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Julian's Surrender

 
ctruth333

User ID: 7690906
United States
11/28/2012 07:33 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
I wrote a short story after reading here and other places about the new diagnosis of children called ODD - yep, odd - oppositional defiance disorder.

After spending a day reading posts from people, I wrote this....



Julian's Surrender


Joseph punched the wall, cracking the sheetrock, and screamed in frustration. How dare she? How dare that stupid bitch call his mother and lie? He threw himself on the bed and turned up the heavy metal song on his iPod. Yes, he touched the girl, but she was asking for it, sitting on the bus in a skirt with her legs open. Stupid slut should have kept her legs closed if she didn’t want someone touching her; it was an invitation. His mom wouldn’t see it that way, though, she never did. She never took his side; she just blamed him, always blaming him for everything.

His heart pounded in his chest and he threw the iPod against the wall, yanking the buds from his ears painfully. He jumped to his feet when he heard the key in the front door and met his mother as she stepped into the house, overloaded with bags of groceries. “Joe, get the rest of the groceries out of the car, please,” she said, carrying the load into the kitchen.

“No,” he said and slammed the front door.

Julian set the bags on the counter and sighed, as the television blared to life in the living room. With her purse still slung over her shoulder she went outside and retrieved the rest of the groceries. She began putting the goods away and dreaded the weekend - if she could work seven days a week, she’d do it.

She went to her bedroom and changed out of her uniform, leaving her purse and a bottle of Merlot on the bed. “Could you turn the TV down, Joe?” she asked as she began preparing dinner.

He ignored her.

She wanted a drink, but she didn’t drink in front of her son. She saved the wine for bedtime, locked in her room, and it seemed to help her sleep, although she wasn’t sure it was safe to sleep so soundly. She fashioned hamburger patties and was setting them in a pan when Joseph stepped into the kitchen, she felt her stomach tense as he tore open a bag of chips and jumped up to sit on the counter.

“I didn’t hurt that girl, Mom,” he said, chewing with his mouth open, despite all the times she had instructed him in the proper and polite manner.

“You sure scared her,” Julian said, her nerves grated by the loud crunching.

“She’s just being a whiny bitch.”

“Watch your language, Joe,” she said softly, turning on the heat under the pan and opening a can of beans. “Besides, she’s just eleven. You scared her.”

“She shouldn’t dress like that, how in the hell did I know she was only eleven?” He crunched, and she could see the partially chewed food in his mouth.

“You’re supposed to keep your hands to yourself.”

“I’ll put my hands where I want, it’s a free country.”

“It’s only free when you keep your hands to yourself, I talked her mother into not pressing charges,” she said, wondering why she did. “But you can’t ride that bus anymore, her mom said if she saw you on the bus again she’s calling the law.”

“Good, I hate riding that bus anyway, you need to get me a car.” He crunched and her nerves screamed for a drink.

“I’ve told you before I can’t afford another car, much less the insurance on a teenager.” She watched the burgers sizzle, but kept him in her peripheral vision.

“Other kids have a car, why do you want to treat me like a red-headed step kid?”

“Other kids have families with two incomes or have their own job to pay for a car. You’ll need to get a job, you’re old enough.”

“I’m not working at some fast food joint while some loser barks orders at me all day. That’s not going to happen! You could get another job and help me out.”

She sighed. She’d love to get another job, maybe two or three to avoid her son 24/7, but her son was her second and third job. “No, I can’t. I’ll just have to take you to school and pick you up until I can figure out something else. Or you could walk.”

“Or I could just drop out, problem solved. I’m not walking a mile and a half twice a day, you need to buy me a car.”

“You’re seventeen, Joe, it’s time to start acting like it.”

“Oh, and I know you’re so going to kick me out when I turn eighteen. I just know it.”

“No, I’m not,” she said. I might kick myself out, she thought.

“You think I can’t read the writing on the wall, Mom? I know you’re sick of me. Hell, I know you never loved me.”

Here we go, she thought and flipped the burgers. “Of course I love you, Joe.” Okay, if the truth were told she was at the end of her rope.

“No, you don’t. You haven’t loved me since Dad died.”

He was probably right, although she’d never admit it to anyone. She was just beginning to admit it to herself. He was her son and she loved him for that, but the last ten years had been hard, nearly impossibly hard, and she had no idea how she managed to make it day to day with the constant weight of stress and worry on her back.

“If you loved me you’d buy me a car. If you’d loved me you’d buy me the shoes I wanted for Christmas last year. If you loved me you wouldn’t be such a bitch all the time.” He dropped the bag of chips and jumped off the counter, crushing them into the floor.

She felt her heartbeat accelerate, took a deep breath, and stepped into the pantry for the broom. “There’s only so much money, Joe,” she said calmly. “I can’t afford three hundred dollar shoes.” She waited until he was done grinding the chips into the linoleum, and had stepped away, before she began cleaning the mess.

“No, there’s plenty of money, you’re just greedy.” He leaned against the door jam and watched her sweep the greasy crumbs into the dustpan.

She didn’t even try to explain mortgages, car payments, utilities, insurance and the realities of keeping a roof over their heads. Not to mention the loan she had to take out to pay the fines when he wrecked her last car. The car he had stolen, although she didn’t tell the police he had stolen it.

“You just want to keep me locked up here like a caged animal, no car, damned discount clothes, and no money.”

“I thought you said I wanted to kick you out,” she said, cautioning herself to stay calm and not talk back.

“You just want to ruin my life, make me as miserable as you are.”

She sighed and put the broom away. She stirred the beans, keeping her eye on him discretely. She didn’t know why he behaved the way he did, but he had been a difficult child since he was a toddler. She had taken him to doctors and they seemed to blame her - she was over-protective, not attentive enough, needed to spend more time with him, needed to be more sympathetic and she was depressed.

Hell yes, she was depressed! She felt like a caged animal.

And yes, she hadn’t really loved him since Jerry died.

The police ruled it an accident, they said the gun misfired when her husband was cleaning it, but she had her doubts. Although the police stared into her son’s tear-stained, blue eyes and saw only a little boy who had been traumatized by witnessing his father’s death, she saw something else. She still remembered the chill she felt when he crawled in bed with her the night of the funeral, hugged her tight, and said happily, “Now it’s just you and me, Mom.” She chastised herself for seeing such darkness in a seven-year-old boy, but try as she might she couldn’t push the feeling away, anymore than she could push away the fear.

To finish

[link to turtlesvoice.blogspot.com]
 Quoting: Turtles Voice


You're a great writer! Thank you for sharing this chilling account of a sociopath. I pray for parents of kids like this. (I've worked w/ ODD kids and what you've described is out of this realm)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25861717
United States
11/28/2012 07:34 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
cool story, good writing.

However, what you wrote about is a psychopath, not a maturing young person being rebellious (odd). One is scary as fuck, the other is a fake disorder created to increase the market for drug companies.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27671626


Lol, this ^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10809107
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11/28/2012 07:44 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
hes a ciao lanted to spread disinformation. you telling me a private in the army leaked this information, ya'll stupid humans. A private (thats an E1) or enlisted first rank would never be allowed in the building that housed that information..wake up people
IRQ_1

User ID: 24600584
United States
11/28/2012 07:49 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
I too thought this might have been about julian assange,however i enjoyed the read.Bump to read the rest laterbump
 Quoting: Don't let them get you


Talent
 Quoting: shinbone


I agree with you both.


5*s
Jack of all trades, master of none.
We are all the result of our past choices meeting the future.
"shall not be infringed."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22899606
United States
11/28/2012 08:05 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
I wrote a short story after reading here and other places about the new diagnosis of children called ODD - yep, odd - oppositional defiance disorder.

After spending a day reading posts from people, I wrote this....



Julian's Surrender


Joseph punched his dick, cracking the ballsack, and screamed in frustration. How dare she take my waffles!? How dare that stupid bitch call her mother and eat my waffles!? He threw up all over himself on the bed and turned up the Canadian National Anthem on his iPod. Yes, he touched me , but I was asking for it, sitting on the bus in a skirt with my dick hanging out. Stupid pee pee should have shriveled up it was so cold; it was an invitation.

His heart pounded in his chest and he threw himself out of the window.

The End
 Quoting: Turtles Voice


There, I fixed it er'body.
Stand!

User ID: 27950763
Canada
11/28/2012 08:09 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Sorry, that was just my very visceral reaction.
 Quoting: INK3


It's okay hf

It's November - I write weird and dark stories in this month.
 Quoting: Turtles Voice


You're a very good writer! Keep it up!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 801546
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11/28/2012 08:11 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312




Only reason I'm sure ANYONE clicked this thread.


And yea, don't be naive people, the OP knew this. Won't be clicking anymore threads by the OP.
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 2881770
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11/28/2012 08:12 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
trying to respond on "the wifi" from some weird bar as hubby plays.

I appreciate the critiques! hf

flower
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 801546
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11/28/2012 08:15 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312




Only reason I'm sure ANYONE clicked this thread.


And yea, don't be naive people, the OP knew this. Won't be clicking anymore threads by the OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546




Sorry, I realize that came off as mean. I'm just upset because I REALLY thought the thread was about Julian Sausage or whatever, so I went upstairs, made some tea, thinking "this will be a good read", then when the tea was ready, I poured it, came downstairs, got all comfy, opened the thread, and I felt cheated..... :(
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 2881770
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11/28/2012 08:15 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312




Only reason I'm sure ANYONE clicked this thread.


And yea, don't be naive people, the OP knew this. Won't be clicking anymore threads by the OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546


Yeah, cuz my head is all up in the mainstream that I can't write a short story...

it's your fail, dude, not mine.

I can honestly say that guy was no where near the cusp of what I was thinking when I wrote this.

Last Edited by Turtles Voice on 11/28/2012 08:16 PM
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
MarkinAZ

User ID: 20006444
United States
11/28/2012 08:18 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Dear Voice of the Turtle:

Your short stories are quite amazing.

I'm trying to recall which author from years gone by (many years!) they remind me of. I can't quite put my finger on it yet. O'Neil or O'Henry perhaps? I'm not sure, just yet. But you have undisguised talent and by the bushel-basket-full, no less! I hope you are making a nice living with your writing.

You've certainly entertained me for a half-hour or so at a stretch. Thank you for putting them up in the public domain where we are free to read them without buying an anthology (which someday they'll no doubt be a part of!)

You have a unique grasp of the human condition from a mother with a psycho for a son whom she still loves even as she's ending his life so he cannot hurt others, to a woman who sees her elopement dress on a decades old corpse pulled out of a wall in old Savannah GA., after a small earthquake damages the wall she and her beloved are concealed behind.

The twist and plot and ending are far better than most modern authors can do today. FAR Better!

Thank you again and I just wanted you to know how much they are enjoyed...

Wishing you much success and happiness...

MarkinAZ
IRQ_1

User ID: 24600584
United States
11/28/2012 08:19 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312




Only reason I'm sure ANYONE clicked this thread.


And yea, don't be naive people, the OP knew this. Won't be clicking anymore threads by the OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546




Sorry, I realize that came off as mean. I'm just upset because I REALLY thought the thread was about Julian Sausage or whatever, so I went upstairs, made some tea, thinking "this will be a good read", then when the tea was ready, I poured it, came downstairs, got all comfy, opened the thread, and I felt cheated..... :(
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546


I felt a little bait-and-switched myself AC then read the story. It was a pleasant surprise.

goodnews

Last Edited by IRQ_1 on 11/28/2012 08:19 PM
Jack of all trades, master of none.
We are all the result of our past choices meeting the future.
"shall not be infringed."
Anonymous Coward
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United States
11/28/2012 08:26 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
hes a ciao lanted to spread disinformation. you telling me a private in the army leaked this information, ya'll stupid humans. A private (thats an E1) or enlisted first rank would never be allowed in the building that housed that information..wake up people
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10809107


What are you talking about?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18943200
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11/28/2012 08:26 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
A gun doesn't shoot somebody by "misfiring". You should rewrite that bit.
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 08:48 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Dear Voice of the Turtle:

Your short stories are quite amazing.

I'm trying to recall which author from years gone by (many years!) they remind me of. I can't quite put my finger on it yet. O'Neil or O'Henry perhaps? I'm not sure, just yet. But you have undisguised talent and by the bushel-basket-full, no less! I hope you are making a nice living with your writing.

You've certainly entertained me for a half-hour or so at a stretch. Thank you for putting them up in the public domain where we are free to read them without buying an anthology (which someday they'll no doubt be a part of!)

You have a unique grasp of the human condition from a mother with a psycho for a son whom she still loves even as she's ending his life so he cannot hurt others, to a woman who sees her elopement dress on a decades old corpse pulled out of a wall in old Savannah GA., after a small earthquake damages the wall she and her beloved are concealed behind.

The twist and plot and ending are far better than most modern authors can do today. FAR Better!

Thank you again and I just wanted you to know how much they are enjoyed...

Wishing you much success and happiness...

MarkinAZ
 Quoting: MarkinAZ



I love you - simply, I love you flowas
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25125418
Canada
11/28/2012 08:50 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
5 * for the turtle in all of us

hiding
onlyonenina

User ID: 26511239
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11/28/2012 08:51 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Turtle,

Found your story a riveting read. I do hope this was based on fiction.

Kudos to your talent. hf
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 08:53 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Misleading.


I thought this thread was about Julian Assange surrendering.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28663312




Only reason I'm sure ANYONE clicked this thread.


And yea, don't be naive people, the OP knew this. Won't be clicking anymore threads by the OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546




Sorry, I realize that came off as mean. I'm just upset because I REALLY thought the thread was about Julian Sausage or whatever, so I went upstairs, made some tea, thinking "this will be a good read", then when the tea was ready, I poured it, came downstairs, got all comfy, opened the thread, and I felt cheated..... :(
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 801546


I felt a little bait-and-switched myself AC then read the story. It was a pleasant surprise.

goodnews
 Quoting: IRQ_1


I'm sorry that I wasn't so attuned to the world that I knew that Julian meant Julian Assange?? What ever his damned name is.

As most stories come to me, they just come to me and I write them - unfortunately (as I don't watch TV, listen to radio or even damn youtubes) I didn't understand the name would lead people to think other than this lady and her story.

I certainly didn't mean to mislead folk.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28105140
United States
11/28/2012 08:55 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
I want to read the corpse wedding dress story! I'm going back!
:)
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 08:56 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Turtle,

Found your story a riveting read. I do hope this was based on fiction.

Kudos to your talent. hf
 Quoting: onlyonenina


Absolutely fiction, lol.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
ParallaxPam

User ID: 15366249
United States
11/28/2012 09:01 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Why the Fuck are you posting your stories here? Do you not realize that this is a conspiracy site?

Go to writersdigest.com or somewhere similar and research where you can submit your stories. Don't waste time here as you won't get constructive feedback. Research writing groups (in your local area AND online) and get your critiques from people who are fellow writers.
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 09:04 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
Why the Fuck are you posting your stories here? Do you not realize that this is a conspiracy site?

Go to writersdigest.com or somewhere similar and research where you can submit your stories. Don't waste time here as you won't get constructive feedback. Research writing groups (in your local area AND online) and get your critiques from people who are fellow writers.
 Quoting: ParallaxPam


Trust me, I've been on this site for more than 5 or 7 years - great feedback! I love GLP!!
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Turtles Voice (OP)
Turtles bite...

User ID: 15791612
United States
11/28/2012 09:05 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
I want to read the corpse wedding dress story! I'm going back!
:)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28105140


I think the corpse one was Det. Bragg's Retirement.
"In order to arrive at what you are not,
You must go through the way in which you are not."

-TS Eliot

[link to www.turtlesvoice.com]

My Novel,(yes, I wrote a book) Kicking The Goat Silly
[link to www.amazon.com]


[link to www.facebook.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28671931
United Kingdom
11/28/2012 09:06 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Julian Assauge and the Pentagon CIA need to get in a double bed with the Maoist Kremlins.

i trust non of them consciously or subconsciously.
Madame X

User ID: 24537691
Canada
11/28/2012 09:08 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Why the Fuck are you posting your stories here? Do you not realize that this is a conspiracy site?

Go to writersdigest.com or somewhere similar and research where you can submit your stories. Don't waste time here as you won't get constructive feedback. Research writing groups (in your local area AND online) and get your critiques from people who are fellow writers.
 Quoting: ParallaxPam


Wow, that was really inappropriate.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts but many of us really enjoyed the story written by a fellow GLPer.

By the way Turtle I read another of your stories, also enthralling. I'm looking forward to watching your audio story next.

applause2
"The wise man's home is the universe." ~ Democrites

Catch the blue train...somewhere down that crazy river.
IRQ_1

User ID: 24600584
United States
11/28/2012 09:13 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Julian Assauge and the Pentagon CIA need to get in a double bed with the Maoist Kremlins.

i trust non of them consciously or subconsciously.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28671931


At least I read the linked story.
chuckle
Jack of all trades, master of none.
We are all the result of our past choices meeting the future.
"shall not be infringed."
ParallaxPam

User ID: 15366249
United States
11/28/2012 09:14 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
Why the Fuck are you posting your stories here? Do you not realize that this is a conspiracy site?

Go to writersdigest.com or somewhere similar and research where you can submit your stories. Don't waste time here as you won't get constructive feedback. Research writing groups (in your local area AND online) and get your critiques from people who are fellow writers.
 Quoting: ParallaxPam


Wow, that was really inappropriate.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts but many of us really enjoyed the story written by a fellow GLPer.

By the way Turtle I read another of your stories, also enthralling. I'm looking forward to watching your audio story next.

applause2
 Quoting: Madame X


I wasn't trying to be mean. I liked the story as well. I think there is talent there. I am just sensitive to this kind of thing because I grew up with a mother who wrote really good stuff. She would read the stories to us but did not have the courage to submit anything.

I am not familiar with Turtle here so I don't know if she writes and posts her work here often. I was just concerned that she was writing for herself when clearly she should be writing for profit.

I hope she IS submitting to publish.
Anonymous Coward
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Panama
11/28/2012 09:21 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
I loved your story, Turtle's Voice.

You could write for a living. You've got the talent.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26991073
Germany
11/28/2012 09:22 PM
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Re: Julian's Surrender
A family whose member's names all begin with J? C'mon...
2be0rnot2be

User ID: 28548142
United States
11/28/2012 09:25 PM

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Re: Julian's Surrender
damnedhiding
101icu

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