i dont have the answer
but i know this, scripture will tell us
i pondered the verse
seek God with all your heart mind and soul.
how many hours have you given him over a lifetime ?
how many hours have you given to your job, career, doing the will of the people/machine ?
"do not worry about tomorrow, what you will eat, or what you will wear"
Gods word is "the living word" for those with ears to hear.
you must give him more time than anything else.
when you put him first, and show that you are sincere, then he will reveal himself to you.
comfort you, and provide for you.
it may not always be what you want, but it will be what is Gods will in your life.
Read the book of Job, whenever i feel lifes pain, i always think of Job, or those who have it worse than me.
we are blessed, yes, satan has his time. but remember eternity is forever. don't give up... and please remember;
it is not what goes into your mouth, it is what comes out of your mouth that condemns you. "the word".

when you have done all you can to stand. STAND!!!