come on people, help me out here.

my bf thought i cheated on him and he wnt a bit temporarily insane, and made me have this really rough, distasteful, painful sex with him, that brought up only memories of abuse in me, i couldn't stop him, coz he literally physically forced me to do so, and he wasn't beating me or anything it's just that he has a huge penis, so unless he is realyl careful he will be ramking against my cervix a lot causing pain and bleeding.

it was the single most horryfying experiance of my life, it broke me down completely, i was stunned that he is capable of being this cruel and concerend more with how bad he will look in other people's eyes that his gf cheated on him, then with the fact that he was hurting me, and bringing up some really nasty memories of the times i was raped.

anyway he is really sorry now, he handled it so badly, and wants to get back together,he also found out that i never cheated on him, it was only something i pretended to do for rreasons people here cannot understand sicne it's complicated and pesronal.

the fact that i still lvoe my bf more than anyone in this world, and am willing to try and work it out makes me worry that maybe it finally happened, maybe the people that raped me and t ried to make me sick have finally won, maybe my bf hurt me so badly that i now do not care about being normal, only about being wt him..


we have had sex recently and it was fine, he is not a sick man, but the fact that he thought he can fuck me into submission if i was cheating on him, the fact that i am now scared to ask him for a light spanking, or anything a bit iteresting and kinky in bed for fear of him again losing his t emper and becoming this crazy man and hurting me, and i still want to work on the relationship WORRIES ME.

can anyone give some advice i really need to hear some honest advice.