Has anyone found the "one that got away" years later? Please tell

I have this same regret! If I had it to do all over again, I would fight. And even if I didn't, then I'd at least find out "what if" and not hold on to a dream for year, upon years.

It is not worth it. Either go find out or let it go!

From one who wished they would have!!!!!

Yes, honesty is the most important thing for any relationship, but unfortunately I hadn't learned that yet when I was with him, hence the reluctance to pick that old scab. But maybe it still bothers me because I haven't made ammends about the hurt I caused him. I feel worse about that than how much he hurt me.

And I must say that not finding out is one of the biggest regrets of my life!

Good for you! Its encouraging to hear this many people happy in their relationships!

I think you have to go where your gut takes you with these things. If it feels wrong, then run. But for me it felt like I left something important behind that was unfinished. I need to know one way or the other. I guess its a matter of swallowing my pride and taking a chance.

Thanks!

I'm going through it now. 11 years later. She's married. Happy. Getting ready to have kids. We still talk. It's a fate worse than death. I still dream about her three/four times a week - and in those dreams I'm still trying desperately to get her back. She always leaves again at the end of the dream. It's fucking torture. You'd think it gets better but it hurts just as much now as it did the day she left.

True love really never dies. So my advice to everyone would be to avoid it like the plague if you can. Find somebody you could take or leave and span time.

I was very sick 5 years ago and given less than a year to live and had a list of things I regretted not doing. I've done them all, save this one. I feel like he won't believe me or trust me again which is why I gave up and walked away all those years ago. That feeling of not being trusted by someone you love is a terrible pit in my stomach and I have been honest in all of my relationships (sometimes painfully so) ever since. Live and learn and hopefully its not too late.

yes. and she was a big as a house.

I thought I was the only one to obsess over a long lost relationship. I sometimes think that there's something wrong with me for not being able to let it go. I can have relationships, and in fact was married, but they all have the same sort of luke warm, friendship feeling to them. Not the passion and emotion I had with him. Again, it may have been because I was young and not had enough breakups to start protecting myself from those deep emotions. But that was the last time I can honestly say I loved someone so much it hurt.

I found this years ago and saved it on a word document. Sharing it here, because it has so much value...so much, that it must be shared.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. An
d, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not prince Charming and you are not Cinderella, and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. And in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions). And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process, a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you(or didn't do to you) and learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and, in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into our psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh,what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with,who you should marry, what you should expect of marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up new worlds, and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that hold together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guild and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familiar love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away

You learn not to project your needs or your feeling onto relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love, and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonziing over how you "Stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want, and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch, and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and play. You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you dont always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make your self a promise - to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less then your heart's desire

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

No way!

Guess you dodged that bullet!

the nobody got away

Wow. That is powerful. Thank you for sharing that!

Me!!!!! Honestly, last night even. We were HS sweethearts and moved to our current town together. Long story short I was awful to him, in all ways imaginable. He finally got smart and left me. I did my own thing for a while and grew up a litle. I came to realize how much he loved me and how much I regretted the things I'd said and done. By this time he wanted nothing to do with me, I understood but was hurt in a way. I tried for 5+ years to get him to talk to me so I could give him a sincere apology, but he refused. Last night we were in our hometown at the same time and he came over. Maybe the world IS ending? We were up all night talking, for 7 hrs. I'm so fricken happy! Even if nothing comes of it I got to give my apology, I think something may come of it, but there are many complications. I never stopped loving him, he IS the one who got away.

I think you can really only fall in love-love like that once. You use up all the magic and the pain of the split closes the door for anyone else.

This is gonna sound nuts but; I'm glad she's happy. I'd never do anything to interfere with her life BUT, since we split in 2001 I haven't been on a single date. Doesn't seem to be any point. I'd just be lying to whoever the girl is to satisfy myself and in the interim possibly keeping her from her soul mate the same way some guy is keeping mine from me. I have my fingers crossed that someday she'll come back. Until then I'll wait (not in the crazy way, in the Noah Calhoun, Chuck Noland way) - but even if she never does I got to know the kind of love most people only read about. Just wish I hadn't fucked it up and ruined my own goddamned life. BTW, hopefully the split wan't your fault - ours was mine. Loneliness combined with guilt, self-loathing and never-ending regret is easily the heaviest cross I've ever had, or will have to carry. I cry a lot. I'm addicted to drugs. I'm also still not entirely convinced that this isn't hell.

That said, I'm sorry man. This world is a pain endurance test. I only hope someday God gives me a fucking break and takes the boot off my neck. Hope he does the same for you.

Crap, just realized you were a girl. Sorry, I was projecting!

Congrats! Do you hope to get back together? And did he forgive you?

Lol, don't sweat it. People make that mistake on here somewhat regularly. Maybe because I have a fart joke for a sig. I hate to say it, but I think you're right about the one real love. You only let yourself go like that one single time, and once you have your heart ripped out and stepped on you never give it out fully again. I have resigned to the fact that my romantic relationships have been more of a friendship with benefits and that's about as far as I'm willing to let go.

Although the other side of that coin is that maybe with some closure and forgiveness over this first love, maybe that will start the healing process to start breaking down that wall I have so carefully built around myself all these years. The breakup was so painful and unfortunately very public where I worked and it was just a horrific nightmare. I never wanted to be in such a drama filled situation again and have kept my emotions on lockdown ever since. Hmmm...a bit of self therapy tonight I guess.

I am in the same boat. An ex from 2005 keeps drifting into my thoughts lately. I haven't thought about him in YEARS. But just thinking about him now makes me realize wow, I dropped the ball. I have never met anyone close to him. He was not perfect but I think we were perfect for one another. I don't think I will ever "click" with anyone else the way we did. Sometimes it was like a psychic connection.

I have not seen him since 2008. I messed things up because of an addiction I had. I regret it so much and I would do anything for a second chance.

I tried to add his friend on FB, since he himself does not use FB, but his friend did not add me back. It stings a bit :(

I never really got the closure I needed.

OP You're still up?? You should definitely get in touch. What do you have to lose? Seriously!! Do it!!! : ) The internet voice is telling you to do so.

'It's not the choices in life we regret, it's the ones we didn't make.'
- Some dude

What if He was MKULTRA'd?

Yes, I self medicated with booze and some other various things for a while but luckily I got a job that does drug testing, so I had to stop. I started doing the self medicating because the only way I could sleep was to pass out cold. I cried myself to sleep every night for 3 months, and then had to get up every day and go to work and be reminded of it all over again. People took sides so I lost friends, and always felt paranoid that everyone was talking about me. (I found out later they actually were).

Because of all of this I lead a very solitary life now. I don't socialize at work, I only have a couple of trustable friends, I don't drink anymore (most of the drama occurred drunk).

The split was both of our faults really. We were both dishonest and cruel to each other which is the worst regret. We both needed to grow up and some therapy too for our messed up childhoods. I got my end cleaned up now.

Until you regret so many you didn't make, that you take action in a way that creates an overwhelming amount that you did make.

I'm a night owl, lol. I work nights so its easier on days off to keep the same schedule. I think I will send him a text tomorrow. There's something safe about texting, and I think the sound of his voice might still give me that sick feeling in my stomach like it used to. That quote is so true.

no, that seems like only something that would happen in the movies..

but i'm still young, and i think it would be freakin awesome to run into the girl of my old dreams in 10 years or so.

I can tell you for a fact that in the movies they never show all the emotional baggage that mucked it up to begin with. Its like "all is forgiven" and they live happily ever after. In real life your best hope is that you can make contact and that they don't still hate you or hold a grudge 10 years later. And he would be the type to do that. I guess at the time I thought it would be easier to cut ties and start fresh with someone new than to work through our tangled cobweb of problems. That didn't work out too well on my end.

I ran across two "who got away" decades ago. One lived a very poor marginal existence, divorced, and his only kid grew up to be a register sex offender. The other one apparently made buttloads of money going after people who share files online. I didn't want either one of them to know I knew where they were. Let the past stay in the past.

OP, please do it. Contact him. I've found happiness after a high school breakup - my first love - 30 years later! We were both married twice and divorced after the second marriage of 20 years. We are so happy! It's not perfect,but it is wonderful.
The initial contact was by letter (he contacted me) and came as a total surprise out of the blue. It was almost impossible to figure out the meaning or what he wanted,
(all general catching up and chatting about common interests, etc. no pressure) but we emailed for several weeks before even talking on the phone. I have to tell you that first time I heard his voice after 30 years was like lightening striking. Same lightening when we first saw each other again. We've been together for 4 years now.