Hi!
Let me try to help. Stay with me here and I’ll try to explain. To believe in God, the God of the Holy Bible (not any other book), Jesus is the key to unlocking exactly what you seem to be asking. Going to church does not get you brownie points into heaven. Your good deeds do not get you to heaven.

God is perfect in every way. He is holy, pure, righteous and just. Man is not. In fact God’s Word says that we are imperfect (we’re born that way) and we ourselves cannot get to him. Sounds like an impossible God, doesn’t it?

In fact, God says that if you break any of His laws it is as if you have broken them all. If you have told just one lie in your lifetime, you have broken His law. That’s one tough God!!!

But man is born imperfect and we tend to try to attain perfection ourselves in order to achieve some higher level of, I don’t know the word, conscience. A “religious experience” if you will. All other religions of the world require YOU to DO something to get to god. The God of the Holy Bible tells you there is NOTHING you can do yourself to get to him.

This is what trips most people up. Jesus.

Imagine if you were in court being charged with a crime right now. And you know you are about to be sentenced and fined for it. Imagine the kind of person who would stand up in the courtroom and say, “Your Honor, don’t send this man to jail. Whatever the penalty he owes for the crimes he committed, let me pay the amount necessary so that he can go free.”

Maybe you have known of a person or two in your life who has really stuck by you or offered an enormously generous and selfless gesture toward you because they were kindhearted and loved like that. You were probably very grateful and thought well of that person.

Jesus paid the penalty for your transgression of God’s law.

Many people are offended by this for many reasons, mostly, it seems, because they would rather believe that God is who they THINK he is. But in keeping that concept of God we break the first two commandments already. God tells us not to have any other gods, nor are we to make up an idol, which is what we do when we make him out to be who we want him to be. If we could do that he wouldn’t be much of a strong god. We would still be the ruler of our god, our concept of who we want him to be.

We need a god we can truly lean on. How can we make up our own god when we are constantly failing at living successfully in one way or another….

Here’s good news. God says that without faith it is impossible to please him. But to him who diligently seeks him, He rewards. That is Hebrews 11:6. That reward is an internal change from the inside out! God tells us that he renews our spirit…a true inward change that happens(here’s the first of many miracles!).

I could say to you right now “just trust in Jesus and ask him to come into your heart and forgive your sins and make you a new person” which is all you have to do. The problem is that it is not the words of the prayer that “saves” you.

It is a true inner leading to come to Christ.

There is a great website that you can use to download Bibles and commentary, etc. It is called e-sword.com
Maybe, if you feel led, ask God to lead you to know truth about him. Begin to read about him. Then wait for him, don’t rush him. He is God, we are not. Spend a moment with yourself to know whether you are honest in your prayer. When you feel led, right now, or later, the above simple little prayer to the Lord is all you need.

Talk to Him.

He really is there waiting for you to accept that he has already made a way for you to come to him!

And, in diligently searching His Word and studying, His Word explains what we think is contradictory. I don't know everything, for sure, no one does. But he hasn't failed me yet! Wow, talk about one epiphany after another sometimes when those questions are answered!