Next Time you are Feeling Sorry for Yourself....

I am in love with a woman who has no idea and I am too cowardly to tell her.

I am not bitter, but OP's problems are nothing compared to many folks out there, and it looks like whining over a minor run of minor bad luck to me. Nothing that is not insurmountable.

OP has 2 living loving parents, loving enough to home him when things haven't worked out for him for one reason or another. OP is young and has already been married. Better to have loved than lost. Plenty more fish in the sea. Plenty more years to come. OP's overweight, go on a diet. OP lost his job, find a new job, create a job for yourself. Deeply depressed. Well, I'd wager over half the planet is, and I'd also wager most of them have more reason to be than OP's pitiful excuses. No hope of female companionship @ 37?? No sex for over a year, big fucking deal. Can't afford a hooker. Crack one out and get over yourself. OP is clearly intelligent, and can clearly write well, and has reasonably good command of the English language as is evident by use of words such as 'modicum' and clearly has a lot going for him. More than many.

Honestly these are not real problems. You have no fucking clue. God knows how you would cope with real problems. Maybe they would be the making of you. Perhaps thats what you really need, some real problems that will snap you out of your narcissistic self-pity.

And I will tell you this, hate is something that most people thankfully will never have the misfortune to truly feel or understand.

When you've had your family quite literally destroyed by your own abusive sociopathic father over the course of 40 years, thats left all but him and his sellout daughter penniless, and has seen other family members try and take their own lives over all he is done, the magnitude of which just goes off the fucking scale, then folk can talk to me about hate, and I'll listen to your whining, meanwhile...

and grow a pair, you have everything going for you.

At least you know a woman to love

In many respects you are correct. I do have many blessings. There are days where I can count them and actually smile.
Maybe it's all of a matter of not knowing what you've got until it's gone. I am aware that my post comes off as whining, and in retrospect I would have worded it differently had I not been in such a dark place during the hour I wrote it.
Listen-I have no doubt your own pain is deep-and I do genuinely empathize with you....pain is pain and as I said, it cannot be measured.

I have read all the responses here and I can say that for all its faults, the GLP community is an amazing group of people-thank you for all your insights. Even those of you who have admonished me have given me food for thought.

I drink everyday to sleep, when I can afford it. I do have a job, but it is only part time.

When you've had your family quite literally destroyed by your own abusive sociopathic father over the course of 40 years, thats left all but him and his sellout daughter penniless, and has seen other family members try and take their own lives over all he is done, the magnitude of which just goes off the fucking scale, then folk can talk to me about hate, and I'll listen to your whining, meanwhile...

and grow a pair, you have everything going for you.

Imagine you were me.....

I am 37. I was married for 4 years.
Lost my job in January.
My wife left me 2 weeks later.
Living with my parents again after 20 years.
About 100 lbs overweight.
Deeply depressed. No sex for almost a year, no prospects of any female companionship. Even if I wanted to hire a prostitute I couldn't afford it. I am in love with a woman who has no idea and I am too cowardly to tell her. I am suffering from what experts call "limerence".
Everyday before I go to sleep I pray to God to kill me in my sleep.
I would do it myself but it would break my parents hearts and they are genuinely good people.
I have a brother who has has schizoid personality disorder, so I hide my depression from my parents as best I can so they don't have to stress about me as well.

In my old life, when I was a young man, and full of piss and vinegar, I was a writer with a small modicum of success. I have had writers block for almost 15 years. The few friends I have, most of whom I hear from once every 3 months with a short "hello" on facebook, think I am writing a novel. I start it every week and the farthest along I've gotten was the second paragraph.

I haven't left my house in 6 days.

Next time you think you're life is going badly, be thankful you weren't incarnated into my existence. I know there are others that have it as bad or worse off than me. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I know this will not help your problems but i am truly sorry to hear this learn from your fathers mistakes and dont be abusive towards others family or not which i am sure you are well aware of but somtimes times are tough. It isnt weak to be upset or need help no matter what your problems are. I know you didnt ask for help but all ties to this abuser need to be cut for everyone involveds sake. Of course you feel a natural urge to please your father but some of us are beyond help. God bles you.

Get a dick, ya fuck up.

Thank you. Fortunately all ties to him are severed and he's been estranged from me and my mother for 5 years now.

Whilst he' s no longer in our lives the damage is already done and is irrepairable and irreversible. I nearly lost my mother over it, through trying to check out. My mum finds herself approaching her 60's, in ill health, financially and emotionally destitute, with no support network, no family / friends through having to start a new life elsewhere, and without her daughter and newly born grandchildren, money does strange things to folk. She literally sold her own mum down the river, knowing what her father had done and what he was like, but the financial carrot was dangled. No price on earth would have bought me.

We're still here to tell the tale, but sadly its torn us apart from each other as we've torn chunks out of each other since over all this and I'm just clinging on to the hope that it will all eventually come right somehow.

Like I say I get by through knowing other folk have it way worse. It doesn't help me or my situation per se, but what it does do is help to steer me away from dwelling on the negatives, which is all too easy I know. And folk do have it way worse, you only have to read the papers or watch the news.

You absolutely did the right thing there. At least you and your mother do still have each other im sure your sister will live to regret her selfish actions one day probably when your father involves her own child in the abuse i truly wish you the best and hope you can stil both find happiness after being torn to peices like this

Imagine you were me.....

I am 37. I was married for 4 years.
Lost my job in January.
My wife left me 2 weeks later.
Living with my parents again after 20 years.
About 100 lbs overweight.
Deeply depressed. No sex for almost a year, no prospects of any female companionship. Even if I wanted to hire a prostitute I couldn't afford it. I am in love with a woman who has no idea and I am too cowardly to tell her. I am suffering from what experts call "limerence".
Everyday before I go to sleep I pray to God to kill me in my sleep.
I would do it myself but it would break my parents hearts and they are genuinely good people.
I have a brother who has has schizoid personality disorder, so I hide my depression from my parents as best I can so they don't have to stress about me as well.

In my old life, when I was a young man, and full of piss and vinegar, I was a writer with a small modicum of success. I have had writers block for almost 15 years. The few friends I have, most of whom I hear from once every 3 months with a short "hello" on facebook, think I am writing a novel. I start it every week and the farthest along I've gotten was the second paragraph.

I haven't left my house in 6 days.

Next time you think you're life is going badly, be thankful you weren't incarnated into my existence. I know there are others that have it as bad or worse off than me. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Thank you, tomorrow is a new day, lets see what it brings, but more importantly lets see what we can bring to it.

You're not as bad as some other people. You'd be surprised.

Here you go. If you don't laugh at this, you are a permanent basement dweller in need of the best hit of acid EVER!

Just bought myself a book full of quotations ... and a video. Everything is great now.

to your new bro-mance!

What do you mean friend?

Sigh.
people always assume im male

oh, sorry, you ac's all look the same

Hang in there, OP. At least you aren't in denial.

I'm currently crawling out of my own 2+ years of depression stemming from the end of an 18-year marriage(I'm 39 now). She took the kids and moved them out of state without telling me(I found out on Facebook) less than 30 days after our divorce was final and (kicker)with a guy she cheated on me with 10 years prior.

I was left with no family, few friends and a job I barely hung on to(UPS driver) until I was fired.

Trust me, it does get better, but only if you are proactive. I wasted away for a long time, not leaving the house, living on unemployment, basically waiting to die. I wanted to be hit by a Mac truck every time I drove anywhere, wished for a massive heart attack in my sleep, an errant bullet to catch me in the head, anything to take away the pain.

Now, I have a wonderful girlfriend who I am actually considering marrying, started my own business, made a brand new set of true friends and I can see the summit of the massive mountain that stood before me.

I don't mean to make this about me, I just want you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes a bit of work on your part.


Best of luck, my GLP friend.

So you have a roof over your head, too much food to eat and two people that love you and are willing to help you out.

So sad. Rough life you got there.

There are people that have no one, no home, are freezing half to death day and night living out in the cold, they're starving..no food for them, no clean clothes, no showers.

Oh yeah, there are people suffering through debilitating diseases, people that are terminally ill and you're bitching about not getting pussy for a year?

Your pity party is bullshit. Life is what you make of it. Stop gobbling the food like there's no tomorrow, lose some weight, find a job and move out. It's not as horrific as you make it all out to be.

Next time you are feeling sorry for yourself think about what I just said..about starving, homeless people, about those that are deathly ill, about those that have NO ONE.

Thank you my friend this really helped. I appreciate your story and the happy ending.