it's funny how i told you how you were still a person of the heart and you gave people too much of a benefit.

after all the things i have been through i was still naive enough to expect that i will actually one day find these wonderful men and women who will take me in, explain to me who i was, train me against saklas, and all that while making sure you are safe.

safe from everything that could be a threat, including me.

i excpected to find brothers and sisters

to feel safe.

i found dickheads, and much to my horror literally.
they were literally standing in my face rubbing their little dicks.
they were ready to lie, cheat, humiliate and beat me, just to put their dick inside me.

you have travelled thru time and space, became human for me and i have endured centuries of cruelest torture, even evolved, coz anything else meant indangering you, and all their small dicks, (that they use instead of brains, to make sense of the world would), told them - was that it was dominance and submission what it all was about between us.

not only was i disappointed and terrified, i also think from the bottom of my heart that most of the people in this resistonce could not pin a tail on a pinnata, let along win this war.

i am not trying to be mean, i am terrified and honest.

i love you, abdul, i want to say something about past 9 moths, i was angry you didn't protect me, and as i write this, i know i'm being unfair, and that you tried.
i know i didn't let you. i know that you are not the kind of man that would think he knows it all, never makes errors in judgement and won't listen to anyone, and i love you even more for it, and you really had no choice but to let me go from marsta, and fallow and do what you can, but i am still angry.

i am sorry i am angry.
i am sorry i was angry.
i put you, we all put you in a totally impossible situation and then i was angry at you for not protecting me.
i thru away your picture, the only really valuble thing i ever owned.
i am such a fool, i expected way too much of people, and i threw away my biggest material treasure.

you looked so good in that white frame, so sexy....

damn it.

i wish i had my picture, those creeps stole my shoes, pushed me and ganged up on me, plus kicked me out with the police,to punch me and abuse me in that hostel, all over that picture, and then i just threw it away.

i am not in the forgiving business baby, i will not forgive these creeps anything they put me thru, i don't know what else to say,

or why don't we all forgive the fritzle then too, and we can all be one big happy family!?

i love you,
and i am nt angry anymore, not at you anyway, but then again you have't done anything wrong, so that one was my mistake really.