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Julian's Surrender

 
Turtles Voice
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 06:16 PM

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Julian's Surrender
I wrote a short story after reading here and other places about the new diagnosis of children called ODD - yep, odd - oppositional defiance disorder.

After spending a day reading posts from people, I wrote this....



Julian's Surrender


Joseph punched the wall, cracking the sheetrock, and screamed in frustration. How dare she? How dare that stupid bitch call his mother and lie? He threw himself on the bed and turned up the heavy metal song on his iPod. Yes, he touched the girl, but she was asking for it, sitting on the bus in a skirt with her legs open. Stupid slut should have kept her legs closed if she didn’t want someone touching her; it was an invitation. His mom wouldn’t see it that way, though, she never did. She never took his side; she just blamed him, always blaming him for everything.

His heart pounded in his chest and he threw the iPod against the wall, yanking the buds from his ears painfully. He jumped to his feet when he heard the key in the front door and met his mother as she stepped into the house, overloaded with bags of groceries. “Joe, get the rest of the groceries out of the car, please,” she said, carrying the load into the kitchen.

“No,” he said and slammed the front door.

Julian set the bags on the counter and sighed, as the television blared to life in the living room. With her purse still slung over her shoulder she went outside and retrieved the rest of the groceries. She began putting the goods away and dreaded the weekend - if she could work seven days a week, she’d do it.

She went to her bedroom and changed out of her uniform, leaving her purse and a bottle of Merlot on the bed. “Could you turn the TV down, Joe?” she asked as she began preparing dinner.

He ignored her.

She wanted a drink, but she didn’t drink in front of her son. She saved the wine for bedtime, locked in her room, and it seemed to help her sleep, although she wasn’t sure it was safe to sleep so soundly. She fashioned hamburger patties and was setting them in a pan when Joseph stepped into the kitchen, she felt her stomach tense as he tore open a bag of chips and jumped up to sit on the counter.

“I didn’t hurt that girl, Mom,” he said, chewing with his mouth open, despite all the times she had instructed him in the proper and polite manner.

“You sure scared her,” Julian said, her nerves grated by the loud crunching.

“She’s just being a whiny bitch.”

“Watch your language, Joe,” she said softly, turning on the heat under the pan and opening a can of beans. “Besides, she’s just eleven. You scared her.”

“She shouldn’t dress like that, how in the hell did I know she was only eleven?” He crunched, and she could see the partially chewed food in his mouth.

“You’re supposed to keep your hands to yourself.”

“I’ll put my hands where I want, it’s a free country.”

“It’s only free when you keep your hands to yourself, I talked her mother into not pressing charges,” she said, wondering why she did. “But you can’t ride that bus anymore, her mom said if she saw you on the bus again she’s calling the law.”

“Good, I hate riding that bus anyway, you need to get me a car.” He crunched and her nerves screamed for a drink.

“I’ve told you before I can’t afford another car, much less the insurance on a teenager.” She watched the burgers sizzle, but kept him in her peripheral vision.

“Other kids have a car, why do you want to treat me like a red-headed step kid?”

“Other kids have families with two incomes or have their own job to pay for a car. You’ll need to get a job, you’re old enough.”

“I’m not working at some fast food joint while some loser barks orders at me all day. That’s not going to happen! You could get another job and help me out.”

She sighed. She’d love to get another job, maybe two or three to avoid her son 24/7, but her son was her second and third job. “No, I can’t. I’ll just have to take you to school and pick you up until I can figure out something else. Or you could walk.”

“Or I could just drop out, problem solved. I’m not walking a mile and a half twice a day, you need to buy me a car.”

“You’re seventeen, Joe, it’s time to start acting like it.”

“Oh, and I know you’re so going to kick me out when I turn eighteen. I just know it.”

“No, I’m not,” she said. I might kick myself out, she thought.

“You think I can’t read the writing on the wall, Mom? I know you’re sick of me. Hell, I know you never loved me.”

Here we go, she thought and flipped the burgers. “Of course I love you, Joe.” Okay, if the truth were told she was at the end of her rope.

“No, you don’t. You haven’t loved me since Dad died.”

He was probably right, although she’d never admit it to anyone. She was just beginning to admit it to herself. He was her son and she loved him for that, but the last ten years had been hard, nearly impossibly hard, and she had no idea how she managed to make it day to day with the constant weight of stress and worry on her back.

“If you loved me you’d buy me a car. If you’d loved me you’d buy me the shoes I wanted for Christmas last year. If you loved me you wouldn’t be such a bitch all the time.” He dropped the bag of chips and jumped off the counter, crushing them into the floor.

She felt her heartbeat accelerate, took a deep breath, and stepped into the pantry for the broom. “There’s only so much money, Joe,” she said calmly. “I can’t afford three hundred dollar shoes.” She waited until he was done grinding the chips into the linoleum, and had stepped away, before she began cleaning the mess.

“No, there’s plenty of money, you’re just greedy.” He leaned against the door jam and watched her sweep the greasy crumbs into the dustpan.

She didn’t even try to explain mortgages, car payments, utilities, insurance and the realities of keeping a roof over their heads. Not to mention the loan she had to take out to pay the fines when he wrecked her last car. The car he had stolen, although she didn’t tell the police he had stolen it.

“You just want to keep me locked up here like a caged animal, no car, damned discount clothes, and no money.”

“I thought you said I wanted to kick you out,” she said, cautioning herself to stay calm and not talk back.

“You just want to ruin my life, make me as miserable as you are.”

She sighed and put the broom away. She stirred the beans, keeping her eye on him discretely. She didn’t know why he behaved the way he did, but he had been a difficult child since he was a toddler. She had taken him to doctors and they seemed to blame her - she was over-protective, not attentive enough, needed to spend more time with him, needed to be more sympathetic and she was depressed.

Hell yes, she was depressed! She felt like a caged animal.

And yes, she hadn’t really loved him since Jerry died.

The police ruled it an accident, they said the gun misfired when her husband was cleaning it, but she had her doubts. Although the police stared into her son’s tear-stained, blue eyes and saw only a little boy who had been traumatized by witnessing his father’s death, she saw something else. She still remembered the chill she felt when he crawled in bed with her the night of the funeral, hugged her tight, and said happily, “Now it’s just you and me, Mom.” She chastised herself for seeing such darkness in a seven-year-old boy, but try as she might she couldn’t push the feeling away, anymore than she could push away the fear.

To finish

[link to turtlesvoice.blogspot.com]
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28641198
United States
11/28/2012 06:22 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Dead thread due to wall of text.
INK3

User ID: 27337849
United States
11/28/2012 06:26 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Holy Christ!
"When tyrants tremble in their fear, and hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near, how can I keep from singing"

page7
INK3

User ID: 27337849
United States
11/28/2012 06:27 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Sorry, that was just my very visceral reaction.
"When tyrants tremble in their fear, and hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near, how can I keep from singing"

page7
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 06:27 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Dead thread due to wall of text.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28641198


I'm sorry reading is so hard for you and wall of text implies there are no breaks.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 06:28 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Sorry, that was just my very visceral reaction.
 Quoting: INK3


It's okay hf

It's November - I write weird and dark stories in this month.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Ralph--a house dog

User ID: 25802009
United States
11/28/2012 06:38 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
OMG -- a very powerful tale that makes one cringe.

I'm going to read the rest of your blog.
"Who decides?"
---Robert A. Heinlein

[link to www.westcoasttruth.com]

"Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night.....Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
----Dylan Thomas
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28663312
Australia
11/28/2012 06:39 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 06:42 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
OMG -- a very powerful tale that makes one cringe.

I'm going to read the rest of your blog.
 Quoting: Ralph--a house dog


Yes, it is cringe worthy - I hesitated to put it up as I am a woman that lost her only child, a son.

This is not our story, though.

Just a story I had to write.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28543811
United States
11/28/2012 06:43 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
It is about Julian surrendering...
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 06:43 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
I have to go out for a bit, but I'll be back and mayhaps this gig I'm going to will have wifi so I can follow the thread.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

New book - ROTTEN [link to www.amazon.com]
The zombie apocalypse is now.

[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28543811
United States
11/28/2012 06:44 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Read between the lines.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1065356
United States
11/28/2012 06:46 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Dead thread due to wall of text.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28641198


that's what you get from an ipod generation
not enough attention span to read a page of text

tard
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 142629
New Zealand
11/28/2012 06:49 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312


THIS dagnabit!
Don't let them get you
Question everything

User ID: 28524170
United Kingdom
11/28/2012 06:50 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
I too thought this might have been about julian assange,however i enjoyed the read.Bump to read the rest laterbump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28641198
United States
11/28/2012 06:56 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Have you ever had to julian a carrot.
Madame X

User ID: 24537691
Canada
11/28/2012 06:59 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Fantastic story Turtle, loved it.

Gripped me from the start and I couldn't stop reading till I hit the end.

I'm bookmarking your site so I can read all your short stories.

Bravo girl, that is some mighty fine writing.

hf
"The wise man's home is the universe." ~ Democrites

Catch the blue train...somewhere down that crazy river.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28105140
United States
11/28/2012 06:59 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
It's true that parents are blamed for their childrens' issues. As they should be. Some disorders are real, but 95% of it I just don't buy.

Discipline starts when the child is a toddler. If you don't set the pecking order in stone then, it's over.
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 06:59 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
And yes, kudos--good writing.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28662369
United States
11/28/2012 07:01 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312


Me too! But I'll tell you what. I was disappointed, but I read the story and I'm going to the blog for the rest. Its a good story teller who can capture a random audience like that.
shinbone

User ID: 8310330
United States
11/28/2012 07:01 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Talent
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28663312
Australia
11/28/2012 07:03 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Btw, gripping story but totally unrealistic.
Anonymous Coward
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France
11/28/2012 07:04 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
julian assange should surrender, it'll make him a martyr but his cause will gain power. he's lost he can't win for himself but he can win one battle
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 07:04 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
cool story, good writing.

However, what you wrote about is a psychopath, not a maturing young person being rebellious (odd). One is scary as fuck, the other is a fake disorder created to increase the market for drug companies.
nocty

User ID: 3965385
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11/28/2012 07:05 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
how is that relevant to my life?
truth
User ID: 28526737
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11/28/2012 07:10 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Cute, Just what this forum needs: imagination and inventiveness, for a little fresh air now and then.
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 07:12 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Read what you posted, went to your site and read a bit more but stopped less than halfway.

I don't know anyone like that kid. Make someone awful enough and you can create an impossible situation. Life sometimes sucks, etc.

Maybe it got better but I got tired of the (to me) gratuitous awfulness of it.
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 07:23 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Short version: Angry young pedo feels up little kids on bus,postures alarmingly while his depressed alcoholic mother cooks hamburgers.
Family history of mental illness.
In the next chapter he either joins the priesthood or becomes a politician.
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 07:25 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312


THIS dagnabit!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 142629


I, too, had the same reaction.

As for the story; Joseph is poorly fleshed out for the villain.

He is sloppy and spoiled as a teen — rather than cunning and ruthless (both traits he seemingly possessed at a young age,) Instead we're presented with a watered, puerile, selfish and whiny teen. I would have liked to seen someone truly cunning and manipulative — someone believable in managing the crimes he committed.

It is unfortunate his character doesn't resonate on the sinister scale. He is typical of the sociopathetic behavior displayed by a startling majority of humans in all ages now.

Julian's character is completely unsympathetic. She harbored a monster and remained completely passive aggressive through the whole story.

Over all -- the story does something that I dislike and many writers seem to categorically push themselves into.

That is, telling and not showing.
Anonymous Coward
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11/28/2012 07:31 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Read the whole thing, interesting story. Though Joe's issue may have been a bit more than his mom letting him act like that, or what I would assume if someone was like that irl.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
11/28/2012 07:32 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Short version: Angry young pedo feels up little kids on bus,postures alarmingly while his depressed alcoholic mother cooks hamburgers.
Family history of mental illness.
In the next chapter he either joins the priesthood or becomes a politician.
 Quoting: zenobiaphobia



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