You sound like me until recently. Then I gave up and started taking antidepressants. Now everything is super mellow, I don't care about fuck-all, life is simple. Like you I was scared about being a "drugged zombie" but its ten-thousand times better than living with the rage, frustration, hatred, anger, sorrow, etc. I had before.

The funny thing is that people who are depressed always think its their "authentic" self and that going on antidepressants would be "giving up" but the fact is their depressed self is a shitty, miserable self and its totally unprodcutive too, just wallowing in endless self-reflection and misery. It's not like your "giving up" something wonderful.