yes, things are never what they seem, but it seems for me that no matter how much i try to protect my loved one(s), i end up hurting them very badly.

the weight of the pain caused by the pain i inflict upon thise who love me is crushing me.

i feel lost in this evil maze where i am constantly made watch how evil josef fritzle charactar times eternity, tortures my loved one(s), and not only can i not save them and protect them, i am so confused and helpless that i ebd up making them think i am every bit just as evil as the fritzle, and get my kicks from hurting them.

minewhile the truth is i wld gladly erase every trace of myself forever, i wld gladly stay in this hell, in this much pain forever, if i cld just protect mthose who are most prescious to me startung with my eternal husband down to the cat that died a horrible death jsut coz i darred to adop her as a kitten....

i am getting to old for this much pain, it's literally crushing me.