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2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7702124
United States
11/17/2012 07:43 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A semi-truck driver carrying a load of bowling balls is driving down an empty highway through the desert, and sees two black guys on the side of the road walking a bicycle. He stops and asks if they need a lift. They accept his offer, but he doesn't have room in the cab so he tells them to hop in the trailer.
Awhile later on the same highway, the trucker passes a state trooper who is training a rookie. The trooper pulls the trucker over to teach the rookie how to do a routine highway truck stop.
The cops get up to the cab and the trucker asks "What's the problem officer?" The officer replies, "No problem, just running the rookie through a routine truck check. Mind if we take a look in the back?"
The trucker agrees, so the cops walk to the back of the truck. The veteran officer cracks open the trailer and takes a peek inside, and slams it shut just as quickly and sprints back his police cruiser and speeds away, leaving the trucker confused.
As they're driving away, the rookie asks the veteran, "What's wrong, why did we get out of there so fast?"
To which the veteran replied,

"That trucker was carrying a load of black eggs, and two of 'em already hatched a stole a bike!"

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17238890



...and an election.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5933997
United States
11/17/2012 07:46 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Why don't you play Uno with mexicans?...




Because they always try to steal the green card

tounge
 Quoting: Seagal5


Racists against mexicans and also the fact that we also only play games with spanish names.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


Comedic insults for all of us, friend.

Aw, our Mexican friends play games with us, not of Spanish language. We also share our jokes, as above. It's always a good time.
 Quoting: Seagal5


Why don't you play Uno with mexicans?...

it was a joke silly, uno is spanish for one


Because they always try to steal the green card

tounge
 Quoting: Seagal5


Racists against mexicans and also the fact that we also only play games with spanish names.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


Comedic insults for all of us, friend.

Aw, our Mexican friends play games with us, not of Spanish language. We also share our jokes, as above. It's always a good time.
 Quoting: Seagal5
NothingFancy

User ID: 20864362
United States
11/17/2012 07:46 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.

After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a redneck!"

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "DeNephew."


tounge
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5933997
United States
11/17/2012 07:48 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
He was joking, uno is spanish for one the #1
2be0rnot2be

User ID: 27644381
United States
11/17/2012 07:54 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
s226
101icu
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27965431
United States
11/17/2012 08:01 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."





The pirate says, "Arrrr, It''s driving me nuts."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1336169
Netherlands
11/17/2012 08:02 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Last week I was driving through town, when all of a sudden I spotted a police car in the mirror. I stepped on the pedal, but could get rid of it, going through town at 90 miles an hour. Went through side streets, crashed market stands, along screaming people, but just couldn't lose them.

Than finally, just when I thought I had succeeded,... road block.

After they pulled me out of my car and slammed me on the hood, the officer asked: "Why the heck did you drive through town like that???"

I said: "Well,... my wife ran off with a police guy last week and I was affraid you were coming to bring her back!"

*disclaimer: No people, police men, market stands or vegetables were harmed in this joke. If however you recognise yourself in this joke, please contact your local S.G.A.U.V.J.P.P.M.V.J.G.L.P (Support Group Against the Use of People, Police men, Market Stands and Vegetables in Jokes on GodLike Productions) or call 0900 -S.G.A.U.V.J.P.P.M.V.J.G.L.P. ($1.60 per minute, plus the use of your mobile phone.)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27711841
United States
11/17/2012 08:06 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.

After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a redneck!"

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "DeNephew."


tounge
 Quoting: NothingFancy



Quintessential GLP uncle post. Well done nothingfancy. Tell the fandango rangers they can have the night off.hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1336169
Netherlands
11/17/2012 08:08 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Last week I was arrested for a comment I made against the mounted police.

I said to this police guy: "What a strange horse!" He asked: "What do you mean?" I replied: "Well, normally the dick is hanging underneath the horse, but with this one it is right on top!"

peace
Ponzi
User ID: 19058299
United States
11/17/2012 08:18 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
The fastest sperm is swimming back, and meets the slower sperm, still trying to get to the egg, and say's "forget it guys, we're in an ass!"

What do ya call a bear with no teeth...a gummy bear
ruxpin

User ID: 25929853
United States
11/17/2012 08:27 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?".
I only believe half of what I read and even half of that is bullshit.
oscillator01

User ID: 1899433
United States
11/17/2012 08:28 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
If 1 out of 10 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the other 9 enjoy it?
‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^›
closing eyes

User ID: 1442470
United States
11/17/2012 08:29 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows??

They're making headlines!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16457740


hahahaha
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19779165


I had to ask three people what that meant before I got it. I'm a dork, that is funny.
If you woke up breathing, you have another chance!
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
11/17/2012 08:30 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Last week I was arrested for a comment I made against the mounted police.

I said to this police guy: "What a strange horse!" He asked: "What do you mean?" I replied: "Well, normally the dick is hanging underneath the horse, but with this one it is right on top!"

peace
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1336169


lolsign

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
closing eyes

User ID: 1442470
United States
11/17/2012 08:44 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
This thread is so funny. I have laughed myself to tears. Thanks Glpers!
If you woke up breathing, you have another chance!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25050963
United States
11/17/2012 08:45 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


Funny how?

Dyslexics have problems with visual cues not an inability to reproduce visual errors as sloemn errors.

Don't give up your day job.

Humor often reveals our conceptions—and misconceptions—of the world, and few psychological conditions are the butt of as many jokes as dyslexia: "I'm an agnostic dyslexic with insomnia. I lay awake all night trying to work out if there really is a Dog." Or: "Dyslexics of the world, untie!"

Yet to people with dyslexia, these jokes aren't especially funny. Not only do they poke fun at people with a serious disability, they also reinforce inaccurate stereotypes of people with a genuine psychological condition and underscore just how distant the public's conception of dyslexia is from reality.


[link to www.psychologicalscience.org]
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


What a sad sad response to a joke. I am a brain damaged (two TBI in quick succession) rapid cycling manic depressive, and I love jokes about nut jobs.

I bet if your attitude gets any worse you will become obsessed with pissing on people's birthday cakes.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27391689
United States
11/17/2012 08:50 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Three blondes walk into a building.
You'd figure the 2nd one would have seen it.
 Quoting: wisc_natureboy


Fuck...I had to read that four times til I got it.
ceawaves

User ID: 27820741
United States
11/17/2012 08:54 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


ummmm...Those were backward talkers.. not dyslexics..


But there was.. this women who got pulled over by a cop..
cop asked did she have any fire arms anywhere in the car?
she said: Yes sir, one in my purse, one in the glove box,
one under this seat, and one strapped on my leg...

Cop asked: What are you afraid of?
She said: Not a damn thing...
Playto19

User ID: 2153952
United States
11/17/2012 08:59 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
The true definition of blood sweat and tears: a woman standing at a kotex machine with a bent quarter.

scream
Only by pride comes contention, but with the well advised wisdom.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25103579
Canada
11/17/2012 09:00 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
dasbier
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1336169
Netherlands
11/17/2012 09:03 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
I asked my friend yesterday: "How tall are penguins?"
He said: "Well, maybe 3 feet max?"
I replied: "Oh damn! Than I must have ran over two nuns on my way home..."

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1336169
Netherlands
11/17/2012 09:06 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Talking about penquins:

Last week I picked up 3 penguins that were walking along the highway.
I went to the nearest gas station and asked what I should do with them.
The attendant said: "Take em to the zoo!"
"Great idea!" I replied and drove off.

Next day I arrived at the same gas station and the attendant noticed the penguins in the back seat.
He said: "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo??"
I replied: "Well, I sure did. They loved it! Today we are going to the beach!"

banana2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27927390
United Kingdom
11/17/2012 09:07 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
What colour does a smurf turn if you strangle it?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26997426
United States
11/17/2012 09:11 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
KO
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3559920
United States
11/17/2012 09:15 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
OK this is true story happend this morning. widows did an upgrade on my laptop last night. This morning I tried to do a spell check on a post I wanted to make and it said it did not support this language. My dyslexia is so bad I thought maybe the spelling was that far off. But no, my puter will not spell check english, anyone know why or how to fix it. I went to spelling options and engish is checked. Somthing went wrong with my auto upgrade.
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/17/2012 09:17 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1246336





AC36....you r funny, hehe! Thanks.
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/17/2012 09:20 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1246336








applause2 applause2



applause2 y_lovin y_tongue
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27928828
United States
11/17/2012 09:20 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Two cows are discussing how to get outside the fence to get to the good grass. A horse walks up and says "well, the best way is to push your nose under the wire and stretch your neck, then nibble away".

One cow looks as the other one and says "What the fuck? A talking horse!"
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/17/2012 09:21 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


Thats a Peter Kay joke, he's funny.
 Quoting: ~Magik~




Never heard of him. Thanks, I'll go google him.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26960085
United States
11/17/2012 09:22 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


Funny how?

Dyslexics have problems with visual cues not an inability to reproduce visual errors as sloemn errors.

Don't give up your day job.

Humor often reveals our conceptions—and misconceptions—of the world, and few psychological conditions are the butt of as many jokes as dyslexia: "I'm an agnostic dyslexic with insomnia. I lay awake all night trying to work out if there really is a Dog." Or: "Dyslexics of the world, untie!"

Yet to people with dyslexia, these jokes aren't especially funny. Not only do they poke fun at people with a serious disability, they also reinforce inaccurate stereotypes of people with a genuine psychological condition and underscore just how distant the public's conception of dyslexia is from reality.


[link to www.psychologicalscience.org]
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


What a sad sad response to a joke. I am a brain damaged (two TBI in quick succession) rapid cycling manic depressive, and I love jokes about nut jobs.

I bet if your attitude gets any worse you will become obsessed with pissing on people's birthday cakes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25050963

I take offense to this joke as well.
We dyslexics are teople poo.

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