What the feeling of a constant purgatory of the same repeating cycle which hampers progression, the feeling of doing everything you do not want to be doing while having all the outlets you enjoyed taken away from you, why is it that karma never manifests for those who deserve it while the medicore hacks who follow the mob mentality seem to be the ones progressing... every day is the same loop of fucked up pain, toiling, and soreness that makes me hate everyone who has not experienced it... faking smiles and pretending to be happy is as physically wearing as dealing with a back injury which never heals... people expect the world of the youth while our pay from hard work is deducted to take care of those who can not care for them selfs, the old generation which passes judgement on the youth, the same ones who do not give one single fuck about the future of this country, but only how it will affect their wallets and their false sense of security about what life is. I wonder if a pastor who enjoys his tax exempt status and never has to sweat for his work can really identify with the individuals who seek refuge in his castle because of what the world does to those who try to make it. I wonder what soldiers who come back injured from war wonder when they see the general public infatuation with sports, movies, and nihilism while they sacrificed their lifes for these people who only care to say thanks on holidays which is now co opted by a need to barbecue and drink alcohol. I wonder what the president and elected officials think when they see the general public more indulged in fantasy then what is actually going on around them, I would probaly loathe them as much as I do now if I were in their shoes seeing as how they are so quick to pass judgement and turn on these "leaders" when the celebrities and vices play more of a role in shaping public policy and opinion then they do.



I wonder if they feel like me, alienated, forgotten, and used up. I wonder what the CIA thinks about the general public with all of the info they gather, do they think that we are all sheep... I probaly would. The truth seekers and new agers scream that their is more to this life then what meets the eye, but we wake up and go to work and it is all the same bullshit all over again. People dont want to work, they want water cooler talk, no one wants to push the envelope and those that do are never given creedence, a raise , or even thanks. The mob mentality pushes this country and it is filled with shit.



Why is that cancer awareness events are always only successful when they involve social outing with alcohol and tobacco? Why is it that girls are so impressionable and weak minded? Why am i so miserable, Every day of this existence makes me want to go back and do it again, but I wake up in the same place and the same spot in time with the same regrets... I am stuck here in this rut, I cant more forward and I cant move on... I hate religion and all of the other avenues of happiness like sports, social outings, holidays which other people seek refuge in? I want out of this life, but I am too soft to do it on? I keep thinking it will get better, but its worse every day.... the insecurities eat me alive and I cant transform out of this....

I cant go to sleep at night only during the day when I am physically exhausted from a nights up of regret, I stare at the ceiling at night and regret every wrong turn I have made... Do antidepressants work??? I need a change. no petty silly new age advice, what is the way out of this mentality i developed.