Repressed memories...

i got some back from about that age when i started doing my psychic training. it started with triggering the 'pictures' and as i was doing a routine chakra clearing it came up in spades. i spent three days -not sick- vomiting, shitting, sweating, purging big time. now i have them back, for the most part...it's tough, but it's worth it to release those things that are affecting our psyche without our even knowing it.

Sounds like fun lol.. Seriously though whatever happened did affect me in a bad way and the 10 seconds i can remember are a bit shocking. Maybe it will come up naturally.

Depends how they were repressed.
You have to reverse engineer the repression of the memory in order to bring it back up.
That or follow it in step by step from the point that you remember.

Me, I've moved on to dropping "viruses" but my repression was artificially created so a bit of a unique mess.

I don't really understand what you mean by 'how'? I would say fear if i use my understanding of what you mean. I can't do it, it really is blank, nothing! I've replayed it thousands of times from the time it first came up. How can i reverse engineer the repression? If you have tme to explain i'd appreciate it thanks :-)

it wasn't fun, heh, but, i've committed my life to healing and that begins with me. getting back that missing piece can resolve so many other issues.

i have had spontaneous healing happen as well...i was 21, about 22 years ago, had attempted suicide and my mom was pissed so she shipped me off to my dad in st. louis. i hated living with him so i got a good job and moved to an artist warehouse downtown. i had the whole 8th floor to myself, and a giant studio space to live in. i started my ladytime and had to go to the bathroom, on the way i thought i was going to pass out a couple times, had to crouch and steady myself on the floor. the third time i was in the hall, near the bathroom, when i just passed right out...only i was still conscious, remotely, like observing...it was like i was in a cave of vivid colors melting upwards, i was a bit panicked over the loss of control, especially when i started literally hearing myself say words that were NOT of this world, kind of like speaking in tongues i guess but this was like, alien gibberish. i could hear a voice saying these things in my head, and somehow forcing me to repeat them aloud.

i forced myself back to this world, for a while i just laid on the floor unable to move and calling for help, but no one could hear me. i was able to get myself to the bathroom and spent about half an hour 'purging,' not the puking but massive sweating and stuff. scared the shit out of me.

later i looked it up and the only thing i can equate it to is a kundalini thing, but later in life knowing other things about myself and my ancestry, dna, etc. i am starting to wonder. i have NO idea what was being purged, it never happened again, i do not equate it to 'demonic' crap (i have experience dealing with a real demon, i know the diff). whatever weirdness i was resolving, i'll never know perhaps.

i've had many spontaneous healings, a lot of them in dreamtime, so perhaps working with your dreams could be a way to get through it. i'm all about the dreams. sometimes we don't need to know the details and specifics of trauma to be able to heal it in dreamtime.

You don't want to know what happened as a child, trust me.

SPOILERS




























You were gangraped.

light under the door is dealing with forced repression, it's different, unless you too were part of the mind control programs. i am trying to understand that one too. not for myself, but loved ones who have gone through it and started getting back those memories.

don't worry about 'blank,' instead of trying to remember the event itself, try to go into the FEELINGS that are triggered. pay attention to where those feelings come up in the body...in the first comment i made, i didn't have event memories either...that came during the purge...but the initial trigger was feeling nauseous, in my second chakra which was where the pictures were held. day one i felt nauseous, stopped working that chakra, it went away....day two i decided to go with it and figured it would go away again but oh my, it did not!

it's like a dream you don't quite remember, but there's a feeling from it...fear, or relief, or whatever it is. the feeling can bring a lot of insight, without having to relive any trauma or anything...like i said, we don't NEED to recall the gory details, because it is not the details that are important, it's the emotional baggage around the trauma we seek to clear.

i wish i could explain 'pictures' as they relate to healing the soul and spirit, spirit speaks in pictures (like in dreams)...

OP...don't forget, you can delete comments from asshats. *ahem* sparrow.

For me it was easy because someone literally told me no, not to remember. So all I had to do was keep being an obedient little thing and just forget what "no" meant. I decided it meant I should "know" the memories. So I sort of sideways engineered that one.

If it was fear that triggered you to forget you may have to have to convince yourself that your reaction to fear is supposed be to remember, like a little "oops I forgot that's what it's supposed to mean". Most memory blocks are psychological so it's really about re-engineering how your psychological system works.

I have this visualisation thing I do where I see all of these memories that I can't get to because they're blocked off in boxes, behind walls etc....I turn them all to liquid in my head and they seep out of the boxes because no box can hold liquid forever without it finding a way to leak out. Because the structure in which I kept memories is now convinced that the memories are free and cannot be held back by blocks, they actually are free.

It really is all psychological :)

Its Ok hes commented on my posts before, i don't think anyone here on GLP takes him seriously lol.. I'll wb to your other post now

You are such a twat sometimes

There is a reason why you are not remembering more than 3 or 4 seconds of an event...it's because your brain and body are NOT READY to remember. Your mind is purposely keeping you from the memory as a self defense measure because it would cause you too much trauma if you were to remember before you were ready to handle it.

I have Dissociative Disorder, with such childhood trauma that I blocked out most of my childhood. It was only through years of therapy I was able to not only remember, but integrate the memories. Memories and events came up as I was ready to face them.

Make no mistake...the brain is a wonderful thing. It will keep you from something if it feels you are not ready to deal with. And then it will allow you to face things as you become strong enough and ready. Be grateful and thankful we are built this way.

I have no short cuts to offer you, as in my experience it doesn't work that way. Good luck!

You can't delete without a membership I don't think. That's why I got my yellow star..someone was hijacking a thread I cared about.

oh poo, you're right. forgot that.

hey light, when you started getting your memories back, were you triggered into the suicide mode? i REALLY need to help someone. i've got your mk thread up but it's a few pages in from where i last read and i haven't started catching up yet.

I've toyed with the idea that i'm under some kind of mind control but I try not to think about it. I've had things happen, reasons to make me believe I have an alter who can wake up when i go to sleep. I live alone and sometimes i wake up in the morning and theres lights on in my room, doors open, things moved. Sometimes even memories of driving my car around at night. One morning i woke up and could clearly remember being stopped at a police checkpoint on a main road. I'm always tired after 8 hours sleep and constantly feel drained. I'm not saying i'm part of some sophisticated mind control programme but I do think that what happened that day created an alter and thats why i'm trying to bring it up. I also remember torture at the hands of somone i know and i remember clearly that i couldnt take the pain, so i stopped crying and my mind went blank and i couldnt really feel the pain anymore. Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for sharing your story aswell :-) I do see pictures in dreams and they mean something to me when i look up their meaning.

Thanks for the advice, yup its a lot to take in and complicated. Its an interesting technique and i'm going to try it :-)

I wasn't, but I was in a supportive place and I have some pretty strong mental blocks to suicide to begin with.

Also, one of the memories that I've always held that brought it all back into focus was of my first mother and there's nothing but love there. When I was discovering all of this: literally within the same 20 minutes that I found out there was a strong chance that she was truly actually my mother and that I wasn't just insanely missing some random woman my whole life like I had been told, within those same 20 minutes was when I discovered a physical, documented link between me and an mk doctor that I always hoped was just a nightmare. It was all in the same document. So I had a high to get me through the catatonic low.

Not to use programming speak, meh hell with it...she was the hope at the bottom of pandora's box that brightened up this f'ed up existence.

I do understand what you mean and your right. Its just affected me so much that I feel i need to know exactly what happened and more importantly who was responsible! Hopefully i don't open a can of worms i can't handle. Same here with the Dissociative Disorder but i've never been offically labled that. I was told I have a personality disorder but i link that right up with what happened to me. I don't like therapists but i'm happy it worked for you :-)

Last Edited by TheBridge on 11/12/2012 10:12 AM

the person i am trying to help was mk'ed, however we agree that in modern times, there is not really a need for that kind of programming because it is now done to everyone through media brainwashing...they figured out how to do it to everyone.

i wasn't mk'ed, but, i have this whole other weird story, having to do with advanced dna, ancestry, etc. so i tend to get into the masonic/templar/annunaki stuff....though the annunaki reference i am skeptical of just because i don't know what to think of the whole 'alien' thing...i'm sure it's not what others think or say it is (and that too is a lot of programming/psyop/new-age crap). at least, it isn't what i have EXPERIENCED.

dreams are the spirit's way of communicating with us. as i said, spirit speaks in pictures.

setting intention is really important in dream work...also writing things down. do you keep a journal of your night excursions and/or dreams? perhaps if you wrote down what you remember of the night before it would help you break through...it sounds like you really need to do that...what you describe seems pretty intense and if it were me, i would want that shit to stop, and to feel like i had my SELF back!!! which of course is why you posted this....:P

relying on other people's interpretations of dream symbols is a dubious step...again, try focusing on the feeling around it. i've developed my own dream interpretations, we all have all of our answers within us, it is just a matter of letting go of external influences and attending to our own truths. one symbol can mean many things to different people, and the meanings can change as we evolve them through the work...like dreaming of animals...i do a lot of that and always honor my dream animals as messengers.

Dissociatives often have some really good techniques to pull from if you dig through their toolbox, even if you do avoid their shrinks.
I like their whole getting along, listening to, and acknowledging your other parts bit. I thought it was silly but it really did help get things moving in some regards.

Oh and there are shortcuts once you get going. Reliving every single thing individually is just excruciating. Obviously half of the stuff was blocked because it was painful, so reliving that is just horrible. I find it better to deal with large chunks of multiple memories at a time because it paints a broader picture and loses some of that personal pain edge.

Can of worms is almost guaranteed. That's one thing I can say for sure.

When I first got into therapy I didn't know what I was dealing with, since I didn't remember any of it. It took almost one full year before the first memory came up and I am so so so thankful I had one full year of building up my 'ego' and foundation through therapy so I was strong enough to deal with the details. The event I had to deal with was just devastating...and I couldn't imaging having had to cope with it without the strong foundation I had built. My therapist told me not to worry, that my brain decided it was time.

That being said, as much as the brain keeps you from the memory to protect you, it also recognizes that you are not in full form, so even if you do remember the memory, you won't process it. In my experience, there is a very strong probability that even if you do un-repress it, you will re-repress it again since you would not be equipped to properly cope, integrate it and deal with it.

You don't know exactly what you're dealing with. Know that if your brain decided to repress it, it's because it had to in order to ensure your survival. That's some heady sh*t to deal with, please proceed accordingly.

"
\\ FU little magnet magnet

There were times during my integration that I just wanted to curl up in a hole and die it was so painful. It's not for the faint of heart. Most people are hospitalized during the integration, and many commit suicide because of the pain.

That's why it's so important to not only make sure you're ready, but make sure you have an entire network of help surrounding you.

And be ready for family to turn their back on you. Most childhood trauma is familial, and when you come to the big realization of the source of your trauma, others in your family will NOT want to deal with it because they're not ready. They'll call you delusional, they'll turn their backs on you and even become aggressive...because they need to protect themselves from having to look at this.

Dealing with repressed memories is NOT something to be approached lightly.

I was lucky. I found out they weren't my family the day I started to dig. Haven't spoken to them since. There's really nothing to lose if they never acted like family to begin with.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be perceive a blood bond to abusers.

Thats the situation i'm in and my mother can't deal with it so i've left it because shes old and has been through enough. Her reasoning was, "it happened to him aswell" like that makes it better. I don't think he mind could take what happened so i'm not going there. Well that was when I was tortured, i mentioned it in an earlier post. The 10 seconds in my first post is a diffent situation and in nearly positive its a different person.

^^excuse spelling, written in a hurry^^

My mother used to say the exact same thing! She would also add 'well you got the most attention out of all the kids'. Meaning that in spite of the abuse, I should be the best adjusted. She didn't realize that that's exactly what I got...the most attention. So I was raped and tortured more than the other kids.

That statement should show you that there is no way your mother is ready willing or able to look at this, or take any responsibility or help with your healing. It's probably tied to her own abuse as a child. THAT IS NO EXCUSE, just an explanation.

Make sure to keep yourself safe and surrounded by people who will not hurt you and discount your pain.

i wonder is there any kind of hypnosis or something on youtube to listen to in order to access memories?

Not sure I would trust anyone's brain to youtube.
Just sayin..

But there are plenty of hypnosis scripts out there if someone wanted to make their own unadulterated version.

When you were 3/4 what?

sane?