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Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23231420
United States
12/03/2012 10:27 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
People that cheat are the scum of the earth.

op.

Do not cheat, ever.

People are easily "sold", on issues. They are the same people that trade their 2011 bmw for the new 2012 bmw.

Its really just an issue of being small minded. Usually when a person cheats they are being led on a ruse; Mainly by a third party, in which they tend to trust. The person has only one goal, which is to get in their pants; Even if there is a small fraction of actual "feelings for the partner"; In the end: It will only play out to that person sooner than later, getting bored, and finding another women / man to "sell" too.

An honest man or women would wait, They wouldn't attempt to gain any progress into a relationship with a significant other that was spoken for. This includes lunches, dinners, gifts, ect...

Any person that seeks to reward a Taken person is Trying to sell an idea, and buy "sex".

I wouldn't ask anyone that was "taken" out for any occasion... Its not right to me, or them, or their current lover.

I feel in an honest relationship: If the partner is no longer satisfied that they can "move on" with their partners blessing. Anything else, is obviously abusing them and is Not Normal behavior...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23231420


Also sex in a relationship is a blessing and gift you share with your partner. If you give it to someone else, you no longer give your partner's affection meaning.

Affection and sex are a process in making love.

Do not confuse "affection" with "lust";

If someone is truly affectionate towards you; They won't pamper you with pleasantries until you give in.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23231420


Devotion, compassion, commitment, these are the qualities of my partner. I hope you find the same in your's op.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20672383
United States
12/03/2012 10:27 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Because she got horny? I doubt it. That's a cover. I suspect she is comfortable with you, but in that, she lost her self sense that she's still hot and desirable. Someone showed her some attention and that made her loose a bit of her will to be faithful. Some people are weak in that regard. Even the most spiritual can cave to a weakness; that doesn't make them less valuable.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


I've been confronted by very attractive women and they have tried to flirt with me but I let them know that my intentions in life are not that of a lust searcher or entertainer seeker. Sex only seems intriguing to me when i think of it as love making. I wouldn't say my ex girlfriend isn't valuable, I would say that her morals and perception in life are warped by her physical reality.

Yes i live in the physical and have sexual urges, but I don't let them control my emotions and feelings. I stay loyal till the end. That is how I feel.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23231420
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12/03/2012 10:32 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Because she got horny? I doubt it. That's a cover. I suspect she is comfortable with you, but in that, she lost her self sense that she's still hot and desirable. Someone showed her some attention and that made her loose a bit of her will to be faithful. Some people are weak in that regard. Even the most spiritual can cave to a weakness; that doesn't make them less valuable.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


I've been confronted by very attractive women and they have tried to flirt with me but I let them know that my intentions in life are not that of a lust searcher or entertainer seeker. Sex only seems intriguing to me when i think of it as love making. I wouldn't say my ex girlfriend isn't valuable, I would say that her morals and perception in life are warped by her physical reality.

Yes i live in the physical and have sexual urges, but I don't let them control my emotions and feelings. I stay loyal till the end. That is how I feel.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Then thats all you need op.

Stay loyal, and true!
Asking a community of mostly idiots, will only make you question your own good morals.

Your thread should read:
I'm better than you and here is why:

I've been confronted by very attractive women and they have tried to flirt with me but I let them know that my intentions in life are not that of a lust searcher or entertainer seeker. Sex only seems intriguing to me when i think of it as love making. I wouldn't say my ex girlfriend isn't valuable, I would say that her morals and perception in life are warped by her physical reality.

Yes i live in the physical and have sexual urges, but I don't let them control my emotions and feelings. I stay loyal till the end. That is how I feel.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1405546
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12/03/2012 10:32 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
The problem is people are false and carry on an image of what they want people to think they are.

If a relationship starts and this mask isn't removed or understood, they are getting involved in a problem just waiting to happen.

If you WANT monogamy, get married. If you want to fuck different people, don't get married.

But DO NOT pretend to be monogamous when you are really not up for it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1405546
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12/03/2012 10:35 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
btw, recently researchers found DNA in womens brain that was of their sexual partners. Men do not have this, no female DNA in male brains.

If your GF or Wife cheated and took it raw, she has that dudes DNA in her brain for life.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20672383
United States
12/03/2012 10:36 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
OP

Are you trying to find a reason to justify an affair?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23231420


No I'm trying to understand if sex really is that important and why people value it so much and if jumping from one person to the other really is worth it till you die...

People keep giving me the same reasons, boredom, sex, pleasure, and part of nature, but that isn't enough reason. In the end of the day we find ourselves alone and that's the part that confuses me. Is loneliness worth all the sex partness in the world...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Sex is only as important as the reason you have it.

You should only have sex with the one person it is that you truly love.

If you have meaningless sex; You have a meaningless relationship. Nothing more, nothing less.

Relationships do not make the person, But honesty, companionship, and commitment do.

Most of the people that wrote above are stupid.
So what you are really asking is "should I be stupid too"?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23231420


Thanks for the wisdom. I'm doing some soul searching right now trying to figure out what love is and why i feel so bonded to people, but still patient at the same time. I say to myself that I'm weak and that I should be like others, but i find myself thinking otherwise at times.

I think you understand my side of this topic, I stand behind all the things you mentioned. My mentality is of a one person till death thing, but i don't want it to be my downfall either. I usually devote an eternal percent of myself to my lover, but I always get ditched over reasons such as sex, attraction, or other excuses such as being too joyful and such. But thanks. i feel that others don't see beyond the physical...All i want is peace and some sort of reason to getting myself into another relationship...

I'm tired of wasting my time and I'm definitely not going around to have sex only to come home to nothing. Not my intentions.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24506537
Estonia
12/03/2012 10:38 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Can someone help me out? I'm trying to understand if cheating on your partner is normal or not. I don't find it to be normal since I'm loyal and give my all, but why are others so concerned with sex and having relations with someone else? Is sex really that important?

What are your opinions on cheating, having sex countless of times, and staying with one person till death? Would you do it and do you think long term relationships are normal?

One thing I dislike is that people who cheat show that they must live a lie and disguise the truth to their loved ones....why would you give it all up to sleep around only to come home to an empty home....

Sex lasts for a few minutes or hours and then it's back to the same cave...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


You see, our DNA is 98% shared with apes, and when they are horny, look what they do, google it up and You won't be surprised about cheatings over a partner anymore.
Anon.
User ID: 4822903
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12/03/2012 10:40 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
btw, recently researchers found DNA in womens brain that was of their sexual partners. Men do not have this, no female DNA in male brains.

If your GF or Wife cheated and took it raw, she has that dudes DNA in her brain for life.
 Quoting: --Voltaic--


do you have a link to any further info on your above post?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13250526
Australia
12/03/2012 10:41 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
...


Say you like roller coasters...do you enjoy riding the same one over and over? Maybe, but now and then you want to ride a different one...it's not that you don't like the first coaster, you just want something different...Like M&M's, it's not that I don't like the yellow ones, I just don't want them every damn day of the week, at some point you go FUCK, I want a red one!
 Quoting: BRIEF


So your comparing a person's intentions to material highs and boredom. That's like comparing a building to a boat. Nothing in comparison except that their objects.

So you advocate having countless of sex again and again and again and again for no real reason other then being bored and getting your high only to go back to an empty place or a relationship where you have to lie to the other person because they don't entertain you enough? What are people to you, clowns? Your going to tell me that the purpose of living on this planet is to fuck around, get high on sex, blow, and then do it again and again...what the fuck..?!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Sex is a physical need, like food...sure you can survive on protein shakes and vitamin supplements, but eating a variety of healthy foods is much more enjoyable...
 Quoting: BRIEF


if it's such a need why can I control myself and do it only when I find there is purpose behind it. Yes I get horny and such, but the idea of having countless sex partners is blah to me. Doing things just to do them doesn't ring a bell to me. Give me reason over lust or one minute highs.

Just like food, when people eat too much of it they let it consume them and then it starts to control them. Then they start craving food even when their not hungry. Just like sex. You have it once, it's great. Then you have it again, and you start looking at others for sex then you let it consume you. You forget about control, patience, dignity...It becomes artificial.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


I'm thinking...looking back on all your questions that you probably had a bad childhood/raped or something....and dont know what its like to really be inlove....not platonic...I mean fully completely in love AND lust which is a natural part of the inlove process. This anti sex thing makes me think perhaps you could be asexual or gay...or just not found a man that has the pheromones AND freedom or just didnt fancy you back. Dont confuse that with it not being real. MOST people never find it....but that doesnt make it not real. As I said...most people amazingly lucky if they find THE ONE before they get to settling age. If you stay faithful to the settling person....good for you I guess...but you could be missing out on THE ONE. Timing is...everything and very sadly off in most cases.
Maguyver
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User ID: 808852
United States
12/03/2012 10:47 AM

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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Because she got horny? I doubt it. That's a cover. I suspect she is comfortable with you, but in that, she lost her self sense that she's still hot and desirable. Someone showed her some attention and that made her loose a bit of her will to be faithful. Some people are weak in that regard. Even the most spiritual can cave to a weakness; that doesn't make them less valuable.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


I've been confronted by very attractive women and they have tried to flirt with me but I let them know that my intentions in life are not that of a lust searcher or entertainer seeker. Sex only seems intriguing to me when i think of it as love making. I wouldn't say my ex girlfriend isn't valuable, I would say that her morals and perception in life are warped by her physical reality.

Yes i live in the physical and have sexual urges, but I don't let them control my emotions and feelings. I stay loyal till the end. That is how I feel.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


In that vein, I have spent years 'training' my wife, and she; me. We know what makes the other tick, likes, dislikes, all the cumulative experiences of learning one another. In the end, that makes the sex mind blowingly good and satisfying.

A one night stand would be -meh-, mutual masterbation at best. So why bother and risk betraying the one who I've spent years with? Now if it's a third party and we've both agreed in bringing another into the bedroom for fun, I'd be OK with that. Just no secrets.

You seem to be searching for an answer to a question to which there are many. You'll need to find the one that fits your situation.

cheers
Adversity is inevitable, misery is optional.

Do or do not. There is no try.

"The enemy will never attack where you are strongest...He will attack where you are weakest. If you do not know your weakest point, be certain, your enemy will." Sun Tzu
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 402164
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12/03/2012 10:49 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Women like having multiples of everything. Shoes , purses, cocks, etc.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1508876


LOL
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23231420
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12/03/2012 10:49 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Because she got horny? I doubt it. That's a cover. I suspect she is comfortable with you, but in that, she lost her self sense that she's still hot and desirable. Someone showed her some attention and that made her loose a bit of her will to be faithful. Some people are weak in that regard. Even the most spiritual can cave to a weakness; that doesn't make them less valuable.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


I've been confronted by very attractive women and they have tried to flirt with me but I let them know that my intentions in life are not that of a lust searcher or entertainer seeker. Sex only seems intriguing to me when i think of it as love making. I wouldn't say my ex girlfriend isn't valuable, I would say that her morals and perception in life are warped by her physical reality.

Yes i live in the physical and have sexual urges, but I don't let them control my emotions and feelings. I stay loyal till the end. That is how I feel.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Well dump her then...

Stop wasting her time. Thats pretty low.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13250526
Australia
12/03/2012 10:49 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Ah...so you are a guy. All I can say is.....people go off people that break their heart. My husband broke mine...I broke his. You gave your girl the world...but she probably wasnt inlove with you ...you were the settling guy. You nor she did anything wrong....sometimes we date and like enough to settle...sometimes we dont know until after the fact that it wasnt THE NOTEBOOK type of love (which if you watched you would realise that they didnt get it right for a while either).
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13250526
Australia
12/03/2012 10:57 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


And women feel rejected and overlooked if a mans lust isnt there for her. She didnt want theworld...she wanted you to show you love and creativity FOR HER. No wonder she went elsewjere because it would seem you dont like sex much....to her that would mean you dont like her much. Loyalty is nothing...if not worshipping each others skin, souls, bodies, and hearts. I dont know what you think giving someone your world is....but its not just being faithful....its being made to feel that you are the most inspring, loving and gorgeous person...that includes sex. If you dont care for it much.....you arent giving your world...or that world is pretty sterile.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20672383
United States
12/03/2012 11:04 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
I believe the primary reason people cheat are different for men and women.

Women do it for validation of thier own sexuality and a ego boost.

Men, it's the conquest.

If, after the first or second tryst, there are more things that carry the affair on like new affections, the physiology of being freshly 'in love', a diversion from a ho-hum family life, etc.

cheers
 Quoting: Maguyver


Does it ever get to a point where you sit down and wonder to yourself if there even is a purpose to jumping from one person to the other? I'm not going through that crap my whole life. Too much stress, where is the control and devotion in people. Girlfriend cheated on me after I gave her the world and all because she got horny..hmmm. I wasn't mad at her, it just showed me the type of individual she was. Her intentions in life are obviously not spiritual or meaningful...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


And women feel rejected and overlooked if a mans lust isnt there for her. She didnt want theworld...she wanted you to show you love and creativity FOR HER. No wonder she went elsewjere because it would seem you dont like sex much....to her that would mean you dont like her much. Loyalty is nothing...if not worshipping each others skin, souls, bodies, and hearts. I dont know what you think giving someone your world is....but its not just being faithful....its being made to feel that you are the most inspring, loving and gorgeous person...that includes sex. If you dont care for it much.....you arent giving your world...or that world is pretty sterile.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13250526


I wanted to make love to her, don't say things without knowing. I turned her on and such. But her intentions were obviously elsewhere. I'm not mad at her, just confused about relationships in general. Is it worth it, but at the same time is life worth living alone.. I'm very confused.

I want to be with one person, but I don't want them wasting their time with me. I left her already, but it left me wondering what's the purpose of it all. Life can't just be about sex..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19398438
United States
12/03/2012 11:11 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
The real reason is that people are lazy, lonely, scared and spiritually bankrupt.

So, they will settle for the first person they have a "connection" with and not spend any energy discerning what sort of long-term prospects are really at stake.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17522961
Canada
12/03/2012 11:19 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?


applause so true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17522961
Canada
12/03/2012 11:20 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?


applause so true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17522961
Canada
12/03/2012 11:27 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Its all fine and dandy to think that cheaters are the scum of the Earth until one day you are put in that situation.

My Husband pays no attention to me. We have no sex. He much rather touch his ipad than me. I have to live up to this typical role of housewife, even though I work and bring in money. He doesnt try to make me happy even when I ask. I asked for counselling, which was ignored.

He is not a bad guy. He is just so very thoughtless. We have 3 beautiful children and I dont want to hurt anyone.

Before anyone thinks that I should try harder. I have. For 10 years. Trying to maintain that spark on your own and you will see how hard it is. He is just so absent.

I havent had sex outside the marriage but I found a person who I connect with. I struggle with this everyday.

I married my husband because he gave me an STI and I didnt ever want to tell anyone so I thought it was the safest route. I do not know I would of married him otherwise. I told the other person about this and he is fine with it. He also said he will wait forever.

We are catholic and work within the catholic confines, which means even if I had the guts to completely ruin our lives over my unhappiness, I would lose my job and our friends.

I am miserable.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1218376
Denmark
12/03/2012 11:31 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Plenty of women are not like that. But it depends on the guy too, and it depends on whether the guy is smart/mature enough to even get a good woman.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20672383
United States
12/03/2012 11:34 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Its all fine and dandy to think that cheaters are the scum of the Earth until one day you are put in that situation.

My Husband pays no attention to me. We have no sex. He much rather touch his ipad than me. I have to live up to this typical role of housewife, even though I work and bring in money. He doesnt try to make me happy even when I ask. I asked for counselling, which was ignored.

He is not a bad guy. He is just so very thoughtless. We have 3 beautiful children and I dont want to hurt anyone.

Before anyone thinks that I should try harder. I have. For 10 years. Trying to maintain that spark on your own and you will see how hard it is. He is just so absent.

I havent had sex outside the marriage but I found a person who I connect with. I struggle with this everyday.

I married my husband because he gave me an STI and I didnt ever want to tell anyone so I thought it was the safest route. I do not know I would of married him otherwise. I told the other person about this and he is fine with it. He also said he will wait forever.

We are catholic and work within the catholic confines, which means even if I had the guts to completely ruin our lives over my unhappiness, I would lose my job and our friends.

I am miserable.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17522961


I'm sorry to hear that. If your husband isn't treating you with respect then he's honestly probably doing things with someone else or is investing his time in other things. The fact is monogamy is very confusing. You have to analyze the other individual before you get into a relationship them. Some people just dont have the chops in keeping a spiritual connection with their partness. It's the ego, the sexual drive, the search for lust and endless connection that destroys us.

There are those who say that relationships are unnormal and that people should just sleep around and have more then one partner, but I disagree. I don't want life to be this way, time is too precious. What is living worth if you have to go back and forth from person to person to try to find what your looking for.

This is my advice to you and to myself, keep looking until you've absolutely know that the person is sincere, honest, loving, patient, understanding, not superficial, full of sexual tendencies but can control them, and let you know if things aren't working. This life seems sometimes very hard because no one ever seems to be happy or fulfilled, we just have to keep hoping. There is reason out there...and maybe love too..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17522961
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12/03/2012 11:42 AM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Its all fine and dandy to think that cheaters are the scum of the Earth until one day you are put in that situation.

My Husband pays no attention to me. We have no sex. He much rather touch his ipad than me. I have to live up to this typical role of housewife, even though I work and bring in money. He doesnt try to make me happy even when I ask. I asked for counselling, which was ignored.

He is not a bad guy. He is just so very thoughtless. We have 3 beautiful children and I dont want to hurt anyone.

Before anyone thinks that I should try harder. I have. For 10 years. Trying to maintain that spark on your own and you will see how hard it is. He is just so absent.

I havent had sex outside the marriage but I found a person who I connect with. I struggle with this everyday.

I married my husband because he gave me an STI and I didnt ever want to tell anyone so I thought it was the safest route. I do not know I would of married him otherwise. I told the other person about this and he is fine with it. He also said he will wait forever.

We are catholic and work within the catholic confines, which means even if I had the guts to completely ruin our lives over my unhappiness, I would lose my job and our friends.

I am miserable.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17522961


I'm sorry to hear that. If your husband isn't treating you with respect then he's honestly probably doing things with someone else or is investing his time in other things. The fact is monogamy is very confusing. You have to analyze the other individual before you get into a relationship them. Some people just dont have the chops in keeping a spiritual connection with their partness. It's the ego, the sexual drive, the search for lust and endless connection that destroys us.

There are those who say that relationships are unnormal and that people should just sleep around and have more then one partner, but I disagree. I don't want life to be this way, time is too precious. What is living worth if you have to go back and forth from person to person to try to find what your looking for.

This is my advice to you and to myself, keep looking until you've absolutely know that the person is sincere, honest, loving, patient, understanding, not superficial, full of sexual tendencies but can control them, and let you know if things aren't working. This life seems sometimes very hard because no one ever seems to be happy or fulfilled, we just have to keep hoping. There is reason out there...and maybe love too..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20672383


Thank you. But I don't know what I think about relationships anymore.
Bithead

User ID: 13580485
United States
12/03/2012 12:45 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
There are two categories of outside interest: physical and emotional. Physical is self explanatory, but for peeps that are too conditioned with social influence, its looking for attention, acknowledgment, romance, and affection. Emotional type is having someone talk, listen, share, sympathize, and support.

You can scream that you hate people who cheat, but you do it all the time...you just choose not to look at it that way. How do you feel if someone says you look good, smell great, or pays attention to some little detail of your existence? If you are normal you feel great. How about when/if they flirt a little with you? Your confidence soars and your behavior patterns will change temporarily. Guess what, you are emotionally cheating! Men and women experience this all the time with coworkers, coaches, trainers, store clerks...all kinds of interactions. I makes you feel noticed and important, even if it is only for 5 seconds.

Physical is SIMPLY that some people, both men and women, require it. Its how their body chemistry is made up. Not everyone is a clone and operates the same way. You may be able to go a week but your partner may need it every day. Simple as that.

So what do we have today in the world of a legal contract called marriage? We have one or both partners getting COMFORTABLE. This is defined by not talking much about emtional needs or physical needs. Men/Women that have needs are drawn to porn if partner does not need it much. Men/Women take a kid out to a class or practice and find a person that meets the emtional needs. Then there are the few that dont require either and are happy where they are (minority). We are not built by law, rather as another person stated, we are 98% monkey. Its natural no matter how unnatural society (law/religion) tries to make it.

I liken it to a person being in a desert for a year or fifteen years...then happens upon a glass of water. This water pays attention to you, compliments you, wants to be with you, talks, listens and actively supports your life. What do you do? If you hate cheaters, then you bypass it cause your COMFORTABLE with you misery and cant see beyond your containment (law/religion/personal belief). Most will consume the water like a savage beast! What is the person giving up at that point? You may need to look at yourself hard. Are you available and actively pursuing your partner daily to keep the challenge and interest? Do you fall in love with this person EVERY day? Loyalty is admiral but is it really attracting your partner to you? Just some thoughts :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20672383
United States
12/03/2012 01:15 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
There are two categories of outside interest: physical and emotional. Physical is self explanatory, but for peeps that are too conditioned with social influence, its looking for attention, acknowledgment, romance, and affection. Emotional type is having someone talk, listen, share, sympathize, and support.

You can scream that you hate people who cheat, but you do it all the time...you just choose not to look at it that way. How do you feel if someone says you look good, smell great, or pays attention to some little detail of your existence? If you are normal you feel great. How about when/if they flirt a little with you? Your confidence soars and your behavior patterns will change temporarily. Guess what, you are emotionally cheating! Men and women experience this all the time with coworkers, coaches, trainers, store clerks...all kinds of interactions. I makes you feel noticed and important, even if it is only for 5 seconds.

Physical is SIMPLY that some people, both men and women, require it. Its how their body chemistry is made up. Not everyone is a clone and operates the same way. You may be able to go a week but your partner may need it every day. Simple as that.

So what do we have today in the world of a legal contract called marriage? We have one or both partners getting COMFORTABLE. This is defined by not talking much about emtional needs or physical needs. Men/Women that have needs are drawn to porn if partner does not need it much. Men/Women take a kid out to a class or practice and find a person that meets the emtional needs. Then there are the few that dont require either and are happy where they are (minority). We are not built by law, rather as another person stated, we are 98% monkey. Its natural no matter how unnatural society (law/religion) tries to make it.

I liken it to a person being in a desert for a year or fifteen years...then happens upon a glass of water. This water pays attention to you, compliments you, wants to be with you, talks, listens and actively supports your life. What do you do? If you hate cheaters, then you bypass it cause your COMFORTABLE with you misery and cant see beyond your containment (law/religion/personal belief). Most will consume the water like a savage beast! What is the person giving up at that point? You may need to look at yourself hard. Are you available and actively pursuing your partner daily to keep the challenge and interest? Do you fall in love with this person EVERY day? Loyalty is admiral but is it really attracting your partner to you? Just some thoughts :)
 Quoting: Bithead


Then what do you recommend? What do you think a relationship is about or do you even believe in that?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26071568
Canada
12/03/2012 01:26 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
If you cheat on the person your with then you really don't love that person. You don't hurt the one you love on purpose even if theres no chance of being caught you can't hide that shit.

If your someone who cheats then you should just be single and fuck whoever you want. You shouldn't commit yourself to another person if your not ready to be 100% faithful.

Now theres always varying degrees of situations. Like some poor guy might be married 5 years and has not had sex in the last 4 years... This man, in my opinion, should be able to cheat without repercussion. Because in reality its not him who cheated its the sexless wife who cheated him of his physical needs/desires. She had ample opportunity to tend to those needs and when she doesn't, its at the point she loses rights to his cock, and right to control where he sticks it.

Every situation is different. When the women bends over backwards for the man in a relationship with sex and cooking, and he still cheats... Thats not right.. He should lose everything to her in a divorce. And he is the pig and social stigma we hear about every time women claim men are pigs its this type of man they are talking about, not all of us...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28896002
United Kingdom
12/03/2012 01:28 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
different strokes for different folks, maybe its normal to be promiscous? and all that one partner for life stuff is just bullshit morality that we try to superimpose over human nature? also maybe you just got lucky, i gave it my all three times but im broke and single and not likely to try it again, long as your happy and not hurting anybody why does it matter?
KateSask

User ID: 15170057
Canada
12/03/2012 01:28 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Women like having multiples of everything. Shoes , purses, cocks, etc.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1508876


This isn't true.

People use to be decent husbands/wifes to one another.

Even in the media.

...Then it all changed - and now you cannot find a loyal person at all!

All selfish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1266452


And brainwashed.
.


Candle Lake, CANADA in Pictures ~ [link to www.dennischamberlain.com]
BULLDOZER

User ID: 27878774
United States
12/03/2012 01:30 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Just this past week I found out that this friend who is always telling me oh I love my wife, oh she's the greatest, blah,blah,blah was caught banging out this chic at work. To me that guy just lost all my respect, why the hell do people even get married anymore I wonder. My wife is very lucky, I am only interested in her and I could care less about other women.
NON SERVIAM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21160675
United States
12/03/2012 01:40 PM
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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Statistically faithfulness is the norm but not by much. Sex is the most tempting replacement for internal fulfillment. It's the number one drug so to speak. It's a drug that looks more important than normal drugs because it gives the illusion that other people care about you. But they don't.
Maguyver
Fix'r

User ID: 808852
United States
12/03/2012 01:40 PM

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Re: Is cheating on your partner normal? Why are people so promiscous?
Women like having multiples of everything. Shoes , purses, cocks, etc.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1508876


This isn't true.

People use to be decent husbands/wifes to one another.

Even in the media.

...Then it all changed - and now you cannot find a loyal person at all!

All selfish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1266452


And brainwashed.
 Quoting: KateSask


Hi My Canadian friend!

Knowing a small bit of your life here on GLP, I a SURE you have more to add than just that.

Come on, let's hear it! Haven't you had some success working out (or coming to terms with, maybe) a relationship that needed some care?

cheers

cheers
Adversity is inevitable, misery is optional.

Do or do not. There is no try.

"The enemy will never attack where you are strongest...He will attack where you are weakest. If you do not know your weakest point, be certain, your enemy will." Sun Tzu

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