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Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?

 
MALACHI
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:16 AM
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Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
"There is a heaviness weighing hard upon my chest;
So much love and longing.
Short of breath and gasping for air,
This feeling of emptiness – so thick it’s suffocating.
The silence overwhelms me;
Her sweet voice, her joyous laughter –
It echoes throughout the canyons of my heart;
Drifting further and further away.
The ground gives way beneath my feet;
I frantically grasp at the crag and rock – but to no avail.
Am I falling? Or floating? Or flying?
My heart sinks but my soul is soaring.
Time stands still as the clouds fly past me.
I could fall for the rest of my life;
More deeply and madly in love with each passing day,
The second hand of the clock reminds me of her beating heart,
I try to align myself with the inhalation and exhalation of her breath.
I breathe in, imagining she is doing the same.
I breathe out, is she thinking of me?
Twenty seven seconds pass on the clock.
I try to count the heartbeats.
I lose track and my thoughts turn to the lilies of the field,
I wonder if they feel the same heartache and gut wrenching sadness,
When the sun retires to its place for the night;
And they are left alone in the dark, without its warming heat and love.
Do the sands of the shore cry out for the tide,
When the waters recede and return from whence they came?
Do the leaves of the tree lament?
Are they tossing and turning, in mourning from the fall –
Yearning to find themselves once again in their lovers arms?
They say home is where the heart is,
So my home will forever be with her.
During these periods of inevitable separation,
Of seemingly immeasurable distance,
I will be a wanderer, a vagrant.
Finding my home away from home,
In a familiar song, In the smell of her on my clothes,
In the scratches across my back that read like writing upon the wall,
Like love letters written in cryptic code that only my eyes can see,
That only my heart can decipher.
Though this heaviness feels at times unbearable,
And each breath feels like pins and needles,
And every second I’m away from her feels like an eternity,
Still, I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world.
It is her love that gives me life, that gives me strength,
That grants me peace.
I know that just as the sun shines forth at each new dawn,
Just as the flowers bloom in the spring,
Just as the trees stretch out their branches at the return of the light,
I will find myself once again,
Basking in her eternal, luminous glow.
They say the best things in life are worth the wait,
So I will be patient,
As I await the return of my beloved."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1212477
United States
11/20/2012 06:20 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
If you feel that way then STFU and just put a ring on it.
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:22 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
If you feel that way then STFU and just put a ring on it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1212477


In due time.

Her brother informed me that no one has ever written anything for her so while she's away visiting her kiddos for Thanksgiving I wanted to prepare a few little tokens of my love and appreciation to give her when she gets back.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1212477
United States
11/20/2012 06:24 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
If you feel that way then STFU and just put a ring on it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1212477


In due time.

Her brother informed me that no one has ever written anything for her so while she's away visiting her kiddos for Thanksgiving I wanted to prepare a few little tokens of my love and appreciation to give her when she gets back.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


Well alright then. So long as your are not screwing over another decent girl just for someone to have sex with until you dump her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28132970
Japan
11/20/2012 06:25 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Is she gen Y? Then she'll be like "TLDR, let's fuck."
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:27 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
If you feel that way then STFU and just put a ring on it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1212477


In due time.

Her brother informed me that no one has ever written anything for her so while she's away visiting her kiddos for Thanksgiving I wanted to prepare a few little tokens of my love and appreciation to give her when she gets back.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


Well alright then. So long as your are not screwing over another decent girl just for someone to have sex with until you dump her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1212477


Absolutely not. My loyalty, commitment and dedication will always lay solely with her.
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:28 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Is she gen Y? Then she'll be like "TLDR, let's fuck."
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28132970


No, she actually has a brain and loves to read.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28132970
Japan
11/20/2012 06:29 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Is she gen Y? Then she'll be like "TLDR, let's fuck."
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28132970


No, she actually has a brain and loves to read.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


You are with a good one then.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 06:30 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
girls like things like that, but there is a fine line between ballsy and impressing a girl and just being flat out cheesy and cliché.

that poem is a prime example of cheesy and cliché.

so if you are really going to show your 'gf' that poem, please tell me you are thinking about marrying her, because if you aren't then that poem just seems like some cliché high school garbage.

trust me, poems are good if they are written good and if they don't push any boundaries.

spewing love out of almost every sentence is flat out lame.

you're not bob dylan and unless you are some sort of musician, I suggest you don't show that to her...
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:31 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Is she gen Y? Then she'll be like "TLDR, let's fuck."
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28132970


No, she actually has a brain and loves to read.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


You are with a good one then.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28132970




You could say that again!

<3
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 06:32 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and don't get me wrong, I love poetry and I even love writing it sometimes because I'm good, but...

I would never show it to any girls unless I was piss drunk or I really really really really really

really really liked her. and KNEW she felt exactly the same way.
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:33 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
girls like things like that, but there is a fine line between ballsy and impressing a girl and just being flat out cheesy and cliché.

that poem is a prime example of cheesy and cliché.

so if you are really going to show your 'gf' that poem, please tell me you are thinking about marrying her, because if you aren't then that poem just seems like some cliché high school garbage.

trust me, poems are good if they are written good and if they don't push any boundaries.

spewing love out of almost every sentence is flat out lame.

you're not bob dylan and unless you are some sort of musician, I suggest you don't show that to her...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Um, actually we both are.

Thanks for the cheesy and cliche shitty feedback.
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:35 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and don't get me wrong, I love poetry and I even love writing it sometimes because I'm good, but...

I would never show it to any girls unless I was piss drunk or I really really really really really

really really liked her. and KNEW she felt exactly the same way.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Well, really really really really really really really liking her would be the understatement of the fucking century. LOL!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 06:38 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
girls like things like that, but there is a fine line between ballsy and impressing a girl and just being flat out cheesy and cliché.

that poem is a prime example of cheesy and cliché.

so if you are really going to show your 'gf' that poem, please tell me you are thinking about marrying her, because if you aren't then that poem just seems like some cliché high school garbage.

trust me, poems are good if they are written good and if they don't push any boundaries.

spewing love out of almost every sentence is flat out lame.

you're not bob dylan and unless you are some sort of musician, I suggest you don't show that to her...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Um, actually we both are.

Thanks for the cheesy and cliche shitty feedback.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


like i'm going to spend more than 5 minutes of my time reading and analyzing some wannabe musicians shitty poem?

good luck sir

I wish you and your girl the best, love is freakin complicated.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 06:40 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and my bad if I offended you, to tell the truth I only read like 2 lines out of that

but as soon as I saw love I said "oh it's one of those poems."

i'm sure it's actually alright I just don't really like the subject matter
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:40 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
girls like things like that, but there is a fine line between ballsy and impressing a girl and just being flat out cheesy and cliché.

that poem is a prime example of cheesy and cliché.

so if you are really going to show your 'gf' that poem, please tell me you are thinking about marrying her, because if you aren't then that poem just seems like some cliché high school garbage.

trust me, poems are good if they are written good and if they don't push any boundaries.

spewing love out of almost every sentence is flat out lame.

you're not bob dylan and unless you are some sort of musician, I suggest you don't show that to her...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Um, actually we both are.

Thanks for the cheesy and cliche shitty feedback.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


like i'm going to spend more than 5 minutes of my time reading and analyzing some wannabe musicians shitty poem?

good luck sir

I wish you and your girl the best, love is freakin complicated.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Sounds like someone is jaded.
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:42 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and my bad if I offended you, to tell the truth I only read like 2 lines out of that

but as soon as I saw love I said "oh it's one of those poems."

i'm sure it's actually alright I just don't really like the subject matter
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Okay, well when someone pours all their heart, all their soul and the very core of their being into something USUALLY the non-asshole thing to do would be to NOT insult them calling their work 'shitty' or implying they are some two-bit hack 'wannabe' musician. Just for future reference. You seem like the type that cringes and scowls at couples who hold hands in public.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 06:51 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and my bad if I offended you, to tell the truth I only read like 2 lines out of that

but as soon as I saw love I said "oh it's one of those poems."

i'm sure it's actually alright I just don't really like the subject matter
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Okay, well when someone pours all their heart, all their soul and the very core of their being into something USUALLY the non-asshole thing to do would be to NOT insult them calling their work 'shitty' or implying they are some two-bit hack 'wannabe' musician. Just for future reference. You seem like the type that cringes and scowls at couples who hold hands in public.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


I might be kind of irritable cuz I haven't had a cigarette in a while, but...

pouring your heart into something doesn't automatically make it good, it just makes it full of effort and good intentions

and maybe that was an asshole move on my part, but sometimes that's what a lot of people need in there lives...

when you have a bunch of people telling you something is black when it's really white you'll go no where in life because you're seeing an illusion.

but what I am even talking about, this is poetry right?

and just to let you know, i'm not the type that cringes and scowls at couples in public, I'm the type that cringes and scowls at bullshit.

as in, oh look at that tool, she's acting all nice and holding his hand and treating him good because she needs a ride home and some money to go shopping.

bullshit is what I scowl at
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28087028
Australia
11/20/2012 06:54 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
"Basking in her eternal, luminous glow.
They say the best things in life are worth the wait,
So I will be patient,
As I await the return of my beloved"

Your GF may hate it, but seeing how it's really a love song to satan and about you selling your soul, I think he /she will like it. Btw I hope you got a good deal cause if that's how satan inspires you , you may want to renegotiate the contract
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/20/2012 06:55 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
"Basking in her eternal, luminous glow.
They say the best things in life are worth the wait,
So I will be patient,
As I await the return of my beloved"

Your GF may hate it, but seeing how it's really a love song to satan and about you selling your soul, I think he /she will like it. Btw I hope you got a good deal cause if that's how satan inspires you , you may want to renegotiate the contract
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28087028


this is why I love this forum
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:56 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and my bad if I offended you, to tell the truth I only read like 2 lines out of that

but as soon as I saw love I said "oh it's one of those poems."

i'm sure it's actually alright I just don't really like the subject matter
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Okay, well when someone pours all their heart, all their soul and the very core of their being into something USUALLY the non-asshole thing to do would be to NOT insult them calling their work 'shitty' or implying they are some two-bit hack 'wannabe' musician. Just for future reference. You seem like the type that cringes and scowls at couples who hold hands in public.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


I might be kind of irritable cuz I haven't had a cigarette in a while, but...

pouring your heart into something doesn't automatically make it good, it just makes it full of effort and good intentions

and maybe that was an asshole move on my part, but sometimes that's what a lot of people need in there lives...

when you have a bunch of people telling you something is black when it's really white you'll go no where in life because you're seeing an illusion.

but what I am even talking about, this is poetry right?

and just to let you know, i'm not the type that cringes and scowls at couples in public, I'm the type that cringes and scowls at bullshit.

as in, oh look at that tool, she's acting all nice and holding his hand and treating him good because she needs a ride home and some money to go shopping.

bullshit is what I scowl at
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


I'm sure there's a lot of illusions you might see with your head lodged so firmly up your ass.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11061563
Canada
11/20/2012 06:57 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Lol you have women all wrong

when she reads it she will be like "oh fuck this is long, ill just skim read it to make him happy"

Keep it short and simple boy.
MALACHI (OP)
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United States
11/20/2012 06:57 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
"Basking in her eternal, luminous glow.
They say the best things in life are worth the wait,
So I will be patient,
As I await the return of my beloved"

Your GF may hate it, but seeing how it's really a love song to satan and about you selling your soul, I think he /she will like it. Btw I hope you got a good deal cause if that's how satan inspires you , you may want to renegotiate the contract
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28087028


1doh1
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 06:58 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Lol you have women all wrong

when she reads it she will be like "oh fuck this is long, ill just skim read it to make him happy"

Keep it short and simple boy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11061563


Yeah, not sure why so many people assume she must be some ignorant fuck that can't read a page worth of a poem that someone took the time to carefully write out just for her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11061563
Canada
11/20/2012 07:00 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Lol you have women all wrong

when she reads it she will be like "oh fuck this is long, ill just skim read it to make him happy"

Keep it short and simple boy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11061563


Yeah, not sure why so many people assume she must be some ignorant fuck that can't read a page worth of a poem that someone took the time to carefully write out just for her.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


If I were a girl I wouldn't read any of your psycho shit.

If I were married for 20 years I still wouldn't read that, common man women are like men on the inside.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 07:05 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and my bad if I offended you, to tell the truth I only read like 2 lines out of that

but as soon as I saw love I said "oh it's one of those poems."

i'm sure it's actually alright I just don't really like the subject matter
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


Okay, well when someone pours all their heart, all their soul and the very core of their being into something USUALLY the non-asshole thing to do would be to NOT insult them calling their work 'shitty' or implying they are some two-bit hack 'wannabe' musician. Just for future reference. You seem like the type that cringes and scowls at couples who hold hands in public.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


I might be kind of irritable cuz I haven't had a cigarette in a while, but...

pouring your heart into something doesn't automatically make it good, it just makes it full of effort and good intentions

and maybe that was an asshole move on my part, but sometimes that's what a lot of people need in there lives...

when you have a bunch of people telling you something is black when it's really white you'll go no where in life because you're seeing an illusion.

but what I am even talking about, this is poetry right?

and just to let you know, i'm not the type that cringes and scowls at couples in public, I'm the type that cringes and scowls at bullshit.

as in, oh look at that tool, she's acting all nice and holding his hand and treating him good because she needs a ride home and some money to go shopping.

bullshit is what I scowl at
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28097479


I'm sure there's a lot of illusions you might see with your head lodged so firmly up your ass.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


oh stop it, I like how you have absolutely nothing intelligent to say so you resort to insulting me.

you want my real opinion?

maybe your poem sounds good to you, because well, you wrote it and "poured your heart out."

but to me, it sounds just like every other love poem I have been forced to read in my life.

there is absolutely nothing original about it

just pretentious words and boring metaphors/similes filled with a general theme that every other cheesy love poem has...

the "oh my god you're so special I would die without you :'("

get real
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/20/2012 07:07 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and while it is difficult to be original with a lame love poem, it's very possible

I've done it, it's not that hard, especially if your heart is in it.

I recommend you a gram of weed and an empty room...

probably a little bit of vodka too..
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/20/2012 07:07 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
and while it is difficult to be original with a lame love poem, it's very possible

I've done it, it's not that hard, especially if your heart is in it.

I recommend you a gram of weed and an empty room...

probably a little bit of vodka too..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28097479
United States
11/20/2012 07:09 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
Lol you have women all wrong

when she reads it she will be like "oh fuck this is long, ill just skim read it to make him happy"

Keep it short and simple boy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11061563


Yeah, not sure why so many people assume she must be some ignorant fuck that can't read a page worth of a poem that someone took the time to carefully write out just for her.
 Quoting: MALACHI 27724247


If I were a girl I wouldn't read any of your psycho shit.

If I were married for 20 years I still wouldn't read that, common man women are like men on the inside.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11061563


lololol
Anonymous Coward
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11/20/2012 07:09 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
malachi


your poem is stirring and evoked a tenderness in my heart....


I dream of a connection like this.... i have HOPE that maybe someday it will be


But I also wanted to say... Your poem also reminded me of those written for Christ's mother, Mary. She could fit into this equation



It is a beautiful art and you have crowned it with your flowing loving words

be LOVE
MALACHI (OP)
User ID: 27724247
United States
11/20/2012 07:11 AM
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Re: Ladies who appreciate poetry? Think my GF will like this poem I wrote her?
malachi


your poem is stirring and evoked a tenderness in my heart....


I dream of a connection like this.... i have HOPE that maybe someday it will be


But I also wanted to say... Your poem also reminded me of those written for Christ's mother, Mary. She could fit into this equation



It is a beautiful art and you have crowned it with your flowing loving words

be LOVE
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1898146


Well, my Beloved is a Virgo and a very wonderful and blessed Mother as well so how strikingly apropos. Thank you, friend!

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