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Message Subject My wife is reading 50 Shades of Gray. Your thoughts...
Poster Handle eve
Post Content
can anyone give some advice i really need to hear some honest advice.
 Quoting: eve incognito 27803051

any kind of abuse, even if it is only slightly sexually tinted, will open unwanted doors in your psychology. it's ok to explore what's beyond those doors, but please make sure you stay on top of things (pun not intended).
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15782258


i appreciate the effort, and i wish you could elaborate your opionion a bit.

i don't think you understood properly, i'm pretty heatlhy sexually, the abuse never twisted anything much in me, maybe it got me a little bit more inhibited then i'd liek to be, but alos i was never really in love as much as i am now, so that could be it.

we wernt experimenting with SM, he thought i cheated on him to humiliate him in front of his friends, and he was funrious and he ahd furious, me tarzan u jane sex with me.

it was still scary, very disrepsceful and hurtful, and nother me nor my bf like id very much.

he enver did it before that or after, but i am afraid it will hapen again, enxt time he misunderstands me, and quite honestly it messed me up greatly more than any kind of abuse or hardship i ever experienced in my life.

the thing that makes me think im not well anymore is exactly the fact that i love him.
even after he id that i love him.

but also, given my history of abuse, maybe i am too se3nsitive to stuff.

maybe it wasnt as bad as i think it was.

he was wrong to do it i am not excusing his behaviour but maybe some woman who was never raped wld understand that her bf is a very passionate man, he was hurt and angry and he took things too far, but he didn't hit me, or humiliate me, he was just furious, acting macho and not considered of the fact that his huge penis will do internat damage if he keeps on thrusting that ahrd.

i was scared and naturally couldnt climax, but he dint like what he was doing so he cldnt to, whcih only prolonged my agony...

i remmebr myself saying would you please cum, i am starting to hurt, and i proceded to beg him to cum, not coz i was scyred he'd hurt me but coz i knew he had to be mad and obviously that made him not careful about his penis and frankly it was starting to hrt a bit, but i was determined to stick it out, coz he obviously had this ened to man handle me and get it out of his system

again, he wasnt abusive, he was jsut not very careful and i couldve stopped him but i never attempted to stop him i knew he msutve been feeling awful thinkkinh his own gf got her kicks out of humiliating him, so i wanted him to just have an orgasm, see that this will not make him feel better, or fix anything and realize we have to work things out in anone aggressive manner.

but he cldnt come or he dint want to do it before i did, and i cldnt coz i was scared, sdo it prolonged everything a bit and ended up a total catastrophy.

he dint rape me or anything, or abuse me, he just let his pride get the best of him.

i am not defending him but he is 27 years old, he was 26 at the time and he was manipulated by people older than him and less passionate but more calculated, into thinking that he isnt aplha enough with me and thats why i cheated.

ia m not defending him, but 26 year old people are still people of the heart, they did not learn yet that they have no freinds in this world and my bf took some very bad advice from a man who was supposetly his best friend, but in reality lied to him coz he wanted me to break up with my bf coz he wanted to sleep with me.

since then my bf learend he didnt have a freind in this man and made some new freinds with decent men...

do u still think i should leave him?
 Quoting: eve 27803051



Sounds like he has trust issues. Trust is pretty hard to gain especially when something in their past prevents them from trusting others( I remember when I found out one of my past exes cheated, it took a while to trust another woman again). As for the sex, thats pretty odd that he does that and you're actually putting up with it. Him seeing you put up with it means that he can do it as much as he wants. Have you tried telling him "hey this needs to stop" ?

I'd leave the guy, but you love him, so that puts you in a tough spot.
 Quoting: reptarjr


he doesn't do it. he did it once, under very very strange circumstances....
ur right about trust issues, only itps not him i had trust issues when i met him.

i was running away from very bad people, i had bee married prior to meeting my bf and the guy i was married to abused me.

so i was still very sensitive and in a wierd place when i met my bf....

this is exactly my dilemma here....

was i overreacting to what my bf did, coz i asceped from an abusive spouse and was afraid that my bf is exactly like my ex...

or did i just lose my faculties a bit after everything...
actually no i didnt lose my faculites, my faculties are all in place....

I JUST LOVE HIM; abdul, that' his name....

i cannot imagine what my life wld look like without him....

but what if we try again and next time someone is after me, coz i do not know if there are still people out there from the mafia that was after me....what happens next time my husband cant understand why im acting strange...

will he again procede to hurt me....

he was really nasty to me....he told me i was ugly, old

(and i am older than him, and in all honesty less atractive then him)

i was stunned and confused after the rough sex i said u raped me ??? coz i wasnt sure if he was attepmting to rape me or what the hell was he thinking..

he said ur ugly old why wld i rape u look at urself look at me....

it was really quite bad at the time....

now he says he dint mean it...that he doesnt say stuff he means when angry, but quite the opposite of what he really means....

but i was left with the feeling that it was exceptionally cruel of him, since he was younger and better looking to point that out in such a cruel manner....

i mean i know what i look like...and i see what he looks like....i know he is both younger and better looking....

i just thought it wasnt that important if people love each other....

but once ur younger better looking bf calls u and ugly bitch, u start wondering if he really thinks so but only says it when mad, or maybe he was jsut very hurt...

still...if i was better looking i cld understand him saying that knowing that i was pretty so it was ok to swing such cheap shots....but in reality i am not that pretty....

so he jsut pointed out the facts, that i am not that pretty....
i'd never call an ugly person ugly....
that is jsut low.....

sometimes if im angry i can call a pretty person ugly, coz nobody likes to be called ugly, but pretty people can get over it....

but he basically called his ugly gf ugly, now that is exceptionally cruel....

i have a mirror i know im not that attractive, but i make up for it with great personality and very alive spirit....still....

who calls an ugly person ugly, even if they are abgry...that is jsut too cruel for school....

any thoughts?
 
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