up. I am just torn and yes, I don't know why I am asking questions here. Just looking for answers I guess.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4714791
United States
11/12/2012 04:18 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
No, everyone doesn't cheat, I never did and I had opportunities. I could be sacked up with a very successful women living the good life. My family meant more but now she has done the unthinkable to me and her own child. It's not all about me. The 9 yr old is my reason for being when it comes down to it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


It sounds like you have been waiting/hoping/helping this to happen to shack up with your girlfriend you just haven't slept with yet.
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/12/2012 04:19 AM

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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Hmmm.


Sad, OP.


You say you still love her, so if you leave her what good is that gonna be doing you? You would just be all obsessive over her and would just essentially be living a lie. Unless you genuinely tried to move on and find someone else. So.


If you hated her now, the answer would be simple.


It will be your sacrifice to stay in the relationship now... tell her that, if you do stay. Make it clear what an upstanding man you are to stay beside her (if you do).
Jento

User ID: 27314653
United States
11/12/2012 04:21 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The other women I spoke of means the world to me. We live many miles apart and have always kept up with each others lives. She is a very good faithful women also. No hanky panky but this would be our opportunity. Not many men would pass her up. I am just torn and yes, I don't know why I am asking questions here. Just looking for answers I guess.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Gonna be nosy here, why aren't you with this other woman to begin with? If you don't want to answer, thats cool. Just thought I would ask since I am sure most are curious.

Last Edited by Jento on 11/12/2012 04:22 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13765424
Australia
11/12/2012 04:24 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
It's a long time married mate, sometimes temptation gets the better of people, women included. Circumstances inside the marriage can also lead to spouses desiring the physical touch of another person, particularly if the marriage has become more routine than spontaneous. I know being married drove me nuts, the same thing all the time drove me stir crazy..
L | b e R T a R | a N ???

User ID: 5108315
United States
11/12/2012 04:26 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Wow talk about a bunch of pussies. I've told my wife what would happen if she cheated on me. It starts with M and ends in a gas chamber. Man the fuck up. Leave the bitch. Take her kid away from her. Fuck her bro. Just sayin OP if you let her get away with this shit once she'll do it again.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 04:27 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I have been through the whole range of emotions from hatred to pity for my wife. She will need me as she never handle finances, she has good job, but no financial wizard if you know what I mean. One other thing I failed to mention. She has an older sister who has always been envious of our success. Her sister has always tried to drive us apart, even went with her to meet this guy behind my back. I can't blame the jealous sister for my wife's action, but I know she has always been in her ear.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27574727
Thailand
11/12/2012 04:27 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
OP,

It's this modern dirty culture and the TV that promotes affairs and promiscuity.

If it was me I would forgive her because she, along with most women are very impressionable.

Uncle

PS: If you do decide to forgive her, make sure you do it for her, not for your kid, or financial reasons. This is the only way to repair the spiritual damage done.
L | b e R T a R | a N ???

User ID: 5108315
United States
11/12/2012 04:29 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I have been through the whole range of emotions from hatred to pity for my wife. She will need me as she never handle finances, she has good job, but no financial wizard if you know what I mean. One other thing I failed to mention. She has an older sister who has always been envious of our success. Her sister has always tried to drive us apart, even went with her to meet this guy behind my back. I can't blame the jealous sister for my wife's action, but I know she has always been in her ear.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043



Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 04:30 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The other women like myself is in the process of divorce also. Neither one of us are divorcing for each other. This is why we never were together since HS. She and I are more respectful then that.
L | b e R T a R | a N ???

User ID: 5108315
United States
11/12/2012 04:31 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The other women like myself
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Couldn't have put it better myself. You are a woman.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4714791
United States
11/12/2012 04:35 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
D's?
The other women like myself is in the process of divorce also. Neither one of us are divorcing for each other. This is why we never were together since HS. She and I are more respectful then that.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


So are you gonna move there or is she gonna move? Does she have kids?

Nice fantasy but don't rush into anything. The grass is always greener until you are in it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13765424
Australia
11/12/2012 04:36 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Family politics killed the emotional attachment for me man, my ex wife despised my little sister and towards the of the marriage she turned that vitriol towards my mum, and that was the straw that did sent me looking elsewhere. If your direct family interfered inside the relationship, that can also be the motivation to seek happiness outside the immediate circle. Go shake it up with some new quim mate, might do you good. I traded up to a filly, and it's sensational.
BridgeFucker
User ID: 26329297
Australia
11/12/2012 04:37 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Hmmm.


Sad, OP.


You say you still love her, so if you leave her what good is that gonna be doing you? You would just be all obsessive over her and would just essentially be living a lie. Unless you genuinely tried to move on and find someone else. So.


If you hated her now, the answer would be simple.


It will be your sacrifice to stay in the relationship now... tell her that, if you do stay. Make it clear what an upstanding man you are to stay beside her (if you do).
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


No he should get out of it tamely staying friends and helping each other instead of fighting and burning bridges.
The damage has already been done, it will never be the same, but they should be friends and help each other in life.
Because you can never get enough fucking help in life it seems.
Im going to be nice to everyone from now on, im sick of the karma I get back from spreading hate, the hate consumes me every time.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 04:37 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
LOL, I assure you, I am all man. Just a little stunned the women I gave up everything for could do so wrong by me. I could had an abortion or walked, but I gave her everything I had, to be done this way. Our first born has already made us grandparents twice over. Don't want to lose my family but can't stand a cheater. It sucks and yet I still lover her even when I could do better in the pretty close future. Maybe I am a wuss, I don't know.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27536919
Belgium
11/12/2012 04:37 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I'd just fuck her infront of the other, just to show whore she plainly is. En then, after that, file a divore,claiming all that is yours. Did it twice. If she loves me she won't even think of going else, if she doesn't and goes someone else, then just a whore and should be treated accordingly.
L | b e R T a R | a N ???

User ID: 5108315
United States
11/12/2012 04:38 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
LOL, I assure you, I am all man. Just a little stunned the women I gave up everything for could do so wrong by me. I could had an abortion or walked, but I gave her everything I had, to be done this way. Our first born has already made us grandparents twice over. Don't want to lose my family but can't stand a cheater. It sucks and yet I still lover her even when I could do better in the pretty close future. Maybe I am a wuss, I don't know.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043



Come on man, put your dick back on and get out there and find some hoes.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1535628
Canada
11/12/2012 04:41 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Everyone is getting divorced these days. Marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse... a life long contract. People who love each other do shit things to each other all the time.

Be a man, make sure she knows you have a backbone, but stay with your wife.
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/12/2012 04:45 AM

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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
No he should get out of it tamely staying friends and helping each other instead of fighting and burning bridges.
The damage has already been done, it will never be the same, but they should be friends and help each other in life.
Because you can never get enough fucking help in life it seems.
Im going to be nice to everyone from now on, im sick of the karma I get back from spreading hate, the hate consumes me every time.
 Quoting: BridgeFucker 26329297



Perhaps.


I wonder if OP's love that he still claims for her is some other type of emotion/human response... perhaps residual doubt of the ability to move on, fear of being alone, or one of the other common things humans experience in these situations.


It may take some time to be able to tell. I don't know OP. This type of thing is usually an easy matter for me to advise on, in way way more obscene definition than I've shown on this thread.


It does sound like you've been desiring your old friend at least subconsciously, for a long time. I suspect more so admiration than romantic interest... up until this point. I urge you not to do anything hasty with that friend... that could bring a whole load of more shit into this situation and even jeopardize your friendship.


What you need is some 'you time'. Be within yourself and be your refuge. One thing your fucking wife definitely owes you is the time and peace to think. Perhaps you should take a small trip away alone. Don't worry about the kid, tell her you're going to a reunion to reunite with old friends or something absurd.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8980350
United States
11/12/2012 04:49 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I'd go fucking ballistic if my wife did that shit. Man, I feel bad for u and I never say that to anyone...ever...because my lifes pretty fucked up at the moment myself but its due to injuries and hurting everyday not my wife.

My very good friend found out his wife was cheating on him a few years ago and they have 2 young kids. They managed to "fix things" and are currently together BUT there is a whole lot of false trust on his part now. She isn't that hot but she is the type who believes she's fucking smokin' hot lol. He watches her like a hawk and tries to have people keep tabs on her whenever possible without her knowing. Its a fucking mess. He did it for the good of his family though, because he didn't want his 2 kids growing up split between mom and dad because we grew up like that as kids and it was messed up sometimes. My friends dad died and he got sucked into alcohol big time for a few months and she used that as an excuse to fuck someone else.

You have to figure it out...are you able to ever trust her again after doing something like that? I'm the only person my wife has ever been with so I guess I could just chalk it up to her being curious if she ever did something like that but still I'd be pissed that she did something so wrong it could've fucked up our whole family. She'd realize she had it good at home all along and come back in the end. Daddy is never wrong.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 04:51 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The answers are all over, just as I have been. For some reason the saying, once a cheat always a cheat, sticks with me. The wife says she will die alone if I leave her. I think divorce is inevitable, hell papers are all but done. She has one class to take, then on to the judge. Maybe I will see if she stays true and remains alone, but I will be already taken by then anyways.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13813766
Australia
11/12/2012 04:52 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She's 43, I am 46. I got her as a virgin, never dreamed she would cheat, especially this late in the game. I was always faithful, had plenty of opportunity to step out but I never did. Family was always what kept me in line. I would feel a sucker if I let her back in.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043
Do you love her?have you never committed any wrongdoing?Forgive her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22083480
Switzerland
11/12/2012 04:52 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
i'd be thinking to myself... dna test for the 9 year old daughter if i were you...
just sayin.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4714791
United States
11/12/2012 04:53 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
LOL, I assure you, I am all man. Just a little stunned the women I gave up everything for could do so wrong by me. I could had an abortion or walked, but I gave her everything I had, to be done this way. Our first born has already made us grandparents twice over. Don't want to lose my family but can't stand a cheater. It sucks and yet I still lover her even when I could do better in the pretty close future. Maybe I am a wuss, I don't know.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


What did you really give up for her?

Did you really never love her or is this just the pain talking?

If she was a virgin and only cheated once in 23 years (and only after female surgery that probably messed with her head a little) and being pushed by a jealous sister, it seems like shes not a typical cheating spouse and deserves a second chance.

Cheating isn't always sexual. It sounds like you have been far more intimately involved outside of your marriage and for much longer than your wife.
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/12/2012 04:54 AM

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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The answers are all over, just as I have been. For some reason the saying, once a cheat always a cheat, sticks with me. The wife says she will die alone if I leave her. I think divorce is inevitable, hell papers are all but done. She has one class to take, then on to the judge. Maybe I will see if she stays true and remains alone, but I will be already taken by then anyways.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043




WTF?


So you're already in the middle of a divorce??


Why the hell are you pretending to ask us like you don't know what you're gonna do then?


Thinkin' we got played folks.

Last Edited by Mister Obvious on 11/12/2012 04:54 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13813766
Australia
11/12/2012 04:55 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
The answers are all over, just as I have been. For some reason the saying, once a cheat always a cheat, sticks with me. The wife says she will die alone if I leave her. I think divorce is inevitable, hell papers are all but done. She has one class to take, then on to the judge. Maybe I will see if she stays true and remains alone, but I will be already taken by then anyways.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043

I have only one question.If you cannot forgive her then why should I forgive you?Dont worry about asking who I am.That doesnt matter.But if you cannot forgive then why should you be forgiven?
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/12/2012 04:55 AM

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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Cheating isn't always sexual. It sounds like you have been far more intimately involved outside of your marriage and for much longer than your wife.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 4714791




Ouch, painful truth right there.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26329297
Australia
11/12/2012 04:55 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
No he should get out of it tamely staying friends and helping each other instead of fighting and burning bridges.
The damage has already been done, it will never be the same, but they should be friends and help each other in life.
Because you can never get enough fucking help in life it seems.
Im going to be nice to everyone from now on, im sick of the karma I get back from spreading hate, the hate consumes me every time.
 Quoting: BridgeFucker 26329297



Perhaps.


I wonder if OP's love that he still claims for her is some other type of emotion/human response.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


lol being male is it even a question, its probably purely sexual, or fear of abandonment by his mother cruise

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