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2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1246336
United States
11/17/2012 10:35 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.....then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1246336
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11/17/2012 10:44 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
AFGW
User ID: 21140569
United States
11/17/2012 10:52 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


cruise

You made me laugh, I make you laugh - here a egyptian joke. Saidi's are people from Upper Egypt, the South and we have many jokes about them.

3 Saidis were trying to move the pyramid "Lets go and move the pyramid" after 5 hours they felt tired so they took off their clothes and continued, a thief came and stole their clothes ......
after 10 hours :
one of the Saidis : "COOOOOOL ... we pushed the pyramid for a very long distance".
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27669717


:/ (crickets in the distance)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18018740
Canada
11/17/2012 10:58 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Two blonds are walking down the sidewalk, one of them spies a compact laying on the ground and opens it up. She says" that person looks familiar", the other blond says, "here give me it, you idiot that's me"!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5466351
United States
11/17/2012 11:00 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
hee-tee
 Quoting: AFGW 21140569


This was almost as good as the original joke.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18018740
Canada
11/17/2012 11:02 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
I always liked this one.
One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"

The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1246336
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11/17/2012 11:10 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
" First Place !" said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
" First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Obama?" asked Pinocchio
Gali

User ID: 22789467
United States
11/17/2012 11:14 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27928828
United States
11/17/2012 11:24 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
What is it when one blonde blows into another blondes ear?

DATA TRANSFER.
CE1
*****

User ID: 27881239
United States
11/17/2012 11:31 PM

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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands
Mother Stickers!
This is a Fuck up!
 Quoting: Unit3


Sweet!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25050963
United States
11/17/2012 11:49 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A French Fry goes into a bar and starts to order. But the bartender interrupts him and says "sorry sir but we don't serve food here.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1530596


So right after that a piece rope goes im to a bar to have a drink. Before he can even order the bartender screams at him, "Get the hell out of my bar. You are a damn rope, and I despise ropes. I'll never serve a drink to a damn rope."

Undaunted the rope left, stepped into an alley, tied himself into a big knot, seperated the strands at each end of himself and bushed his two ends into a tangled mess. He then returnd to the bar, ordered a double Glen Livet single malt and grape Koolaid on the rocks. As the bartender was mixing the Koolaid for the drink he suddenly looked up suspiciously and said, "Are you a damned rope?"

The rope replied, "I am afraid not."


(For any Obama supporters tyrying to puzzle out the the punch line I'll just tell you. It is a play on the words, "frayed knot.")
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1156712
Australia
11/17/2012 11:55 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Two cows are discussing how to get outside the fence to get to the good grass. A horse walks up and says "well, the best way is to push your nose under the wire and stretch your neck, then nibble away".

One cow looks as the other one and says "What the fuck? A talking horse!"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27928828


rofl
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3559920
United States
11/17/2012 11:59 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
I'm dyslexic as well, except I have an issue with numbers instead of letters.
 Quoting: Se7en


ya we meet a lot of strangers calling wrong numbers LOL
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27222563
Mexico
11/18/2012 12:04 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
My uncle nearly died because he took an overdose of vitamin c pills, after misreading the following simple instruction on the label:

TAKE ONCE A DAY
Azarona

User ID: 25436018
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11/18/2012 12:35 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
applause2
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door


applause2
 Quoting: The Light Under the Door


What do you get when you cross a parrot and centipeed? A walkie talkie!!!!!!!!
A Citizen

User ID: 15995767
United States
11/18/2012 12:42 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
There is a hysterical take off on the GM OnStar program called BlondeStar. I can't embed it, but it's located at: [link to beemp3.com]

Go to the middle of the left side of the page and you can play and download it. hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18018740
Canada
11/18/2012 02:30 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Probably only Canadians will get this.

In Newfoundland today a small two seat Cessna crashed in to a cemetery, as of this hour 50 bodies have been recovered with more expected to follow.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8640456
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11/18/2012 02:36 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."





The pirate says, "Arrrr, It''s driving me nuts."
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27965431


You made me spit my fruitloops out!
david
User ID: 16910407
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11/18/2012 03:45 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
what do you call two black guys in a cotton field?

antique farm equipment.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27222563
Mexico
11/18/2012 08:57 AM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
My uncle nearly died because he took an overdose of vitamin c pills, after misreading the following simple instruction on the label:

TAKE ONCE A DAY
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


(Once in Spanish = 11)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27706801
Canada
11/18/2012 01:05 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221"



One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too ?'



A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27706801
Canada
11/18/2012 01:17 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.


The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27864709
United States
11/18/2012 01:33 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now older and wiser and am looking for a girl with big tits.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1246336


Ha,Ha,Ha, yep, gotta get back to the basics.
david
User ID: 16910407
United States
11/18/2012 01:44 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
when i die, i want to go like my grandfather.

peacefully, quietly, in bed.

not like the passengers in his car, all screaming and crying
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28009129
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11/18/2012 01:45 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
One Aggie calls another and says "Hey, let's go out tonight and paint the town"

The other Aggie says "Naw, I got a case of diarrhea".

First one says "Well, bring it along and we'll drink it"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27803057
United States
11/18/2012 01:52 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Two morans are walking alongside the train tracks when they find a human leg. The first moran says "That looks like Joe's leg!" The second moran says "That is Joe's leg!"

A little further down, they find a human arm. The first moran says "That looks like Joe's arm!" The second moran says "That is Joe's arm!"

A little further down they find a human head. The first moran says "That looks like Joe's head!" The second moran picks up the head and says "Joe, Joe, are you hurt?!"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1177443
France
11/18/2012 02:24 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
awesome thread thanks all!hfbumphf
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/18/2012 03:40 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
Wow! Great job GLP!!! Proud of you.
Here's to fun cheers


clappa y_lovin



happydance dogpile





cheers
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/18/2012 03:42 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
My uncle nearly died because he took an overdose of vitamin c pills, after misreading the following simple instruction on the label:

TAKE ONCE A DAY
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563


(Once in Spanish = 11)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27222563





LOL! Thanks for clarifying that!

Goofy Thum
Unit3 (OP)

User ID: 9834739
United States
11/18/2012 09:57 PM
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Re: 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout:
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1246336





This cracks me up, LOL!

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