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I've Had It!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:20 PM
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I've Had It!
After numerous talks, e-maails, discussions with my husband, discussions with my in-laws, and everything else under the sun, I don't know what to do anymore.

My husband and I have one daughter. His sister also has one daughter.

In their eyes, their is only ONE grandaughter! She gets all the time, attention, and money spent on her. They call and BEG for her to come over.

It's gotten so bad, that they don't even ask how my daughter is doing! They go for months without seeing her, or asking about her. Really ,the only time they see her is for an hour maybe on a holiday.

My daughter has no idea because she's little, but I'm sick and tired of her being mistreated. Somebody needs to SLAP my mother-in-law for mistreating my daughter!!!!!

My husband says he has washed his hands of it. He's tried of arguing. He pretty much said, "if they don't want to see her, then let it go".

But, THAT'S NOT RIGHT! It's not right for them to NEVER help. If we ever need someone to watch her or need anything at all, my mother has to PULL AL THE WEIGHT.

I'm mad GLP! What should I do?
ChipModerator
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User ID: 18591269
United States
11/25/2012 06:23 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
Acceptance is part of life. A major part.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ~Arthur C. Clarke

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda! ~David Mills ~ Se7en

every-citizen
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9788321
United States
11/25/2012 06:24 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Take a deep breath.

Let it go.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28454312
United Kingdom
11/25/2012 06:26 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Family can be close and the most distant all at the same time. I've washed my hands with my mothers side of the family they are total fuck ups. I don't really care anymore for them they can wallow in their own misery i will not participate anymore. Get some resolve decide and make it stick!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:28 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
They deny it for the most part. Also, they say the only reason she gets more attention is because she doesn't have as good a home life as our daughter does. So, I guess my daughter should be punished for us being good parents.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28470810
United States
11/25/2012 06:29 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
thats femenism for ya
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1439176
United States
11/25/2012 06:29 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
This might hurt your feelings.

The grandparents may not care for your daughter possibly because of her behavior or maybe they simply do not care for you.

Do you really want to find out?

Push this issue.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:32 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
This might hurt your feelings.

The grandparents may not care for your daughter possibly because of her behavior or maybe they simply do not care for you.

Do you really want to find out?

Push this issue.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1439176


It has nothing to do with her behavior. This started when she was a tiny baby and the other gradndaughter was born. All either one of them did was eat, and sleep. Since it stared then, that proves it has nothing to do with behavior.

Also, his sister has always been treated differently because shes' "daddy's little girl". Her college was paid form ,while my husband had to pay his. When she got married they gave her ALL of their furiture. We got nothing. It geos on and on. So now, they are showing the same unfairness with the chidlren.
ChipModerator
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11/25/2012 06:35 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
Does your sister in-law have a husband? I mean are both parents of the child in the home as a family?

Last Edited by Chip on 11/25/2012 06:35 PM
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ~Arthur C. Clarke

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda! ~David Mills ~ Se7en

every-citizen
John Nash

User ID: 23642437
United States
11/25/2012 06:37 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
OP, you really don't get just how lucky you are.

You make it sound like more attention by the grandparents will somehow help your child. There is no proof of that. In fact, I would postulate that the opposite would happen. Furthermore, when your child excels in the absence of the attention by the grandparents, they will become more and more noticed. Then the table will have turned.

I know. Happened to us. Now they praise our upbringing methods and our children's accomplishments and they are kicking themselves for not wanting to be a bigger part of their lives when they were younger. Because the children noticed.

In short, get over it. What goes around, comes around. You probably have much more important things to be concerned with.
"It is no measure of mental health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
“It is not reasonable to assume that manipulation of the immune system through an increasing number of vaccinations during critical periods of brain development will not result in adverse neurodevelopmental outcomes.”
'Austerity' is the term and policy used to impose collective punishment on the many for the outrageous banking crimes of a few.
StormeyGoddess

User ID: 22004193
United States
11/25/2012 06:39 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
If you want to be unhappy about the situation, continue to hold onto those resentments...

Want everybody to be happy, accept the situation for what it is. This happens in most families I know.

It is what it is. If you push the issue, you're going to make it worse for everyone involved.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
"Don't look back, you're not going that way."

"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1439176
United States
11/25/2012 06:47 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Some people play favorites.

You and your daughter are not favorites.
geminilion
We need more cowbell!

User ID: 12895036
United States
11/25/2012 06:49 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
If you want to be unhappy about the situation, continue to hold onto those resentments...

Want everybody to be happy, accept the situation for what it is. This happens in most families I know.

It is what it is. If you push the issue, you're going to make it worse for everyone involved.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
 Quoting: StormeyGoddess


I agree with Stormey. They are claiming that they are not showing favoritism towards the other grand-daughter. Even if you are right all of the screaming in the world is not going to change the situation.

All you will do is create more division and upset. Love your daughter and let her see the family when they want her around. You may never know the reason for their actions but you are in control of your own happiness.

Best wishes.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:49 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Does your sister in-law have a husband? I mean are both parents of the child in the home as a family?
 Quoting: Chip


Yes, but he's a loser who won't work, or help out with the baby.
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
11/25/2012 06:50 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
This might hurt your feelings.

The grandparents may not care for your daughter possibly because of her behavior or maybe they simply do not care for you.

Do you really want to find out?

Push this issue.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1439176


It has nothing to do with her behavior. This started when she was a tiny baby and the other gradndaughter was born. All either one of them did was eat, and sleep. Since it stared then, that proves it has nothing to do with behavior.

Also, his sister has always been treated differently because shes' "daddy's little girl". Her college was paid form ,while my husband had to pay his. When she got married they gave her ALL of their furiture. We got nothing. It geos on and on. So now, they are showing the same unfairness with the chidlren.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


So the problem lies with the grandparents and not with the grandchildren or the children. You won't be able to change how they feel. You can accept the situation for what it is, and move on, or you can fester on the issue and continue to let it irritate and bother you, with no true means for 'fixing' the issue. I think your husband has the right idea - just let it go and move on.

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28472697
United States
11/25/2012 06:51 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Acceptance is part of life. A major part.
 Quoting: Chip


Indeed.
ChipModerator
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User ID: 18591269
United States
11/25/2012 06:52 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
Does your sister in-law have a husband? I mean are both parents of the child in the home as a family?
 Quoting: Chip


Yes, but he's a loser who won't work, or help out with the baby.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


Well. There's your answer. They're compensating. As a child I was in the position of your daughter. It was a little weird until I was old enough to understand.

Your daughter will be fine.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ~Arthur C. Clarke

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda! ~David Mills ~ Se7en

every-citizen
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:52 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
If you want to be unhappy about the situation, continue to hold onto those resentments...

Want everybody to be happy, accept the situation for what it is. This happens in most families I know.

It is what it is. If you push the issue, you're going to make it worse for everyone involved.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
 Quoting: StormeyGoddess


I agree with Stormey. They are claiming that they are not showing favoritism towards the other grand-daughter. Even if you are right all of the screaming in the world is not going to change the situation.

All you will do is create more division and upset. Love your daughter and let her see the family when they want her around. You may never know the reason for their actions but you are in control of your own happiness.

Best wishes.
 Quoting: geminilion


I understand where you're coming from, but let me clarify.

There's no "IF I'm right". They take care of the other child every day and most nights too. They take her on family trips, buy most of her food, clothes, take her on trips, etc. Our daughter doesn't even get a phonecall. There's no "if" they're being unfair. Theyr'e so unfair, I don't know how they look at themselves in the mirror.
sunspotkiller

User ID: 13773531
United States
11/25/2012 06:54 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
You can't make them treat your daughter in the way you want. It's very weird but its also their loss. I hope ur daughter grows up rich & successful.
sunspotkiller

When you judge someone else, It doesn't define who they are, It defines who you are. Be love!

“Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.”
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 06:54 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
Does your sister in-law have a husband? I mean are both parents of the child in the home as a family?
 Quoting: Chip


Yes, but he's a loser who won't work, or help out with the baby.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


Well. There's your answer. They're compensating. As a child I was in the position of your daughter. It was a little weird until I was old enough to understand.

Your daughter will be fine.
 Quoting: Chip


I'm sorry you had to go through that same experience. I fully agree that they're compensating, but that still doesnt' make it right. I've never been an angry person by nature, but Ithey make me very angry.
StormeyGoddess

User ID: 22004193
United States
11/25/2012 07:01 PM

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Re: I've Had It!
If you want to be unhappy about the situation, continue to hold onto those resentments...

Want everybody to be happy, accept the situation for what it is. This happens in most families I know.

It is what it is. If you push the issue, you're going to make it worse for everyone involved.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
 Quoting: StormeyGoddess


I agree with Stormey. They are claiming that they are not showing favoritism towards the other grand-daughter. Even if you are right all of the screaming in the world is not going to change the situation.

All you will do is create more division and upset. Love your daughter and let her see the family when they want her around. You may never know the reason for their actions but you are in control of your own happiness.

Best wishes.
 Quoting: geminilion


I understand where you're coming from, but let me clarify.

There's no "IF I'm right". They take care of the other child every day and most nights too. They take her on family trips, buy most of her food, clothes, take her on trips, etc. Our daughter doesn't even get a phonecall. There's no "if" they're being unfair. Theyr'e so unfair, I don't know how they look at themselves in the mirror.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


I'm sorry that you're going through it. All of your anger is not going to change the situation, though. It happens in my family too. What can YOU do to improve the situation? You can let it go. So what if they do more with the other grandchild? Who's going to learn to stand on their own when they're an adult and who's going to be dependent on someone else?

Sounds like it affects you more than your daughter, and if you harp on it in front of her, she'll start holding the same resentments.

I sympathize, but the one and only thing you can really do about it is accept it and move on...nobody is happy when they hold onto their anger and resentments.

Forgive the grandparents for their behavior and just love them and accept them for who they are.
"Don't look back, you're not going that way."

"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 07:02 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
You can't make them treat your daughter in the way you want. It's very weird but its also their loss. I hope ur daughter grows up rich & successful.
 Quoting: sunspotkiller


THank you. Years from now when my daughter is grown up, I imagine they will look back and regret this, as she will barely know who they are, and probably have nothing to do with them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27330681
Canada
11/25/2012 07:06 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
They deny it for the most part. Also, they say the only reason she gets more attention is because she doesn't have as good a home life as our daughter does. So, I guess my daughter should be punished for us being good parents.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


They have resentment towards you, try to find some activities you and your daughter like, forget about them! Why do you want their attention? why spend somuch time and energy on those people?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1505901
United States
11/25/2012 07:11 PM
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Re: I've Had It!
They deny it for the most part. Also, they say the only reason she gets more attention is because she doesn't have as good a home life as our daughter does. So, I guess my daughter should be punished for us being good parents.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1505901


They have resentment towards you, try to find some activities you and your daughter like, forget about them! Why do you want their attention? why spend somuch time and energy on those people?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27330681


They don't have resentment towards me. I've told you over and over. My husband's sister was always the "favorite". Now, her daughter is the favorite grandchild. I've always been VERY nice to them, even when they deserved a good butt kick. They know that!

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