Here, I'll sum up the 'interview' that would have happened:

#1. I am an insider because I was in Hollywood, Oooga Booga Ooga Booga Ooga Booga

#2. I am an insider because I had sex with Lady Gaga but she broke up with me because I wasn't Satanic enough Oooga Booga Oooga Booga Ooooga Booga

#3. I refuse to admit my role in the demorilization of society by playing a drunken sloppy prostitute on television...Ooooga Booga Ooga Boogaaa

#4. The Illuminati is 'like' totally real Ooogity Booogity Boo

#5. The 'others' are like totally out to get me Oooogity Boogity Oooogity Boogity.

#6. Everything you see in Hollywood is 'real' because we are the real insiders and you peons aren't as 'inside' as we are...Oooooga Boooga Ooooga Boooga

#7. The scary scary illuminati is out to get me because I say there name but never reveal ANYTHING about who my handlers are....Oooooga Boooga Oooooga Boooga.

#8. Stargates are like 'totally' real Hollywood rules Ooooga Booooga.

#9. I have to go promote some other shows in Canada for my 'Tila Army' and charge them $25 a ticket to hear all my rants...Oooga Booooga Ooooga Boooga.

#10. I have to change my tampon Oooooga Boooga.

There, that's what you all missed.

Happy?