...
Once you love someone, I think you always do to a certain degree. I honestly found out I love my wife even more then I realized. I love them both but have a passion for my wife. I just know I will always be wondering if she would ever do it again and I don't think I can live like that, passion or not.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17952043 Our significant others will, at some point, probably do something to betray or hurt us in some way. I believe that people need to work out these issues when possible. After all, you can move on to the next person but there will be issues in that relationship as well(different issues, perhaps, but issues all the same). People who have been divorced once have a greater chance of divorce a second time as well - because they don't learn to work on their relationships, changing what they are doing wrong and normally blaming the other person. Frankly, people don't cheat if everything is good at home. You need to talk to your wife and get some couple's therapy.
I've been married close to 30 years. Things haven't always been smooth. I can tell you that I work with screwed up kids and they are almost always from broken homes. Ask your teacher friends - you can usually pick out the kids from divorce without even having that prior knowledge.
i agree, there is no human husband or wife that will not betray trust or do something stupid and hurtful at some point in 20 or more years of marriage...
i just want to tell you something, i used to be the kind of person who thought only lame people get a divorce, i thought you ought to choose wisely, marry for love and work on it.
unless the man is beating you or cheating so much that it's keeping him from ever seeing you or the kids WORK ON IT...and how can you possibly marry such sadist cheat if you choose wisely.
i am a very open minded person, but i was very close minded when it comes to divorce.
then i got marreid to a man that did a complete 180 after we got married.
from loving he wet to cruel, from adoring me he went to "ahhh, you are not much but if you let me punch you around i'll keep you",
from charming he went to malicious, both to me and to other people...
i thought that divorce wasn't an option and decided that he can't be mean as much as i can love him and be good to him, and that was my plan to break through obvious issues he had with love, women, intimacy, and respecting your loved one....
it made things only worse, he mistook my kindness, patiance, and willingness to work on the marriage, for weakness, fear and not having anywhre to go, so putting up with his crap.
pretty soon i got really sick, doctors started tessing me for lupus, a very serious desease.
i looked like crap (usually i am not completely unfortunately looking woman), i was physically very sick and mentally i started going through horrible spells....
i was shell shocked that he fooled me so much and that i married such an evil man...i was ashemd and heart broken.
we started having really nasty fights and i became mean like i never was before...
never in any of my relationships did i have such nasty fights, i usually do not swing cheap shots at someone i love, but i was so broken down with the relization that this man enjoyed abusing me that in a way i became just like him....
it was a terrible situaton, and walking out of that house was one of the best things i have ever done....
you shouldn't judge people who choose divorce, divorce is as natural and normal as marriage and it happens when two people do not love each other enough.
real love conquers anything, and nobody should settle for anything else than real love.
good divorce is always better than bad marriage, and even my father who has been married for 35 years to the same woman told me after i left the marriage, that love is always a lottery, this time i simply lost,you betted aon all the wrong numbers, but maybe next time i will win a jack pot.
i think that is a very good way to look at things when "love" and marriage fail, or fail terribly like mine did.
coz i was devistated i was almost cathotonic for a month or two, i stopped showering, eating or sleeping i wld sit ony my mothers sofa, where i also slept and smoke really strong cigarettes and wait for me to die, (i was still pretty sick even though the doctor couldn't diagnose me with anything in particular)
now i am wiser to the whole divorce extravaganza:), and i know that, you don't leave your spouse unless you absolutely have to, but if you have to, that isn't the end of the world, and divorce isn't only for bad people and losers it's for all humans who have to do it.
it doesn't mean you are flakey if you had gotten a divorce, sometimes it means you got very hurt and betrayed and maybe had to leave the person you were married to even if you hate divorce and.....
don't judge divorced people, we are people like any other people, some of us are quite nice people and given the right conditions do know how to feed and nurture love as oppose to kill it.
