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Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?

 
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 05:49 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
What do u mean, she will especially cheat on you now?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27553610
United Kingdom
11/12/2012 05:51 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
get a written apology

for the divorce courts if it goes sour later.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27553610
United Kingdom
11/12/2012 05:52 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
What do u mean, she will especially cheat on you now?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


she doesn't understand whats right or wrong just what can be done.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 05:53 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Sex and love are 2 separate things

Just talk about it with her and let it go and move on
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 05:53 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Sex and love are 2 separate things

Just talk about it with her and let it go and move on
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 05:53 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Sex and love are 2 separate things

Just talk about it with her and let it go and move on
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 05:53 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Sex and love are 2 separate things

Just talk about it with her and let it go and move on
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27581335
Luxembourg
11/12/2012 05:54 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
24 yo dude here. Reading stories like this makes me want to never marry in my life.

Never going to give everything I have to one bitch, NEVER EVER. Fuck them.
Jento

User ID: 27314653
United States
11/12/2012 05:54 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
What do u mean, she will especially cheat on you now?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Well, in my experience, once a cheater always a cheater. But maybe she is different.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7570540
United States
11/12/2012 05:55 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
You don't talk about your love - only your wife's love for you and the greater love this other woman has for you. Don't you have love for anyone? Honestly, it kind of sounds like you are wondering if this is a good enough reason to kick her out so that you can pursue this other relationship - and that you would do it in a NY minute if it weren't for your child.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7570540


Once you love someone, I think you always do to a certain degree. I honestly found out I love my wife even more then I realized. I love them both but have a passion for my wife. I just know I will always be wondering if she would ever do it again and I don't think I can live like that, passion or not.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Our significant others will, at some point, probably do something to betray or hurt us in some way. I believe that people need to work out these issues when possible. After all, you can move on to the next person but there will be issues in that relationship as well(different issues, perhaps, but issues all the same). People who have been divorced once have a greater chance of divorce a second time as well - because they don't learn to work on their relationships, changing what they are doing wrong and normally blaming the other person. Frankly, people don't cheat if everything is good at home. You need to talk to your wife and get some couple's therapy.

I've been married close to 30 years. Things haven't always been smooth. I can tell you that I work with screwed up kids and they are almost always from broken homes. Ask your teacher friends - you can usually pick out the kids from divorce without even having that prior knowledge.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 05:55 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Love is not about possessing somebody

So what if she had sex outside the relationship

If you truly love somebody you can realize it's just sex

If you can't let go of it it means the relationship was unhealthy dependency from the start
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26448516
11/12/2012 05:55 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I truly love her though. It's not a matter of man or mouse.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Everyone is entitled to one mistake , don't throw away a marriage through this....
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17952043
United States
11/12/2012 06:00 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Love is not about possessing somebody

So what if she had sex outside the relationship

If you truly love somebody you can realize it's just sex

If you can't let go of it it means the relationship was unhealthy dependency from the start
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26551418


There is a lot of truth in that statement, along with others also in this thread.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 06:07 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Love is not about possessing somebody

So what if she had sex outside the relationship

If you truly love somebody you can realize it's just sex

If you can't let go of it it means the relationship was unhealthy dependency from the start
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26551418


There is a lot of truth in that statement, along with others also in this thread.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


What is a healthy relationship ultimately about?

COMPANIONSHIP

If you both love each other's company then let it go
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1492246
Russian Federation
11/12/2012 06:08 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
OP, I wonder what your inner voice says...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26329297
Australia
11/12/2012 06:17 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
My internet must be bugging up, can't load your link Mr Obvious. Thanks for the thoughts, wish I could explained my situation better.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


What about your word is that bugging up too liar?
I want to machine gun you to death with frozen chickens!
Great White
User ID: 23801507
Romania
11/12/2012 06:19 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


You would destroy the marriage on a subconscious level because consciously you want to end it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26906873
United States
11/12/2012 06:22 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Once they go black, they dont come back.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 998486


lmao
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26551418
United States
11/12/2012 06:24 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
Once they go black, they dont come back.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 998486


lmao
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26906873


That's a myth

Plenty of black men have small dicks
Lisa*Lisa

User ID: 1106916
United States
11/12/2012 06:28 AM

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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


She made a mistake OP. We all make mistakes.

True love means forgiving. If you really love her, you will forgive her and mean it.
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27581335
Luxembourg
11/12/2012 06:34 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
OP where is your degnity? Throw her the fuck out of your house.

Seriously, get another women who respects you. In the moment your wife cheated one you, she lost ALL respect for you. Do you want to live with someone who doesn't respect you? Think about it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18732778
Norway
11/12/2012 06:48 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
i'd be thinking to myself... dna test for the 9 year old daughter if i were you...
just sayin.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22083480


The 9 yr old is a boy and he looks just like me. No probs there, she has always been faithful but this one time. She did all but throw herself on an old HS friend, and damn is he an ugly sob. That's not anger talking there neither, just the truth which I always speak, even to a fault sometimes. Told you I am old fashioned, just nobodys fool tho.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Maybe cutting the lady tubes really did mess with your wifes head then?

Forgive her if you love her. You can always try to forgive her for awhile, if it dosent work just get a divorce.
Follow your heart.hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 743036
United Kingdom
11/12/2012 07:15 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She was always faithful, hard worker, great mother. I don't think I can trust her even though I feel she would never do it again. Nobody else can believe she did it neither. She had her tubes crossed at doctor request, she claims it made her crazy. Sounds lame to me, but I love her, can't stand it with or without her now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Give her a chance. 23 years is a long time with the same person and modern day pressures, and she will need to work to gain your trust back. But all is not lost.

I've done the same thing once, never again. Hurt myself almost as much as I hurt him.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 743036
United Kingdom
11/12/2012 07:18 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
24 yo dude here. Reading stories like this makes me want to never marry in my life.

Never going to give everything I have to one bitch, NEVER EVER. Fuck them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27581335


Thats very sad to hear. There's a lot of horrible women in the world but theres also some real gems. Just look for the ones who value the important stuff, rather than hair, shoes and makeup.

Also, finding a woman whilst you're still on the bottom of the money ladder is a very good indicator. that shows she's not in it for the cash
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6045530
United Kingdom
11/12/2012 07:42 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
my ex cheated on me with a fucking crackhead who just got out of prison. i found out from her friend that she smoked crack with him in his crack den and he fucked her in her ass until her knees almost bled to the bone from carpet burns.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1211208
United States
11/12/2012 07:52 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She has only been doing it for 22 years and 10 months.. iamwith
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27581335
Luxembourg
11/12/2012 08:02 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
my ex cheated on me with a fucking crackhead who just got out of prison. i found out from her friend that she smoked crack with him in his crack den and he fucked her in her ass until her knees almost bled to the bone from carpet burns.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6045530


...thats fucked up, man.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14596164
Canada
11/12/2012 09:04 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
OP, I feel for you, I just went through this myself and it has been extremely hard on me.

My husband cheated on me and things have never been the same since.

You said your wife was a virgin when you met, well, I'm thinking that because she hadn't had anyone else before, that maybe she was curious after all these years and her curiosity got the best of her.

My husband had only been with one other girl before me and I kind of think that maybe he was curious as well, although he was also very intoxicated, both things may have played a part.

At any rate, things have not been the same since, we have been to counseling, we've tried separating for a bit, but I still have that wall put up, and I don't see things getting any better.

On top of that, I now have a curiosity for other men. I have an extremely high sex drive and some fantasies that he cannot full fill due to him being a very plain jane type of guy.

The story goes on, I wont get into it, but I just wanted to chime in on this.

I wish you all the best. Only you have the answer.

hf
somebodywhocareabouty​ou
User ID: 27566595
China
11/12/2012 09:10 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
No, never divorce. Tell her that you love her and will forgive her for the incident. After that, just stay cool, and move on. See for the year ahead, is she change inside??? Mostly woman will get touched in heart just by you forgiving them.

But, if she change none after you declared that you love her and forgive her, so, maybe it is the time for divorce.

The plan B:
If you can handle this, you are a great man, so just forgive and forget. Remember the bible and what Jesus said: Forgive your enemy, pray also for the man your wife cheating on. It will release your emotion beautifully.

Note:
Remember, many people might have worse marriage condition than you are, so be grateful if your wife showing a pity face, and feel sorry to you, it is better than a rude woman who just leave you with her new bf. (it is happened in my country, there's one actress who cheating and just leave her husband).

Maybe my problem is worse than you, I have problems with my parents, they're not compatible with me. In my mind, my condition is worse than yours. Think openly about the dark side of life, ok. Let's move on bro!!! Forgive and forget, life is too short to fill with anger, rage, envy. Make your life useful and satisfying you. Start do many things which will satisfy yourself. Love yourself first, than the others. It will heal your soul too.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3960495
United States
11/12/2012 09:18 AM
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Re: Wife of 23 years cheated on me, should I divorce?
She's 43, I am 46. I got her as a virgin, never dreamed she would cheat, especially this late in the game. I was always faithful, had plenty of opportunity to step out but I never did. Family was always what kept me in line. I would feel a sucker if I let her back in.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043


Probably the virgin thing.

Hardest part would be the fact that you had to supress your horniness for 23 years and never got to "explore".

Will she allow you a lustful night now?

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