Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15782258
can anyone give some advice i really need to hear some honest advice. Quoting: eve incognito 27803051
any kind of abuse, even if it is only slightly sexually tinted, will open unwanted doors in your psychology. it's ok to explore what's beyond those doors, but please make sure you stay on top of things (pun not intended).
i appreciate the effort, and i wish you could elaborate your opionion a bit.
i don't think you understood properly, i'm pretty heatlhy sexually, the abuse never twisted anything much in me, maybe it got me a little bit more inhibited then i'd liek to be, but alos i was never really in love as much as i am now, so that could be it.
we wernt experimenting with SM, he thought i cheated on him to humiliate him in front of his friends, and he was funrious and he ahd furious, me tarzan u jane sex with me.
it was still scary, very disrepsceful and hurtful, and nother me nor my bf like id very much.
he enver did it before that or after, but i am afraid it will hapen again, enxt time he misunderstands me, and quite honestly it messed me up greatly more than any kind of abuse or hardship i ever experienced in my life.
the thing that makes me think im not well anymore is exactly the fact that i love him.
even after he id that i love him.
but also, given my history of abuse, maybe i am too se3nsitive to stuff.
maybe it wasnt as bad as i think it was.
he was wrong to do it i am not excusing his behaviour but maybe some woman who was never raped wld understand that her bf is a very passionate man, he was hurt and angry and he took things too far, but he didn't hit me, or humiliate me, he was just furious, acting macho and not considered of the fact that his huge penis will do internat damage if he keeps on thrusting that ahrd.
i was scared and naturally couldnt climax, but he dint like what he was doing so he cldnt to, whcih only prolonged my agony...
i remmebr myself saying would you please cum, i am starting to hurt, and i proceded to beg him to cum, not coz i was scyred he'd hurt me but coz i knew he had to be mad and obviously that made him not careful about his penis and frankly it was starting to hrt a bit, but i was determined to stick it out, coz he obviously had this ened to man handle me and get it out of his system
again, he wasnt abusive, he was jsut not very careful and i couldve stopped him but i never attempted to stop him i knew he msutve been feeling awful thinkkinh his own gf got her kicks out of humiliating him, so i wanted him to just have an orgasm, see that this will not make him feel better, or fix anything and realize we have to work things out in anone aggressive manner.
but he cldnt come or he dint want to do it before i did, and i cldnt coz i was scared, sdo it prolonged everything a bit and ended up a total catastrophy.
he dint rape me or anything, or abuse me, he just let his pride get the best of him.
i am not defending him but he is 27 years old, he was 26 at the time and he was manipulated by people older than him and less passionate but more calculated, into thinking that he isnt aplha enough with me and thats why i cheated.
ia m not defending him, but 26 year old people are still people of the heart, they did not learn yet that they have no freinds in this world and my bf took some very bad advice from a man who was supposetly his best friend, but in reality lied to him coz he wanted me to break up with my bf coz he wanted to sleep with me.
since then my bf learend he didnt have a freind in this man and made some new freinds with decent men...
do u still think i should leave him?