Humans evolved from a 'primordial soup'!

How do I know this?

Well, I have a personal relationship with it!
It hears my prayers, prescribes what I can and can't do and it sent its son to earth in the form of a moss covered rock in the Scottish Highlands.

It talks to me and I to it.

It demands ten percent of my income and that I stroke its flagging ego by telling it how wonderful it is.
If I don't do what it says, then when I die I'll end up in a terrible place where tiny microbes will slowly devour me over a 10 million year period.

If I do stick to the rules then I get to sit on a really comfy rock for eternity, with a frontrow seat at the 'being eaten slowly by microbes' show.

So really, there is NO excuse to not believe in evolution...