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BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!

 
GOON
User ID: 28390555
United States
11/27/2012 02:25 AM
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BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
What are the retailers going to do now?


The after DOOM sale?



Hahahahahaha!


Actually, they got you where they want you.


American's are spending more this season because they think they will not need to pay it off after December 21, 2012.

Think again.

Americans have been fooled in one of the greatest marketing campaigns ever conceived by retailers.

The DOOMS DATE aka December 21, 2012


Hahahahahahaha!!!


abduct
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24394728
Austria
11/27/2012 02:52 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
Finally! I'm fed up with this shit existence. At least I'll be able to get a spiteful 'I told you so!' out of it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23017670
United States
11/27/2012 03:12 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
According to CNN's polls 100% of adult americans shopped on black friday.


I did not.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1313288
United States
11/27/2012 03:29 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
According to CNN's polls 100% of adult americans shopped on black friday.


I did not.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23017670


6 adult members in my household did NOT spend a dime on Black Friday! :-)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14012564
United States
11/27/2012 03:38 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
How fitting lol
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28566042
Canada
11/27/2012 03:43 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
Pubic hair is not just a biological accident that forces us to the waxing salon. It serves three critical functions. First, it protects the delicate vagina. Second, it serves as a reproductive billboard to alert potential mates that you are biologically (if not emotionally) prepared to procreate. And last, it's a pheromone carpet and traps the scents that lead potential mates to the promised land. So you might think twice before you shave it all off. It's there for a reason. Embrace it.

There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000. Who says God didn't take care of us girls?
The average vagina is 3-4 inches long, but fear not if your guy is hung like a horse. The vagina can expand by 200% when sexually aroused, kind of like a balloon. Remember, the vagina was made to birth babies, so it's exceedingly elastic. If you have pain when getting it on with someone large, you can use dilators to help stretch the vagina so you can accommodate the whole package.

The vagina doesn't connect to the lung. While the vagina can expand, it's not an open conduit to the abdominal cavity. While microscopic sperm can swim through a tiny hole in the cervix, a tampon simply won't fit. So if you lose something in there, don't worry. Reach in all the way and pull it out. Do not -- I repeat, do not -- go hunting for whatever you've lost with a pair of pliers. Think of your vagina as being like a sock. If you lose a banana in a sock...it stays in the sock.

Yes, it's true -- your vagina can fall out. Not to belabor the sock metaphor, but it can turn inside out just like a worn out sweat sock and hang between your legs as you get older. But don't fret; this condition -- called pelvic prolapse -- can be fixed.

Vaginas have something in common with sharks. Both contain squalene, a substance that exists in both shark livers and natural vaginal lubricant. (Cue music: "She's a maneater...")

You can catch sexually transmitted diseases even if you use a condom. Sorry to break it to you, but the skin of the vulva can still touch infectious skin of the scrotum -- and BAM! Warts. Herpes. Molluscum contagiosum. Pubic lice. So pick your partners carefully.

The average length of the labia minora is less than ¾ inch long (yes, someone got out a ruler and measured 2981 women). Only 1.8% of women have labia longer than 1 ½ inches. But remember, every vulva is different and special. Some lips hang down. Some are tucked up neatly inside. Some are long. Some are short. Some are even. Some aren't. All are beautiful. You're perfect just the way you are.

While hair on your head can live up to seven years, pubic hair has a life expectancy of about three weeks, which is why it only grows so long. So don't worry if you opt not to groom your pubes -- you won't need to braid them any time soon.

The word "vagina" comes from the Latin root meaning "sheath for a sword," which may explain why some women simply hate the word. So if you don't like the word "vagina," pick your own name for your girly parts. Just call it something and don't be afraid to talk about it.

Only about 30% of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where the action is. Most women who do orgasm during sex have figured out how to hit their sweet spot, either from positioning or from direct stimulation of the clitoris with fingers.

Increasing evidence suggests that the G spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris. Although experts describe the G spot as being inside the vagina on the anterior wall, just under the urethra, the crura of the clitoris actually runs right there. And a recent study demonstrated that vaginal orgasms may actually be deep clitoral orgasms. But who cares? An orgasm is an orgasm. Appreciate it, regardless of where it comes from.

Vaginal farts (some call them "queefs" or "varts") happen to almost all women at one time or another, especially during sex or other forms of exercise. So don't be embarrassed if your hooha lets out a toot. You're perfectly normal.
Some women do ejaculate during orgasm, but you're normal if you don't. The controversial "female ejaculation" most likely represents two different phenomena. If it's a small amount of milky fluid, it likely comes from the paraurethral glands inside the urethra. If it's a cup, it's probably pee. Many times, it may be a little bit of both. But don't stress out about peeing on yourself. Put a towel under you and surrender to the experience.

Safe sex (or even just orgasm alone) is good for you. Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, helping with chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem. So go at it, girlfriends!
cmoG530

User ID: 28458258
United States
11/27/2012 04:06 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
It's the beginning. Something interesting. The Chinese declares this year as the year of the dragon and next year, the year of the snake. Coincidence???

(KJV)Revelation 12:9
And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
1 Timothy 3:16 KJV
And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory.

Isaiah 9:6 KJV
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Mark 16:16 KJV
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

Acts 2:38 KJV
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Romans 8:6-9 KJV
6) For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
7) Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
8) So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
9) But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.

Matthew 15:8-9 KJV
8) This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.
9) But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

Acts 5:29 KJV
Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

"The biggest sign from God, to let us all know that man can never be God? Death." - Anonymous
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28513488
United States
11/27/2012 04:10 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
yup. Jesus is coming on Dec. 21 and he's gonna kill
everyone on the planet.
#Geomagnetic_Storm#
"Amateur Meteorologist"

User ID: 1426914
United States
11/27/2012 04:13 AM

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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
pigchef
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28513488
United States
11/27/2012 10:26 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
yup. Jesus is coming on Dec. 21 and he's gonna kill
everyone on the planet.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28513488


bump
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 28390555
United States
11/28/2012 01:31 AM
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Re: BREAKING: Only 25 More Shopping Days Until the End of the World!!!
yup. Jesus is coming on Dec. 21 and he's gonna kill
everyone on the planet.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28513488




Ah geez, how did it come to this?


burnit

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