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Beware -- They Walk Among Us!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25518340
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11/22/2012 10:41 AM
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Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
From Daniel Evans...

Old but classic!


Beware - They Walk Amongst Us



These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27915631
United States
11/22/2012 01:12 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
I love this, a good laugh to start off a 4 day weekend....thank
leftmike

User ID: 28276147
United Kingdom
11/22/2012 01:32 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
thanks for that....afro
leftmike
Wolfen /v\

User ID: 28235915
United States
11/22/2012 01:40 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
I need one of these attornies
Life is short.....live it with ecstasy!

Intuition is a status of mind to live by.

The most destructive lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. Once you stop this behavior things begin to change. The universe embraces you and gives you the courage, forbearance, faith, hope and love to move up the staircase. It's enLightening.

Changing the world one person at a time.

I
II
IIII
IIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII



THE DOOR OF DOOM HAS BEEN BOLWN OEPN AND TREHE IS A GIPANG HLOE IN JAAPN!

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." -- Gerard Way
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23393274
Norway
11/22/2012 01:49 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
Worst part about it is.. those idiots vote..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 01:51 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
I look at the sun also besides a garbage ditch ?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26677730
Netherlands
11/22/2012 01:55 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
That was a really great laugh!

afro
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 01:56 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
Worst part about it is.. those idiots vote..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23393274


... I dont get it , agressive about an already proven mwoah idea with hanging around it like others cant go better.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18069765
United States
11/22/2012 01:56 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
Looks like I found a new career objective scheming
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 01:57 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
That was a really great laugh!

afro
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26677730


Some laugh on untill others are dead while not making it into murder.

Is that a glitch in life ?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11223885
Netherlands
11/22/2012 01:59 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
What if others have had it with looking at that with laughing ones.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1711362
Canada
11/22/2012 02:05 PM
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Re: Beware -- They Walk Among Us!
I've read these before somewhere else but good reminder. Made me lol! Thanks OP!

hf

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