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love letter

 
eve
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/20/2012 08:39 PM
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love letter
dear everything,

i never meant to say 'our love was gone now', in front of all the immature, hostile, dick-brained people you work with, it was just easier to explain part of the situation i am in to complete strangers, smart, mature people you work with, in order to pick their brains....

i hope you see know, how your pride wasn't worth hurting me, especiall since i never set out to hurt your pride, but if you still doubt, i apologize, in front of all the idiots and smart people that will be reading this.

this is not why i am writing to you.

i want to tell you something, something i told you many times before i had found out what really happened in solna...
and then i did find out and stopped saying it, started saying stuff like,
'we can't work this out', or
'i'm not sure i we can get through this.'

i used to tell you,
"u have done nothing worong",
a lot...

then i discovered, how you made me feel like you didn't love me,
and that destroyed me completely....

i forget something though, it all started with me pretending not to like you, then doing whatever disgusting thing i can come up with to prove to you that i couldn't possibly love you, and that i was the world's most disgusting person.

i was not humiliated when you decided to man handle me, fuck me in a macho, 'me tarzan you jane way'.
coz there is nothing wrong with your man being wrong once in a while, and mixing anger and passion, and any woman that loves her man as much as i love you, can stick it out, juste let her man get it out of his system....
i was determined to just take my 'punishemen't as lovingly as i could, coz after all there wasn't anything truelly sick about it, you are not that kind of a man'

it was even quite sexy, in a slightly disturbing, he should not be doing this when he is this mad', way...

so there was no humiliation, and had we been a couple that had the luxury of getting to know each other a bit, it would all be pretty ok as soon as you were done, and i really did understand how i just pushed you where no loving spouses should push each other.


but i got scared.
i got scared to death...

i dind't know at the time, what kind of man have you become, all i knew i pushed you to outer limits...
i was worried you'll hit me, and prove his point, that you were not much better than him...

see, it's not ok that your friends think a man should only protect women from his physical superiority if women are good to the men...that makes them exactly the same as the fitzle.

he specifically told me not to sleep with you, what i did was a great sin, in his eyes.
so he thinks it's ok whatever he did to me, i asked for it.

just like your ex friend, the one that grew up thinking he looks like an ape, thinks it's ok that he slapped me, coz he thought i was into that and asking for it, not even knowing that this reviels only a lot about him, and nothing about me.

but, i don't have to waste time explaining all this to you, do i?

you are the smartes man i know.

so i was worried sick, coz i though, i could not survive to find out that you are like him.

that you would hit me coz i sinned.

i was so scared.
i didn't shout 'don't hurt me' coz i was scared for my life, i was begging you not to be like him, not to kill me in ways much worse than suicide ever was...

i was planning to kill myself, soon, after i go far enough so it couldn't be connected to you, and i cldnt be strong enough to face the fritzle, and say no to him, if i was thinking you were not much better than him...

i was ok, to put up with a little pain and bleeding, after all this is what love does, we tolarate each other's mistakes, or sometimes even furious mistakes, but i didn't know you, and that made me worried sick....

i was to go to the fritzle, soon enoough, and tell him NO, and he would say, you are still siding with a guy who beat you up, and mocked the way you look.

there wouldn't be much of me left if i had found out that you became a human coz i screwed up, and you became the kind of human that awful ex friend of yours is, or any disgusting ones...
so i was teriffied, and obviously very confused and angry soon enough....

all this is grand, i have every right to listen to lisa stansfiled and cry, and feel hurt, but i am forgetting one thing....

you were terrified...terriefied of the same thing i was so terrified of....
you had not way of knowing what i was doing nasty stuff out of love and concern for you, and it sure didn't seem that way...
yes your ego was hurt, yes your pride got the best of you, but only coz your heart was broken...
coz i was proving you moment by moment that i have become that person, the not much better than the fritzle person...

you're not possessive baby, or weak and insecure in your manhood.
don't let anyone tell you this, coz they are not even close to right.

you are a gorgeous man with the most beautiful big penis in the world and even bigger brain.

you would not have problems chucking out a nasty bitch that got her kicks out of humiliating you in front of people.you would not have any problem at all moving on and leaving her be, without the slightes sign of agression.
without even as muich as feeling sorry for her.
you are very healthy and mature in your sexuality and your manhood. i will vouch for that, always.

but it was me.
the nasty evil sadistic bitch was me.
that was the problem...

even if you wanted, you can't not love me.

you can't walk away....

i know coz that is how i feel about you.
i can say stuff i don't mean.
i can lie to myself and say, well there are lovely men that i don't have complicated history withm that i can go on dates on...maybe just maybe...
no maybe, no dates, no waling away from you, i just can't

but living like two rabid puppies isn't an option either,it stops right here and now, i cannot watch us hurt each other anymore...
so i have to, we have to work it out...

especially since you haven't done anythign wrong.

i was hitting you, not literally, coz i'm not stronger than you, so my hitting doesn't come up to the same level of meaness and disgustyness as if you'd hit me, but i was hitting you where it hurts a man the worst...

i was humiliating you in front of other, and to make things even worse not a very smart, shallow men

you knew your 'friend' was stupid and shallow, granted not as nasty as he has shown when faced with a woman he felt inferior to, but you knew he can't possibly help himself but gloat that i was humiliating you. that i was this kind of stupid imbecil, the kind of not even he can be...

unlike my fear that you might turn out to be as bad as the frizle, you had proof i was.

i gave you proof.

and you could see i was running from some kind of psychopathic training, and had benn cuttting my own hair.
it was not hard to believe i was just this twisted and gone...

and it broke your heart, and it broke you brain, and you were comepletely out of your mind...

yet all you could think of, after you'd vent a bit, was that there had to be a way for you to fix me, no matter how bad it was you will fix me.

you had to try, and failing was not an option.

abdul, you are the sexiest man alive, and you have done nothing wrong.

i was weak, thin.

my patiance, my strenght, my resolve. my ability to understand and forgive things i knew were said but not meant was worn down and thin.

i got scared that he was right that he knew you better than i did, and i wld rather have my memory erased then face that.
and you faced it, and you said 'it's ok, i understand, i'll fix you.'

i'll fix you, you nasty, ugly, crazy woman.

i'll fix you coz i love you.

and i was weak in another respec too, i wasn't sure if you'd turn out to be nasty, that i wldn't kill you...
not kill you kill you, but fall into their hands again and just not find enough strenght in me to resist them anymore, so i wanted you out of my head, so they can't find you there, and i can't find memories of our misunderstandings.

LOL, this crakcs me up, do i look anywhere near the streght of such strong being as yourself.

i couldn't kill you even if i hated you, i am not stronger than you.

but, what kind of love is it, if i couldn't say the same you said?

if i couldn't say, it's ok, you just beat me up, but i will fix you, coz i love u.

i don't care if the smart people in your office say we are disturbed, and i don't care if they have a point.
we are not nearly disturbed enough to compare to some of the people that do 'disturbed' for kicks.
at least, i am disturbed for Love.
from now on, i am allowed to be as disturbed as - to get through anything you do - and say, it is ok, we are getting through this.

not that i will ever have to worry about physical violance, if you din't hit me in solna, those three days, it's pretty safe to say you never will=), but here will be other things as years go by.

we were wrong to erase my memory...
thinking that wld be a good idea.
i don't know myself very well it seems, i thought i could forget you....

i could never forget you...

i also do not forget when someone abused me, and i consider the way i was treated in detention in gavle, before i was sent to BiH abuse...

so i had two memories, a memory of you and a memory that i was abused to a point i wanted to gauge my eyes out...
i alos had a broken heart, i was in more pain than ever in my life, i was broken down and having meltdowns.

i had a meltdown over seeing a police station,
holding a cup of coffee, arriving at solna reception unit, looking at a door,
huge meltdown over the fact that the door was locked
meltdown over a bike, a table....
i found mysef sitting, wheeping and shouting, singing love songs in the middle of a country i just got into, next to a building i never saw before on a bench i never sat on and could have sworn that right there on that bench i left everything that ever mattered and that i should be dead now
how the hell am i alive.

give me back my memories, and don't worry, the most painful thing about my total recal will be things i put you through, not things you have done to me.

i had this flashback, that made me write this letter.

it was of a wonderful, sexy, careful, amazing man...
that was careful no to hurt me with his unusually big, yet suprisingly hard penis...

(do you have like an extra liter of blood or something?=)

who was trying to explaint things to me,patiently,
like,
that you will get in trouble if i continue pretending you are raping or forcing me,
this is my life you know, not a cartoon.

like, i am human korana, you can't throw me off a huge cliff and run down expecting to see me get up alive and continue this battle you are turning us in.

i am not wilde coyote, stop acting like a human road runner....

i'm probably inventing the words you used, the cartoon metaphor is something i say to people, when they are incosidaret, but you know what i mean.

i had this flashback, that you were so wonderful i was ready to break your heart just to stop him from having you...that you were all i could wish for and more...

just give me my memories back, you have done nothing wrong...

in all fairness all girls like a bit of rough sex, from time to time, and i am not that pretty, that is simply a fact, it shouldn't be something we fight over.=)

i love you, and if you will have me, i will be right here waiting for you, and listening to richard marx.

i'm sorry for the things i've put you through, and i understand, and you did what you had to do, and you haven't done ANYTHING wrong.

until i can have my memory back, if i become insecure of how i feel about solna again, coz of what other people say, remind me of that, remind me you have done nothing wrong.

but, i will try to make sure that before or after recal you never have to worry about solna anymore, still if i do not manage it, just tell me, just say, woman i have done nothing wrong, now turn lisa stansfield off and mentally come sit on my lap.

thngs will be different from now on, and if you want me, i would ne honored to spend my life giving you pleasure and loving you.

i am very clingy though, do not think just coz people caleld you possessive with a good reason you will get me to behave like a normal 34 year old....

expect to be my boyfriend, dad, mother and nanna

and i will learn to cook and, if we can afford it, be a stay at home mom and just be very traditional dangerous assassin wife with many tattoos, and there is nothing wrong with missionary or spanking, excuse me for liking my leo husband...(but i guess we can work out the deatails later)

i love you.

i'm sorry for the things i have put you through.

yours,

korana
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/20/2012 08:52 PM
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also, u were right, mother says there can be no excuse for an ultimatum ever, coz the best u can do is ask someone to do or not to do something.

it's jsut i never knew this, i was given some ultimatumes in my life, by different bfs, over stuff that was not really wrong on my part, just a matter of opinion.

if a man i love says something as sillas, if you wear that skirt tonight to a girls night out we are through i told you three times not to wear if when we are not out togetherm i am just that much patient that i do not want to fight over a skirt, and change it.

if he feels so strongly about it to act like a kid, maybe there is something wrong with the skirt after all, lol...

anyway, no more ultimatumes...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 20566260
United States
11/20/2012 08:57 PM
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Re: love letter
bizarre.
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/20/2012 08:57 PM
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i guess this is where men and women are differen't, i really can take a little ultimatume from time to time, unless it's all the time.

but i can also see how i might have been wrong, coz after all these people are my exes for a reason.

anyway, sorry no more umtimatues...

i was wrong to make you choose.

i think it came from me assunimg you were dunno, underestimating the fritzel.

i thought you didn't know exactly how smart and evil he is and what he can do.
i was desperate, but i think you know that now.
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/20/2012 09:02 PM
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bizarre.
 Quoting: J-Honey


i strongly advize therapy and getting something like a life of your own.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24537507
United States
11/20/2012 09:07 PM
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eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/21/2012 03:51 PM
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And how can I live without you
You're such a part of me
And you've always been the one


keeping me forever young, and the best is yet to come....
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/21/2012 04:26 PM
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i can't escape this idea that the fritzle had us right where he wanted us, those couple of days....

the thing that i was worried the most was, how did i make it alive to meet you in the first place.

he would not let me get away, unless he had a plan, and the plan most likely included something bad for you, for both of us.

i was terrified that i walked right intot a trap again, and that you don't know, but you are surronded by them.
the enemy.
26 six year olds are still very much people of the heart, giving their friends endless benefits of a doubt, i didn't know if you knew that you are in danger....
(this is not due to immaturity, it's strenght, people over thirty get worn down and weaker, not all, 'course, but many)
i was terrifed that i would have to watch them hurt you.

but he had us exatly where he wanted us, i think, and not only poor excuses for resitonce, like the people that turned out not to be your friends, they are ever so easy to maniipulate by evil, but he had the two of us EXACTLY where he wanted us....
he wanted you to know how he felt.
i played right into his plan, he played me like a fool....
i was trying to think of ways he will use me to get to you, for such a long time, and still he did.
he used me to show you how he felt....
only it's not the same....
much like some other people, fritzles error in judgment alwayws was tryingt to compare himself to you...

there is no comparison...
he also doesn't know much about love....
he also cannot understand that there are sides, there is such thing as good and bad, and you really are nothing like him, but you are, in everything, superior to him.

i love u,

more than u know

i can't wait to show you every day, just how much...

also what is the time line we are talking about here?
give us a hint i have smoking to quit, (which i can do in a matter of NOW, if i'm motivated by the prospect of u), and also i should start bathing before we see each other again, it will take me some time to wash myself into socially acceptible clean again, i literally look and smell like a bum right now, lol

anyway,

ajajusnogging
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/21/2012 04:35 PM
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i know it's crazy but sometimes i miss the kids so much.
nati and stefan
i wish i held them more, and played with them more, and had more patiance, and kissed them more, and held them in my arms more....
much more....

i hope i was good to you when you were little, and i could've been better shorry...

i will buy you glassh to make amends:))
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28208001
United Kingdom
11/21/2012 04:36 PM
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Dear stfu.
eve (OP)
User ID: 28145061
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/21/2012 05:12 PM
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Dear stfu.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28208001


that u feel compelled to respond to love letters to another man, shows just how starved for attention and pathetic u r.

don't u know that stalking is creepy and trying to get attention from someone elses woman that thinks you're an ugly gorilla man is down right sad.

i wish i thought you are only arrogant, but i really believe you are a very disturbed individual.
eve
User ID: 28274067
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/22/2012 11:27 AM
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baby, did you give me a piece of chocolate cake when we first met?

WHY do i think of you in terms of very yummy chocolate cake???
eve
User ID: 28274067
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/22/2012 02:50 PM
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-u walk thru my walls like ghost on tv, u penetrate me-
eve
User ID: 28274067
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/22/2012 05:25 PM
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it's funny how i told you how you were still a person of the heart and you gave people too much of a benefit.

after all the things i have been through i was still naive enough to expect that i will actually one day find these wonderful men and women who will take me in, explain to me who i was, train me against saklas, and all that while making sure you are safe.

safe from everything that could be a threat, including me.

i excpected to find brothers and sisters

to feel safe.

i found dickheads, and much to my horror literally.
they were literally standing in my face rubbing their little dicks.
they were ready to lie, cheat, humiliate and beat me, just to put their dick inside me.

you have travelled thru time and space, became human for me and i have endured centuries of cruelest torture, even evolved, coz anything else meant indangering you, and all their small dicks, (that they use instead of brains, to make sense of the world would), told them - was that it was dominance and submission what it all was about between us.

not only was i disappointed and terrified, i also think from the bottom of my heart that most of the people in this resistonce could not pin a tail on a pinnata, let along win this war.

i am not trying to be mean, i am terrified and honest.

i love you, abdul, i want to say something about past 9 moths, i was angry you didn't protect me, and as i write this, i know i'm being unfair, and that you tried.
i know i didn't let you. i know that you are not the kind of man that would think he knows it all, never makes errors in judgement and won't listen to anyone, and i love you even more for it, and you really had no choice but to let me go from marsta, and fallow and do what you can, but i am still angry.

i am sorry i am angry.
i am sorry i was angry.
i put you, we all put you in a totally impossible situation and then i was angry at you for not protecting me.
i thru away your picture, the only really valuble thing i ever owned.
i am such a fool, i expected way too much of people, and i threw away my biggest material treasure.

you looked so good in that white frame, so sexy....

damn it.

i wish i had my picture, those creeps stole my shoes, pushed me and ganged up on me, plus kicked me out with the police,to punch me and abuse me in that hostel, all over that picture, and then i just threw it away.

i am not in the forgiving business baby, i will not forgive these creeps anything they put me thru, i don't know what else to say,

or why don't we all forgive the fritzle then too, and we can all be one big happy family!?

i love you,
and i am nt angry anymore, not at you anyway, but then again you have't done anything wrong, so that one was my mistake really.
Manu-Koelbren

User ID: 1312616
Spain
11/22/2012 05:27 PM
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No fucking way I am reading all that badly written crap.
"White privilege" is the liberal religion's version of Original Sin: you are born guilty, and you carry that burden of guilt all your life, and the only way to escape eternal damnation is for white people confess their sin, to bow, kneel and believe the dogma of the Church of Liberalism, genuflect at its altars, honor its saints, fill the collection plate, and never, ever doubt.

-- Dixon Diaz
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15782258
Belgium
11/22/2012 05:35 PM
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No fucking way I am reading all that badly written crap.
 Quoting: Manu-Koelbren

you have no obligation to read it, haven't you?

someone just needs an outlet. writing it in a public forum, is as good as any other therapeutic exercise.
141

User ID: 14379470
Denmark
11/22/2012 05:39 PM

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Lots of love to you Eve
May all good things come to you and your loved ones
Takes a brave heart to share this deep

Don't let the BS'ers get to you, you know who you are and what your heart holds

I believe in you

Of all heart wishing the best for you
Love
rose

Last Edited by 141 on 11/22/2012 05:45 PM
Truth and Love...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1481707
Australia
11/22/2012 05:40 PM
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bizarre.
 Quoting: J-Honey


freakishly bizarre ;)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18314760
United States
11/22/2012 05:42 PM
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you melted my heart.

i needed a good thomping.

only it wasnt me you were hitting, but the part of me that lost something.

i mean, if you lose your keys...
JJ
User ID: 22912311
United States
11/22/2012 05:50 PM
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Love letters should be written better. It just comes across like your personality is careless. Just a tip.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1481707
Australia
11/22/2012 05:54 PM
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this bitch has problems^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 06:00 PM
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...love you sun whatever i hope you get better /:
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 06:04 PM
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Oh the target idea is not used on target again .. Noh everytime.

Like a hole next to the dead looking tree in the back.

It floats nearby ...
King Julian The Boy Prophet

User ID: 23040915
United States
11/22/2012 06:05 PM
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are all bosnians on their period
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 06:05 PM
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Sjeez you can split russia apart with it.
Pyractomena borealis

User ID: 20793638
United States
11/22/2012 06:07 PM
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Piffle, bosh.
There is nothing so powerful as truth, and often nothing so strange ~ Daniel Webster

Omnia Vincit Amor ~ Virgil

The more you learn, the less you know ~ Socrates

That writer does the most, who gives his reader the most knowledge, and takes from him the least time. ~ Charles Caleb Colton
eve
User ID: 28274067
Bosnia and Herzegovina
11/22/2012 06:09 PM
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Lots of love to you Eve
May all good things come to you and your loved ones
Takes a brave heart to share this deep

Don't let the BS'ers get to you, you know who you are and what your heart holds

I believe in you

Of all heart wishing the best for you
Love
rose
 Quoting: 141


i know sweety, i know, but it's sure nice to hear it too.
thank you.

blwkss

and, thanx for the rose too

eyebat
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15782258
Belgium
11/22/2012 06:11 PM
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this bitch has problems^
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1481707

give her her well-deserved break. the atrocities that happened and happen in her region aren't funny.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 06:11 PM
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Most in someones wide pants ... Darn.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21656968
United States
11/22/2012 06:13 PM
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a little long winded and mushy like over cooked mash potatoes, but that's sweet.
Manu-Koelbren

User ID: 1312616
Spain
11/22/2012 06:14 PM
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are all bosnians on their period
 Quoting: King Julian The Boy Prophet


She's not Bosnian, she must be Russian judging by how batshit crazy and manipulative she is.
"White privilege" is the liberal religion's version of Original Sin: you are born guilty, and you carry that burden of guilt all your life, and the only way to escape eternal damnation is for white people confess their sin, to bow, kneel and believe the dogma of the Church of Liberalism, genuflect at its altars, honor its saints, fill the collection plate, and never, ever doubt.

-- Dixon Diaz

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