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I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27132211
United States
11/28/2012 12:27 AM
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I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
5a

At least I know my eternal soul is guaranteed. Sucks for most of you guys, though. God says sorry.

I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Little dicked guys are worthless."

wtf Kind of harsh, but he's the eternal creator so what are you gonna do?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 957683
United States
11/28/2012 12:28 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
5a

At least I know my eternal soul is guaranteed. Sucks for most of you guys, though. God says sorry.

I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Little dicked guys are worthless."

wtf Kind of harsh, but he's the eternal creator so what are you gonna do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27132211


I'm screwed. Hung like a mosquito.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24910812
United States
11/28/2012 12:29 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
I guess God forgot to mention that there won't be any women there.

Just you and a bunch of guys with big dicks.

Your dream come true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24860519
United States
11/28/2012 12:30 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
5a

At least I know my eternal soul is guaranteed. Sucks for most of you guys, though. God says sorry.

I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Little dicked guys are worthless."

wtf Kind of harsh, but he's the eternal creator so what are you gonna do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27132211


Your god is a filthy whore
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 27132211
United States
11/28/2012 12:33 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
I guess God forgot to mention that there won't be any women there.

Just you and a bunch of guys with big dicks.

Your dream come true.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24910812


Don't put words in God's mouth. He actually said that Heaven is teaming with women. And they all love big penises. So it is written, so it shall be done.
Etta

User ID: 26892628
United States
11/28/2012 12:34 AM

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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
5a

At least I know my eternal soul is guaranteed. Sucks for most of you guys, though. God says sorry.

I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Little dicked guys are worthless."

wtf Kind of harsh, but he's the eternal creator so what are you gonna do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27132211


Oh, Thank God!!!
“Expectations are the root of all heartache”
Aunty Flo

User ID: 28166646
Australia
11/28/2012 12:35 AM

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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
5a

At least I know my eternal soul is guaranteed. Sucks for most of you guys, though. God says sorry.

I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Little dicked guys are worthless."

wtf Kind of harsh, but he's the eternal creator so what are you gonna do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27132211


Maybe God is a woman.
overwhatshername

User ID: 19965711
United States
11/28/2012 12:35 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
pigchef
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 27132211
United States
11/28/2012 12:37 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
Maybe God is a woman.
 Quoting: Aunty Flo


I don't know. He had a really deep voice, a beard and flowing robes. I guess he could be a woman. You never know these days.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28360307
United States
11/28/2012 12:45 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
OP's a fool for sure.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 27132211
United States
11/28/2012 12:47 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
OP's a fool for sure.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28360307


I should expect naysayers to call me a fool. Wouldn't be the first time a prophet was slandered for spreading the word of god.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11330901
United States
11/28/2012 12:54 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
OP, I'll see you in hell. s226
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 27132211
United States
11/28/2012 12:56 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
OP, I'll see you in hell. s226
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11330901


Oh, thanks for reminding me. God spoke of hell, too. He said we have it all wrong. It's not brimstone and fire. And it's not filled with demons.

It is filled with Indian people, though. If you go to hell, you need to get used to the curry and the fact that nobody uses deodorant. It is hot down there, that much is true. Very stinky.

But overall it's just like earth, just filled with guys with little peepees. And women with huge vajayjays.

Only girls with ultra tight pussies go to heaven, too. I left that part out also. Sorry.
nocty

User ID: 3965385
United States
11/28/2012 12:59 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
hahaha1rof1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 20514729
United States
11/28/2012 01:42 AM
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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
Yeahhhh!
SuperNova1

User ID: 24800996
United States
11/28/2012 02:05 AM

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Re: I Just Heard From God. Only Guys With Large Penises Will Get Into Heaven
I have a predicament...
I'm a grower but not a shower.
How does God figure that one out.

Answer: He leaves it up to saint Peter !!!

pope
I can't wait to shed this skin suit.

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

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